It seems that throughout the books I have read, films that I have seen, and business news that I have been confronted with recently, there are a great many characters struggling with their identity. Their confusion about who they are and who they want to be becomes the crux of the plot. Indecision when it comes to self-definition, leads a character to peril. It is only when the character clearly defines who he or she is, that they can make the most of their existence, and create the most beneficial relationship with the stakeholders involved.
In the newest remake of Star Trek, a young Spock struggles to define his character. He is told, “You will always be a child of two worlds.” He is half human and half Vulcan, which in layman terms means he has an emotional human heart and a mechanic Vulcan mind that can make decisions based entirely on reason. In Terminator Salvation, the character Marcus Wright is half human and half machine. He finds out about his mechanic and indestructible interior toward the middle of the film, and when directed to return to Skynet Headquarters is forced to make a decision about his character. In the novel, Middlesex, Calliope/Cal struggles to identify with a particular gender. Calliope was raised as a female, but after puberty took on the appearance of a man. There is a constant tension between the two sides that tears at Calliope’s character, and she won’t be happy until she reaches a committed decision. In Corporate America there are a great number of large and small companies seeking to redefine their character. They have been something too big, too narrow-minded, or too irrelevant for too long, and given financial dire straits, they are forced to see where their core competencies lie. This reshaping of their identity is the crux of their corporate timeline. Without a sound, qualified decision, the said company faces greater stock price plummets, shareholder angst, employee lay-offs, and eventual bankruptcy.
In all of these examples it becomes necessary for the individual involved to make a strong commitment toward one side of their character. Spock sees the value of being emotionally comprised, and gives into his human heart. Marcus Wright also cannot overcome his human heart to perform as a machine, and becomes a warrior for humanity. Calliope sides with her male persona, and becomes a more sensitive, better-dressed, and more confident person because of it. Big companies have chosen a leaner version of themselves in order to get back to what they do best and survive economic hard times. Because of these tensions, struggles, and hard decisions, the characters mentioned above become richer, more successful, and more interesting than the more two dimensional characters who support them.
In the same vain, a product must have a clear understanding of its identity before it goes to market. It must have a well-defined and communicated value-add, so that the consumer knows exactly how this thing will benefit his or her life. A good product is reliable and long lasting. It is not something that you have to replace on a regular basis. Certain companies produce products that go through various life cycles. These products get upgrades and makeovers and usually leave the consumer wanting the original. (Microsoft Office is one such product that is continually upgraded, but seems to get worse and more confusing each time.) Consistency, reliability, value, hard work, physical attractiveness, and emotional appeal all work toward making a successful and lasting marriage between consumer and product.
I don’t want to sound harsh or over-simplistic. However, I believe there is a strong similarity between the goods market and the dating market. A solid product goes to market after a careful examination of what the said product wants to be and how it can make a consumer’s life better. When you enter the dating market, my recommendation is to have a clear understanding of what you can promise to deliver. Girls, in particular, in today’s society are struggling in identity formation in much the same way as the aforementioned characters. They are torn between who their parents and friends want them to be, and what they believe the media and a prototypical male want them to be. There is a constant battle in their mind from hobbies, nutrition, sense of humor, and education, to wardrobe, hair and make-up, and social circle. In many scenarios, girls are taking the easy road by turning into clones or knock-offs of an original. They find one girl, whether she is in their school, in film or television, or an older role model, and shape their personalities off of the success of that individual. They thus become the Wal-Mart version of the original.
As you enter the dating market, whether you are 16 or 35, the male counterpart that you are in search of, isn’t looking for a knock-off. Or, if he is, it is probably to fill a temporary void, until he can afford something better or more lasting. We all possess unique experiences and qualities that contribute to our character’s exclusive nature. There are certain things that we might have in common with one another, but when shopping around, men are looking for a distinctive personality, that will complement their nature.
So when you are gearing up for a weekend in search of that certain someone, think about who you are first. Think about those characteristics that make you special, different, and interesting, then play them up. In terms of physical appearance, accentuate what you like best about yourself. For example, if it’s your waist, make sure you are not wearing one of the ever-popular beer belly covering tops that girls seem to flock to recently. (NOTE: If you are proud of your entire body, please do not accentuate your entire body. You will end up looking like an easy, but unsustainable purchase.) In terms of your personality, funnel a conversation around a distinguishing part of yourself. Your job or your pet should not be the sole definition of who you are. What you do from 9 to 5 and who you talk to from 5 till bed, might not be the best place to start a dialogue. Think of a hobby you have, an experience you had, a great story, that makes you, you. Something that I always talked about was my participation on the Varsity Lacrosse Team at Notre Dame. I even remember showing a guy how I would play defense on him in the middle of a bar. This differentiating statistic, led to richer conversations about sport in general, which tends to be an immediate bonding point between male and female.
Like Spock, we are all children of a complex world, but it is our responsibility to define which aspects of our culture we want to embed within our character. Your identity in the dating market should be distinctive. Figure out your value-add, then walk into that venue confident, self-assured, and ready to sell yourself!
Lo.
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