The Best Friend

Recently, I realized something - for the past three months, I have been a somewhat lousy / very distant / pretty pathetic friend. The light bulb went off this past weekend when I neglected to contact any of my friends on Thanksgiving - when I surrendered to the games of phone tag I've been playing - and when I realized that the only way I've shared honeymoon stories and photos with them has been through my blog. I used to talk with my girlfriends every day! I used to know every little detail of their lives - and they used to know mine. What happened?

Just as soon as I had this realization, I pinpointed the culprit - that little someone who has been responsible for softening many of my friendships in the past - someone who I have always counted on for support, love and laughter - but who sometimes alienates me from the rest of the world - the best friend.

The concept of a best friend - naming one person as the creme de la creme of your circle of friends - can work really well, but it can also be a little tricky. Especially if aren't sure that your best friend reciprocates your superlative affection or the other people on the outside, looking in, lose interest in your friendship. Some people believe in best friends, some people don't. I for one, have always believed in them, and I've always had a best friend or two or ten. 

In grade school, I had just one. And we did everything together. We had our own jokes, our own language, our own logo (yes, a logo), and our own table where we would order tuna salad sandwiches with Cape Cod potato chips at Max and Erma's. With her by my side, no one else in the world existed - and the other friends I had drifted away, annoyed by our exclusiveness. 

In high school, I picked up another one, and the three of us helped each other through the rungs of our academic and social evolutions. After spending all day at school together, we would run home to talk on the phone, spending hours making sure no stone was left unturned in our knowledge and understanding of each other.

Freshmen year of college, when my besties went elsewhere, I immediately found two more friends with whom I could bike to practice, play the role of really awkward girl at a senior lacrosse party, and gain consolation when each of my crushes chose other less bulky girls over me. Immediately, we were a trio of best friends with an armory of inside jokes.

By the time I graduated MBA school, I had about 10 best friends, and each of them were in my wedding. One of my favorite parts of that special day was hanging out with them in the morning - seeing their smiling faces - hugging them - remembering all that we had been through together and how each of them had influenced me.

Now this is the sad part. With the exception of a brief Thanksgiving drink last weekend with my go-to Max and Erma's date, and a drunk tailgate drive by of #27 at Notre Dame, I hadn't talked to any of my friends on the phone or in person since the wedding. Terrible, (I know!) So yesterday, I laid rest to the ennui of e-mail and finally phoned a friend. And caught up. While chatting with my friend, Nicole, who admitted to being equally bad at keeping in touch as me, we both realized the reason why ... it was because we both had new best friends who were monopolizing our time. And they weren't girls, they were boys.

Mine is Peter.

And he is the kind of exclusive, clicky, I do everything with him kind of best friend. I honestly never thought it was possible for me to have a boy as a best friend, but all signs point to it being right. He is always there to lend a helping hand - he doesn't care that I use twice as much toilet paper as him - he gives the best kind of hugs and back rubs - he makes me laugh as heartily as Meredith - he too wants to create a crest or logo for our partnership - and before he leaves for work he says things like "I'll see you at our regularly scheduled special time." Which just makes my day.

Long ago though, before each of my best friends had boyfriends, and fiances, and husbands, we promised each other that we would never let boys get in the way. That we would always be there for each other.Although I can use the excuse that my husband is my best friend as well, he's still a boy. And I still need to be there for my girls. So tonight, I'm saying a little apology for being the foreign friend. And recommitting to the click that I couldn't live without.


Having a best friend is great. But having best friends with an 's' makes life a lot more fun. 

Phone tag - game on!

Lo.