However, in the literal race between being a mom and a marketer, I did manage to get one thing done: I got a new head shot.
To level set, this was not on my to do list. I should have prioritized other more important things. But it was presented as an opportunity at a marketing off site recently, so I signed up.
For background, currently, I don't have a professional head shot. And head shots seem like a requirement in today's business world. For the past two years, I've been a Mom with a floating baby head. Exhibit A below.
And before that I was a 25 year old having fun at a wedding. Exhibit B is missing.
Neither of these images reflect the way I show up at meetings, so I took the hint that change was of the essence.
On the day of the photo shoot, which included half of the U.S. Marketing team, I bandaged my thumb, biked the kids to school, walked briskly through a very windy city, and rubbed my itchy eyes till my mascara smudged. I stood in line waiting to be called for a full makeover, but they were running late. There wasn't time for touch ups let alone a session camouflaging my adult acne. So all too prematurely, it was lights, camera, action. And action there was.
I was told to turn to the left.
'That is my bad side, so I'll be going right' (The photographer didn't like that.)
She told me to, 'Look up. Come on, up, up, up.'
I stopped her. 'No ... I like looking slightly down cause it makes my nose look less broad.' (She didn't like that either.)
She told me to relax. I tensed up. She told me to shake it out as she turned up the background disco music. I did nothing of the sort. She told me to have fun. But it wasn't fun. She asked for a bigger smile. No less smile. She told me laugh it off. I couldn't fake laugh for the life of me. There was a line of 20-something marketing girls with salon grade hair and makeup peering in. All friendly faces, all people that I know were routing for me, but all I could think about was the era in my life when I had time to get ready in the morning.
The last command she gave me was 'make a silly pose.' I ended up with this photo.
The rest of my head shots are about as bad. I'm sticking with 'mom with floating baby head' for now.
***
If you haven't noticed, there are very few photos of me on my blog. I prefer when my kids, friends and family are the subjects. And after psycho analyzing my response to this photo shoot, I think I know why.
In my mind, I perpetually should look a certain way. In essence, like those younger girls on my team. I see myself as 25-year old; not a pound heavier, a size bigger, a flaw more. And when I get a photo back that doesn't look like my vision, I delete it. Basically, there are very few pictures that I've kept over the past ten years.
I don't think I'm alone in this though. In fact, I think the whole selfie, photo filter, and strike a pose movement is a testament to it. Everywhere you go, people are creating self portraits that tend to be a good distance from reality.
At the end of the day, I don't mind staying behind the camera. (Although I probably should get a better head shot.) The position of photographer is more a reflection of how I process the way I look anyway.
For instance, Margaret is very into getting up close and personal with me. She will touch my face all over, squeezing it in different ways. She will stare deep into my eyes and then squish my cheeks, open my mouth, wrap my hair around my face, and ultimately give me a big hug while saying 'I wuv you.' I'm sure all the angles she inspects during this close encounter are unflattering. Lots of nostril, many wrinkles, very bad hair, mouth agape ... but no matter she sees her mom. She loves the unfiltered face pressing against her chubby cheeks. And seeing her smile back at me, is the only reflection I need in my day.
At work and at home, I tend to spend more time looking at myself through other people's eyes, then in the mirror. It keeps me in check, in balance. And it validates that people are seeing the whole me, not just the perfect angle.
Lo.
