No Regrets?

Whenever I have the opportunity to hear a big-wig speak, there seems to be a common theme that these all-wise, all-knowing individuals have no regrets in their life - - that everything they have done has been a tremendous experience and has led them to their mighty perch today. 

What a wonderful feeling that must be. 

Where I stand today, which seems like base camp, I look back on certain choices I have made over the past decade and wonder whether or not they weren't filled with mistakes. Again, I am facing a looming graduation from Notre Dame without a job. It happened in 2004 and it is about to happen again. The last time, I was focused on the lacrosse season, so any anxiety I felt at that time was around winning a National Championship (which didn't happen.) Today, my sole anxiety is finding a job - - a job that I like, that pays well, and that lands me in the Chicago area. I have been networking and I actually had 2 interviews over the past 2 weeks, but nothing is set in stone yet. Even my alleged guaranteed job offer from my internship this summer has more or less vanished, as there are no open positions due to the economy. I keep telling myself (as everyone else does) that things will fall into place, but I can't help but think ... what if I did this ... what if I had done that ... wouldn't I be stress-free now?

Here are some of those what ifs ... or potential regrets:

I went to get my undergraduate degree from Notre Dame and was originally in the business school. I had a hunch that this is where my talent might be. However, I found the large economics class I took 2nd semester of Freshman year, inadequate, so switched into the school of Art and Letters and became a verbose, idealist liberal arts student focusing on Art History. Potential Regret #1 - Not putting up with 400-person business school lectures, seeking the 8-person seminar, and being an artsy, fartsy student who spent too much time making ceramic bowls. 

When everyone in the business school was getting dressed in their business professional attire to peddle themselves at career fairs, and while the Arts and Letters students were figuring out which non-profit, version of teach for the underprivileged, or peace making effort to join, I was working with a career counselor to discern my personality type. I met with the same woman about 5 times and each session produced the same result, which I kind of already knew - - that I am scatter brained and indecisive. Potential Regret #2 - Trying to figure out the best fit for me at the time, when I should have just dived into the recruiting mess and found a job as a cookie-cutter consultant. 

When we lost to Northwestern in the NCAA tournament in 2004, I walked off the field crying. I don't really think it was because we lost, though it looked great and dramatic on camera. Instead, it was because I didn't know what to do next. I didn't have any more goals on or off the field for which to strive. I went back to Pittsburgh after graduation, lived with my parents, and tried to figure out what would be next. Because I always wanted to work at and own my own restaurant, I learned the ways of fine-dining restaurant management and managed a big contemporary American themed restaurant for over 2 years. Potential Regret #3 - Never work in a restaurant! Bad for your health, stability, social life, and motivation. Also, will lead you to daily incidences of sexual harassment. 

Because I knew I needed to redirect and further my education, I applied, got in, and went to business school. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to get out of it, but I soon learned that most people had a definitive plan. They wanted to solve the energy crisis, make a mint as the next super star Hedge Fund manager, run a non-profit in Africa, be a consultant at McKinsey, or get married. I thought marketing, but didn't know a thing about marketing. Instead of focusing on the career search as soon as I set foot in the door, I thought, wow, I am one of 10 girls in the program, and I haven't had the opportunity to party at dive bars in years! So ... I put on ridiculous outfits everyday and sipped cocktails every night. I was distracted by the social scene, and tried to distance myself from the dorky student I was in undergrad. Potential Regret #4 - Should have really concentrated in Stats, Economics and other technical classes from day 1! And shouldn't have wasted all my savings on going out, buying new clothes, and going on costly excursions in the first semester of school. 

I really shouldn't complain about B-school though. The first year turned out to be great, as did the 2nd year. I have learned SO much and gained a lot of confidence in problem solving and team leadership. However, I continued to put the job search off. I managed to get a great internship over the summer, which showed promise of a job offer. However, that job offer vanished when the economy took a turn for the worst. I guess the final potential regret, would have been to get on the job search as soon as I came back after summer, and reach out to various companies. The problem was that I still didn't know exactly what I wanted to do and how to voice it until last module, which was in March or so. I still am sold on a career path, but I have found a great intersection of my skills, interests, and natural talents in a couple of functional areas in the Food Service Industry. We'll see where these latest interviews lead me, but for now, I still have stress on my mind. 

So ... one day when I have achieved the lofty state of all-wise business leader, and speak to the young business minds at Notre Dame, I would love to say that I have gone through life without a regret. I think in the grand scheme of things, that everything that I have done will add up to something amazing - - that all my experiences will contribute to my sense of self and make me a better business leader. It is hard at times though, to see how everything fits together. However, working on my resume, cover letter, and interview spiel has let me make sense of some of the discontinuities. 

At this point, I can clearly say to myself, if I didn't make the choices I did, if i didn't have the experiences as artist, athlete, server, restaurant manager, and hat-sporting social butterfly, I wouldn't have had such a great conversation at CJs the first night of MBA orientation, which has lead to the most amazing relationship with the most amazing boyfriend. If I hadn't gone through the learning curve of business jargon and "skills," I wouldn't be as excited about continuing my education and learning more on the job. And if I hadn't listened to my gut interests and motivations, I would have most likely been a very unhappy consultant in Pittsburgh, trying to find my future husband in line at Kennywood. 

I wish you the ability to see the benefit in all that you do, and to not get discouraged when things don't look as you pictured them. There is most likely a reason, or a method to the madness. Just keep making the most of every opportunity that comes your way, and eventually the rewarding job or scenario, not as you imagined, but fabulous just the same, will happen for you. 

Lo