With a Smile On My Face

Monday, February 11

24 is the last row on the plane. It smells like airplane tinkle, my seat doesn't recline, and the consultant in front of me who stole my overhead bin space is reclining. I am typing with t-rex arms. Roar.

I left my house at 3:45 AM to fly to Augusta. Not for the Masters - for work - Augusta in the off season. Oh the places I go.

Bobby was sleeping in my bed. He was burning up with the same fever Mary and Margaret had. One after the next. It killed me leaving him, knowing he would wake up wondering where I had gone.

Ugh ... it smells, and I'm so tired.

February 12, 2019. 

I'm now on my way home - short trip. Presented to some franchisees, went to Bonefish Grill, slept, and then headed back to the airport.

There's heavy fog in the area so we are delayed. I'm nervous I won't make my connection in Atlanta. Which makes me nervous I won't get home in time for Mary's dance class, or the two ear infections, pink eye and clogged tear duct waiting for a dose of Mommy's love.

Come on fog - lift.

February 13, 2019

Cold rails. Decision making workshop. Home. Dinner. Medicine distribution. Baths. Bed.

February 14, 2019 

I had a vision of everyone waking up to find little heart balloons, valentines, and some Fanny May chocolates. Apparently that is how every family on Instagram greeted the day. Instead, I was working when everyone came down the stairs. I had nothing. Nothing. For anyone. Wait, I got the kids souvenirs from the Augusta airport. Does that count?

Peter surprised me with a beautiful little bracelet in a little blue box. Guilt settled in. I'm a bad wife.

I had to catch the early train. I showered and ran out the door, forgetting to kiss the kids good bye. I'm a bad mom.

February 15, 2019

Yesterday I cried in Conference Room 5NW13. Priority #3 of many more in my current work portfolio got fouled up and I felt like it was all my fault.

For the past 36 hours I've been trying to reboot it, righting the wrongs. There is uncertainty and blame going around. Who missed the gap? How did process fail us? How will we orchestrate this?

Get me out of here.

February 16, 2019

I'm 37 today.

37.

40 minus 3 is 37.

February 17, 2019

Church. Swimming with the kids. Lunch. Naps. Work. Dinner. Bed. Please let this next week go okay.

February 18, 2019. 

Cancel all meetings, focus on one thing. Sell in the Q3 2019 window. Wait two things. Also don't cry at work again.

***

Later that day, I found myself laughing with the team again. There was a ripple effect and everyone kind of pepped up together and worked through solutions. On February 19 and 20, we got the votes. Everything was okay. In fact, better than okay, I actually got kudos for getting what I did, done. And with a smile on my face.

The 'smile on the face' thing, has always been one of my strengths. And it bothered me that I let it get away - that there was so much going on I couldn't see beyond the problems - and that the people around me had stopped smiling too.

Any one of those days that I went wah wah wah all the way home, I should have been focusing on the wows. And there are far too many of those to get hung up on the small stuff.

I'd like to conclude that the bad days are behind me, but I know they will creep up again. I will just keep reminding myself to smile though, to find the humor, to actually take a weekend, and then maybe take a vacation too, to put family first, and to listen to my husband when he says, it'll be okay.

Lo.