The article was great. Well done Lisa. However, in all the recent efforts I've made to tame my personal obsession with the multibillion dollar beauty industry and the bimbos it produces, I failed Lyla. I held her for the first time and said. "You are the most beautiful little girl in the world. And I'm going to take you shopping. And you're going to have great hair. And you are just perfect."
Well she is ... but according to the article, I should have said something else. As a little girl that didn't read a lot, I didn't like Lisa's question. In fact, it would have jolted my self confidence. So I thought of a new question. And a little story to go along with it.
Once upon a time a cute couple decided to get a pint at the local Irish bar with their friend Dan. The threesome walked into the cozy establishment on a blustery, cold, Midwestern winter evening and took a seat at one of the wooden tables. They ordered a round of Guinness, some pub fare, and listened to the acoustic band play. The girl looked great. She was dressed in her new Citizens jeans, a knit blazer from Barney's, and her favorite Italian boots. Her hair was swept back into a bun revealing the little aquamarine earrings that completed the look. (Oops, not supposed to go into this part.)
As the band's rhythms shifted from fast to slow, the girl shifted in her seat to readjust her blazer and lean in to the boyfriend she couldn't believe she had.
And ...
Toot.
Crickets. In her mind the whole room went quiet, the band stopped playing, and everyone, especially her boyfriend, was looking at her.
Oh. My. God. Did you just toot?
What? No.
Dan, did you hear that?
Umm ....
The whole bench shook, you had to have heard that.
It did not!
Yes, it did. You are a little tooter. Toot. Toot. Tooter. Toot to toot toot toot.
Dan laughed (and laughed) while the boy shook his head in disbelief and the girl's expression revealed her desire to leave the scene of the crime as quickly as possible. She didn't though. She held her own. She laughed it off and managed to move the conversation along. And thankfully, the incident, was laid to rest after a couple of weeks of teasing and faux tooting.
But then, in Hawaii last year, while posing for a picture on the steps to the Four Seasons it happened again. The couple had just finished up their night cap and were walking hand in hand back to their room. They walked by a beautiful fountain and the girl asked, "Will you take a photo of me?"
Pose to the left. (ew, didn't like it.)
Pose to the left again ...
TOOT!
WHAT WAS THAT?!
(F!)
Two toots down. 'The Tooter' nickname stuck a lot longer this time. Basically, until it happened the third time, which was during an evening walk around the neighborhood last week (after a day of furious gum chewing mind you.) The girl bent down to stretch her overworked legs for a second and just like that, it became three toots the charm.
I am now not only Peter's cute little honeybee, I am The Tooter. A permanent nickname that I receive while refrying black beans, shredding cabbage for coleslaw, or stretching after running. And yes, it is terribly embarrassing, and terribly imperfection ridden, BUT it is also makes me laugh. A lot.
So Lyla, my question to you today - "what sound did you make?" It was probably an adorable little coo. But if just happened to be a toot rest assured that the people that really love you in life, won't care. If anything, it will add a little character, and by the time you hit three, you'll be proud of the wonderful little human instrument that you are.
Lo.
