I had a great day yesterday - - got a lot done and had fun doing it! I went for a run, created a scrapbook from all the snips, clips and photos of this past year, went to mass, got my cap and gown, went to lunch with a good friend, got a pedicure, went grocery shopping, and made and ate dinner while watching the Pens game with my brother and his fiance. Wow, I love rattling off a pragmatic list of things I did! During the latter part of the day, as I was chopping vegetables and enjoying a delicious glass of cabernet, I watched some episodes from the first season of Sex and the City. I have seen the entirety of this season multiple times before, but each time I watch it I find new meanings and applications to my life.
This time around, I noticed that the first season presents the character of Carrie more as a sexual anthropologist or researcher than a party-going fashionista. Each episode is focused on her column and there is something smarter about her pursuits than in the later seasons when she takes on a more or less superficial role. I realized about half way through the 2nd episode that I watched last night, that this is why I like the market research and writing of business school so much - - it is very Carrie Bradshaw-esque. It also made me remember the other reason that I started writing this blog; to establish a place to document my observations and interpretations of the marketplace. In particular, a more practical approach to the dating marketplace, where women of my age and ilk seem to be living in a fantasy-land.
So, I would like to touch on something that I learned this weekend while in Kansas City for a wedding shower. I have long staked myself on my sense of independence and ability to have a good time alone. I like to go to movies alone, I prefer to run alone, I shop alone, tend to work alone, and I like going to bed early and waking up early because it allows for more me time. One thing I have had a hard time doing though is going to a restaurant or a bar alone. If my partner(s) for the evening leaves me hanging for more than 15 minutes, I become very self-conscious. As the groupings of people around me become livelier, I feel lonelier. I used to eat at the dining hall by myself in my undergraduate years, but I always did it very quickly - - I was in and out in a matter of 15 minutes.
So this weekend I set-out to conquer this fear. I arrived in Kansas City around 2 PM, my parents and sister didn't get in till 6:30 PM and our dinner reservations weren't till 7:30 PM. I knew the Pens game started at 6 PM, so I decided to go to a bar alone to watch the game and order a glass of wine. I figured if men can do this - - go to bars alone to watch games and have a beer, why can't I? I went to a place called Kona Grill, a trendy establishment that I had been to once before, but while I was in Phoenix, AZ about a decade ago. It was hopping and they had opened all their doors/windows in the front to entice passerbys to stop in. I was wearing my newer Citizens jeans and a red frilly top; an appropriate outfit for the happy hour crowd and the dinner that would follow at the restaurant next door. I thought I looked nice, so I confidently marched into the crowd, ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, took a gander around, found a seat at the opposite side of the bar and rushed over to take it. I asked for a channel change to watch the Penguins game, and began to passively observe the 20 and 30-something men and women as they attempted to find dates at the start of their weekend.
I was about 2 sips into my glass of wine when the first of my suitors for the evening approached. He had a deep southern accent and was trying to engage me in small talk here and there. He worked for Novartis in some capacity and kept referred to his wingman Cody who was on his way. His pursuit stopped though when I responded "just one" to his question, "and how many boyfriends do you have?" He and his wingman, who had just arrived walked away, and from stage right entered the next small talker. This one was Indian and was interested in why I was watching the hockey game. Again, our conversation was cut short when I mentioned my boyfriend. Finally, there was a British guy who ran some sporting company in Kansas City. He eyed me from the other side of the bar and came over to "have a chat." Though he was aware of my relationship status, he continued the conversation. He was actually quite funny and mentioned that British men and women are different than Americans in that "having a chat" at a bar is fine and friendly and doesn't have to be flirting. I thought that was very refreshing. After 45 minutes at the bar, 1 Penguin goal, and 2 glasses of wine, I said goodbye to the Brit and walked next door to meet my parents.
I told them my little story from the past hour and they were very amused. It got be thinking though, why do women always want to go everywhere in groups - - why, especially do they want to go to a bar to meet guys with a group of their most attractive girlfriends? Wouldn't it make sense for a woman to go to a bar alone and appear much more approachable to a guy or to increase your chances of being the one who gets hit on? When you go with a bunch of girlfriends there is a large chance that your thinner, more attractive, better dressed, but less funny and personality-driven friend will be the go-to-girl for the night. From my 45 minutes as the only woman ALONE in the bar, I have a working hypothesis that you WILL meet someone, and in a very short period of time, if you spend some time along there. My advice for single women: confidently, but passively engage in the friday or saturday night atmosphere by yourself. Try my scenario - - get a drink alone before later dinner plans, and see what happens. If any reader out there tries this and is successful, please comment! I would love some feedback.
Go Cubs Go!
Lo
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