Midway through the engineer and mother of two speaker's narrative, the story of balancing two high profile careers while raising a family strayed. She found herself at a crossroads, making a difficult decision after her family's third or fourth corporate relocation. Then and there she said goodbye to her career and hello to a full time role raising her children.
Oh.
I have to admit, I lost a little interest. And in a room of women grappling with their own life choices as well as a persistent sense of guilt and desire for more time with their families, I'm sure I wasn't the only one who felt pangs of jealousy.
I started to drift off into my own stay at home mom fairy tale, but was grounded again by an astute comment. She said that on Fridays everyone was always toasting to TGIF. But that in her world, there was no such thing. "TGIF?!" she said, "what does that mean?" There was no quitting time, no weekend break; if anything Saturday and Sunday brought their own challenges. I chewed on it, although admittedly, with a little skepticism.
Fast forward to now: one more kid, one testy two year old, three months of maternity leave, and one tired mama. I now understand what she was talking about.
I used to think I knew what made the exclamation TGIF(!) so joyous; the work week was over, there was a cocktail in my hand, life was good. Now I have a deeper understanding of quitting time; mostly because as a parent, the job doesn't end on the commute home. TGIF requires a little something else. One word; three syllables. Babysitter. Oops, that's four syllables. Without one, as a (working or stay at home) parent you are basically always on the job. And on those days when your two year old refuses to take a nap, it can be downright exhausting.
It's not that I don't want to smother my kids with love every second of the day. It's just that sometimes, as a parent you need to press reset; you need to find time in your own space to connect as adults. For the past couple weeks, Peter and I have been doing just that on Friday evenings (thanks to one word, two syllables: Mimi.) It's just an hour or so - but they have been some of the happiest hours I've ever had.
My new found advice - it's doesn't have to be Friday or the end of the day or a national holiday - but find time for you and him to reinvent your own kind of TGIF moment each week. Or if you're lucky enough to have a stylish, party planning cousin who knows just how important happy hours filled with beautiful bites, signature cocktails, fabulous hats, and cute cater waiters are as well, get a sitter and race on over to her house pronto.
Thanks Cousins Katie and Eric for giving quite a few mommies and daddies some fabulous hours way from home at your epic Derby Party yesterday.
Lo.
