Family Extension

When you get married, you say, 'yes' to a lot of things - to love and honor, to life through rich and poor, to his stuff, his hobbies, his dietary restrictions, and his televiewing preferences. You also say, 'yes' to the extension of him - his family.

When I was growing up, my girlfriends and I created lists to qualify our ideal husbands. During sleepovers we would set aside critical brainstorming time to compile the most attuned list of descriptors for our dream men. Among credentials such as 'hot,' 'well-dressed,' 'funny,' 'good dancer,' and 'skier' (not snowboarder), we each listed 'comes from a good family.' It was the one credential we all had in common. We each came from happy, loving families, and wanted our future spouses to possess similar lineages I suppose.

While good people are made from all kinds of families and 'good' can take on just about any meaning to anyone,  when I first met Peter, on the first day of MBA school, as our conversation naturally turned to our families, I caught myself mentally checking off that qualifier, grinning from ear to ear, thinking I'm probably giving everything away, but I don't care cause I like him, because I liked what I heard about his family. That his mother and grandmother helped him find his apartment on campus, how his brother and grandfather had gone to Notre Dame as well, and how he had a cousin who was in my class at school - Bill.

The more I got to know Peter, the more I realized that he didn't just come from a good family, he came from a great one. A family that complements and enhances me and my family. A family that knows laughter, hugs, thoughtful gifts, good food, and how to live life to the fullest, just like mine. A family that is so good, that I let the 'good dancer' credential slide a bit.

This weekend I got to hang out with the extended family. Everyone was in town to mourn the death and celebrate the life of Aunt Winona. Moms and dads, grandparents and great grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins and second cousins, those once and those twice removed, traveled great distances through a blustery winter storm to be together. And each one that I talked to seemed better, more fun, more of an original than the next.

At the end of the funeral Mass, Peter's cousin Kathleen, delivered some beautiful remarks about Winona - wonderful memories about her life and the impact she had in the community and on her family. She concluded with a very powerful statement (and I'm probably going to butcher it, so I apologize.) She said, "Winona was a lot of things to us. But most of all, she was a woman who let and encouraged each of us to be ourselves - to be originals. Because that was exactly who she always was - herself."

When I heard that, it helped me pinpoint just what 'good family' meant for me. It's a family that celebrates you for you. Who says being yourself is the best you can be. I'm lucky to have been born into a family like that. And I'm even luckier to have gained another one who loves me just as I am. A family filled with one of a kind characters. And among them, the original who complements my original - Peter.

The other night, as Peter was looking through some of his snips and clips from years past, he found several hand-made birthday, graduation, and Christmas cards from Aunt Winona. Creative, colorful, thoughtful cards, that surely made Peter's day when he opened them.

Although, I only got to meet Winona a couple times and only got to ride in her Jaguar once, when I saw those hand painted cards, I felt very close to her. And thought perhaps she was egging me on to carry on her legacy of artwork with my own drawings - the cards, picture books, and posters that I've continued to produce over the years. And I of course accepted.

Lo.