The Trust Equation

In an installment of continued management education I attended last year, I was taught a new equation. In the style of behavioral science, there were no numbers, just the addition and division of buzz words. Jargon aside, the math in the equation resonated. 

Trust = credibility + reliability +intimacy / self-orientation. 

(And to define the buzz words ....)  

Credibility: I know what I'm talking about 

Reliability: I deliver on what I said I would do 

Intimacy: I make the audience feel safe 

Self-orientation: It's about me, not them (it's a bad thing, so it's on the bottom of the equation.) 

Last year, my company moved through a mass reorganization cycle that aimed to make a behemoth enterprise more efficient, more agile, and more innovative. There was a countdown, then a go day, and we are still in the middle of reorienting and evolving. 

To achieve the lofty ambitions defined by our restructure, there has been a reset on ways of working, roles and responsibilities, gate keeping, cultural norms, even incentive structures. And the underpinning to all of this, is trust. The corporation and all of its tentacles need to trust the vision, the future orientation, and the leaders at the helm. So, us leaders, learned about the trust equation. 

The first two elements of the equation are things good leaders typically do well. Quite frankly, if you aren't credible and reliable in today's marketplace you have bigger problems than solving the trust equation. It's the third point of addition and the divisor that are tricky. After many long-standing, tenured employees were laid off, and after key constituents like franchisees started sensing a power shift, it's harder to underscore psychological safety and a lack of self-orientation. But these are crucial elements in building a culture of partnership, accountability and excellence where your stakeholders want to work harder and smarter for you.

Intimacy and psychological safety are close kin. Leaders need to deliver a feeling of belonging, acceptance, championship, even familial ties in their working relationships. The definition we studied described a feeling of protection against surrounding risk. My company used to be known for such familiarity and safety. We even called the system, a family. In today's culture, this level of intimacy is more fleeting and fractured. As a leader you have to hold people accountable but also create an environment where you assert care. It's an art, never a science. I listen but I also judge. I express vulnerability but impress a strong will. I advocate for balance but have expectations that when the business demands it you find harmony another time. I fight for me people, but they have to give me something to fight for. Art riddled with polarities.   

Lack of self-orientation is humility and lack of ego. It's the underlying intent and demonstration that it's not all about you. I often tell my teams we have to do what's right for the customer and for the system. I assert that that I am thinking aloud, this isn't direction, I don't have all the answers. We do private collection before meetings so I can see the variance of response from the room and how we enrich our solutions. I co-create. I make it about them. I steer aways from 'I' sentences and start with 'we'. I've expressed my own frailty - things that I could have done better, lessons learned through a career. As someone who never really thought I'd be where I am, this comes easily to me.     

In big business, and one with varying incentive systems, despite efforts you make to do the math, there is continuous skepticism that fragments trust and trustworthiness. I have built my career on being authentic and trustworthy, but as I became more and more associated with the decision-making arm of the enterprise, I have found that my integrity can be questioned. 

So I posed a question during an executive meeting several months ago to a most senior executive. 'Yes, Lo ... question.' 

'Thanks ... so ... we are operating in an environment rooted in distrust. And I've even been coached to have a healthy distrust. What is our role fulfilling the trust equation that is being taught across the organization?' 

The answer I received was 'to build it - assume it - lead with it. You have to ... but also ... be a skeptic.' 

Clear as mud. 

As I navigate trust in corporate America at the mid-stage of my life, my daughter is navigating the same topic at a much younger stage. 

She turned 11 last month. Another milestone that seems remarkable She's in fifth grade and she is experiencing a bevy of different emotions as she forges new frontiers of friends and frenemies. 

She is experiencing friendships where there is reliability and credibility, but where self-orientation is getting in the way of true trust. There is suddenly competition in everything Mary is doing. In sports, clothes, taste in music, skincare routines, and academics, and I can see the stress that comes with it, impacting Mary's mindset.  

She has also started to understand human vulnerability. That she's not as invincible as she might have thought a year ago. During an active shooter drill at her school recently, the reality of the situation sunk in. She came into my bed that night unable to sleep, fearful that the world could turn ugly. Fearful that she wasn't safe at home or at school, her two havens. 

A month of so ago, the emotions of fear, distrust, and anxiety were laid out in front of me around 9:30 PM, in the middle of the late shift of my job. My mom mind wasn't ready for the heft of this conversation. Without the proper reading or coaching on how to respond, I reached for my business language and rationale. I listened to Mary first and all that her brain was trying to process. And then I feigned a response that was most likely unsatisfactory, but at least it was there.

On competition ...  

First, you are enough. Being the best version of you is the only competition you need to win. 

On friendships ... 

You have to keep the bad apples out. If someone is bringing you and the group down, it will spoil the whole. Walk away. Don't engage. Tell the person they aren't being cool. (I don't know how relevant or realistic that advice is for middle school, but it's what I would do.) 

On connectivity and communication ... 

Talk about how you are feeling. I'm always willing to listen, your teachers want to listen, and your friends and faux friends should hear how you are feeling as well. Often when people put a face to the hurt, things change.

And on trust in the face of feeling vulnerable ... 

Finally, sometimes you just have to lean in and believe in humanity. I think this is what my big boss was trying to tell me. Despite fear and skepticism, seeds of distrust and distaste, you need to build trust and lead with it. Assume best intention, assume those around you are making the decisions to keep you safe, have faith. 

Mary and I keep talking about the social dilemmas of fifth grade. She has been journeying through it with grace and maturity - skills that I didn't have at that age. And she's figured out who she can really trust and have fun with, and who makes her uncomfortable. I like that she trusts her mom most of all. 

In the past two years, as I've navigated new frontiers of trust in Corporate America, I've used the advice I gave to Mary, I've stuck by facts, I've proven I can get things done, I've been transparent and direct, I've brought people along into a feeling of security, and I've tried to mute any ego. It's a time in my business though, where despite my company's strength, we are feeling a little vulnerable. But as we reached a critical decision last week, aligning company, franchisee and supplier around common cause and resolution, I regained the energy that comes with trust and better yet, faith in our ability to collaborate. Being friend over foe, dare I say family, is what has always made me love my company.   

Lo.