A couple months ago, early one morning, I was reading in our living room. The house was the kind of peaceful and total quiet that I love, and sip by sip of coffee, page by page of book, I was starting the day in the most invoking way.
But then I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I tilted my head slowly to look but I already knew what it was. Black, no grey maybe. I didn't sit long enough to answer my own question. Oh no no no! I jumped up, simultaneously grabbing my book and coffee mug, and resituated myself upstairs.
I had been waiting for this moment. There was no way, living in central London, amid millions of people, we wouldn't find a mouse in our house. I was just hopeful I wouldn't be the one who found it. Hopeful that I wouldn't be the one to deal with it. And hopeful it was just one.
So I turned over the problem to Peter as he woke up, describing the gross intruder so he could sketch it and hang up a most wanted sign.
Peter started with a little trap here and there, asserting confidence that he had it under control. So I resumed my position in the living room each morning, but always with a watchful, suspicious eye. I would hear a noise and jump. I would stretch my ear to discern if I really heard a squeak. And then seek clarity from Peter on whether or not the mouse was truly gone.
It played out like that for months, but then a couple weeks ago, my friend showed up in the kitchen. Scurrying across the floor while the kids were playing hide and seek. Margaret squealed and it became the squeal heard round the world that erupted in panic across the household.
The squeaks that I had been hearing started to become more audible, especially to Caroline, who quickly turned a slight fear of the mouse into mass hysteria. Any mention of the black or maybe grey rodent, and Caroline would scream.
So, Peter and I huddled again. We had solved mouse problems in La Grange, he had even solved one in Pittsburgh, so he shipped in some additional solutions from Amazon.
Peter speculated that the mouse would come to our house and then leave for several weeks - perhaps vacationing at the neighbor's house or the one a couple doors down. Peter postulated that the mouse was mature, smart to have navigated through his web of traps and bait. Peter called him a mouse about town. And it made me laugh.
Over the course of a week, the mouse became more visible. Mary saw it. Caroline screamed and ran up stairs in hysterics. I saw it. Caroline screamed and ran up the stairs in hysterics. Margaret saw it again, Caroline FLIPPED OUT! And every night around 11:15 PM, Caroline would come down to our bed unable to sleep. She was afraid of the mouse she would say. She heard squeaking. She was not going to sleep alone. And Peter and I would do the zombie dance up and down the stairs trying to get her to sleep.
On a particularly terrible night, Jacqueline had a fever, Caroline screamed about the mouse, Peter and I walked up and down and up and down the stairs putting them back to bed. And I woke up in the morning, groggy, bags under my eyes, and in need of more makeup than usual as I went into a final media training dress rehearsal.
We also woke up to an indication that our mouse was mice. And those mice had been having quite a party in our house all. night. long. Same as us. The mouse catcher showed up at 2:00 PM, sealed off all the entrances to the house, and started a poison program. No more mouse ... or mice ... about town. We slept better that evening than we have in a long time. And didn't have mouse droppings in the morning.
But in honesty, Caroline is still not sleeping well. She's still disturbed by the potential of a night visitor and there is something that is expanding her sense of fear that I can't quite get to the bottom of.
When I was little the Witches, the movie with Anjelica Houston, gave me nightmares. And I let that one scary part that I have never actually opened my eyes to see get the better of my imagination. I avoided the basement. The attic. Even my bed on nights that felt particularly scary, when the Witches seemed a breath away. The peaks of fear came and went, but I remember when we moved summer after fifth grade, our new house rattled my nerves.
It took time for the hallways to look less long and dark and mysterious. It took time for the smells of past residents to waft away. It took time for being alone in my room to feel safe. And it took a refurb, better lighting, furniture, and a ping pong table to make the basement less of a hiding place for ghosts. The back storage area, I just avoided though - still do.
Which makes me wonder, with the mouse now out of town, or at least out of house, how much of Caroline's anxiety is about a mouse and how much of it is about being unsettled. That question that everyone's been asking me for months. Are you settled? Yes. Yes. Yes. I've said over and over and over again. But maybe not everyone is. Maybe Caroline isn't.
I've been telling her to be brave at night. To get comfortable and stay comfortable. To please not wake me up or anyone else up, because if she does, I might just be too tired to work and then get fired. Doesn't matter. She still isn't sleeping.
Maybe it will just take time. Maybe it will take many sequential days for the mouse to be a mouse out of town. Or enough time to build her courage to live a floor above her mum and dad, for the city noises to feel familiar, or for the assurance that this is home now. At least until our next great migration.
So, we are settled, but also slightly unsettled. And to expedite the sleeping that would lead us to settling, I'll take any tips to help a five year old shake her fears of mice, monsters, or moving again.
Lo.