Keeping Christmas

Returning to school after Christmas was the worst. There were several years where I literally cried in bathroom stalls at St. Edmund's and Ellis because it was over. Gone were the Christmas lights, trees, carols, presents, and Santas smiling on street corners. It was back to the normal routine - getting up early, heading off to school, being picked up late by parents who were back to work and inherently back to being stressed out, only getting three cookies after dinner, and trying to find something else to look forward to in order to survive the cold, gray, winter weather that always appears colder and grayer sans sparkling lights. 

The sad feeling was particularly rough on Christmases that were particularly great - Those years when I looked especially good at 6:00 PM mass, we got amazing presents under the tree, there was absolutely no fighting, every last Barry gathered at our house for Christmas dinner, and we actually made it to the caroling part of the night. After those Christmases, I welled up in many stalls. 

Over the past couple years, the 'Christmas is over' lamentation didn't surface. I went back to school and back to work with facility. They were great Christmases mind you, but I had matured. I realized that I had been silly in years past, and that Christmas really wasn't the best thing ever. It was just another event on the calendar, and I had a lot of other things to look forward to throughout the year.

This year though, it hit. Today, going back to my normal routine of writing in Starbucks, working in my cube, and commuting in my Mini were rough. And yes, I let out a couple tears in the bathroom furthest away from my cubicle.  I thought I was over this. What happened? I realized what it was - this Christmas wasn't just a particularly great Christmas, it was the best one yet. 

It wasn't Santa, presents, or parties that made Christmas so special this year. It was family. 

My family -  old, new, immediate, extended, and soon-to-be family members gathering together at my parents home. 

My family having fun five days in a row without the help of electronics. 

My family without fight or feud cooking, baking, football playing, reading, sharing, giving, laughing through Christmas. 

It was a celebration of life and new beginnings; of past and future generations; of giving and receiving in absolute gratitude. The pace, people, prayers, and places were perfect. 

During Brunch

During and after Christmas Eve Mass

At Christmas Eve Dinner

On Christmas morning

While preparing the bird

While getting tackled

With Sydney

While juking out Erin and getting wide open

At Christmas dinner at the (big) kids table

Even doing dishes in the kitchen with the KP

There was magic every moment of every day that I was home in Pittsburgh this Christmas.

Near the end of A Christmas Carol, Scrooge promises that he "will keep Christmas in [his] heart and honor it all year." Though I don't need a Christmas intervention like Scrooge, I want to make the same promise. We get so excited for one day, and when that day is over, we shut off all that we have learned to embrace through the holiday. I can't be in my parents' warm, peaceful home throughout the year or give up my ironclad routine, but I can keep my family and friends; generosity and love; kindness and compassion; joy and exuberance close at heart and hand all year long. I can remember what's most important each and every day - to love and to keep that youthful Christmas spirit alive. 

Luckily, I have two really big things to look forward to this year, both of which pulled me right back out of my Christmas-is-over funk this evening, and that's two new Fischers. 2011 is going to be a great year.

Lo.