The 36 hours spanned two nights or two bed time regimens; a calculated, drawn out affair in our household despite having been consolidated to one bedroom in the recent months.
From my bed though, I could hear Peter delivering story time, songs, and bedtime snuggles to the kids, reassuring them that I would be back in commission soon. At one point, I heard Mary ask for a braid - part of a new ritual I've instituted to prevent morning bed head and the ensuing screams Mary produces from getting her hair brushed. Unlike the way I wimp out on helping the kids with their Legos, Peter didn't pass up the challenge. He quickly read a chapter out of the Braids and More book, settled on a ribbon laced design, and started weaving Mary's hair around a red bow that likely tied up a Christmas present last year.
Before going to bed, she came into my room to show me her Dad's craftsmanship. It was honestly the highlight of my day. The part was stark and straight in the center of her head, there was more ribbon than hair showing, and there was nothing French about it, but it was adorable, beautiful, and absolute perfection. Another one of those moments as a Dad that Peter didn't hesitate to take a step out of his comfort zone to bestow an extra dose of love on his kids. Mary was beaming.
***
For the third time in five years, I'm really pregnant. Waiting ... and waiting for the sign that baby is ready to make her debut. It's that phase that's just about as uncomfortable, physically and emotionally, as this whole maternity thing gets.
First, the physical. Bending down to put my shoes on in the morning is nearly impossible. I have lost my balance and fallen over more times that I'd like to admit. Keeping up with my team as they fly up two flights of stairs to a meeting literally takes my breath away. And trying to lean in at work is frequently inhibited by a belly that won't let me pull my chair all the way up to the table. Sleep is ridden with anxiety, I pop Tums all day to curb the indigestion, my clothes are tight and itchy, and I have literally said, 'ouch' in the middle of conference calls when the baby kicks me a little too hard.
Another physical challenge ... having a baby in the middle of the summer means you get to experience the utter joy of putting on a swimsuit to take your kids to the pool every weekend. The act of suiting up alone is complicated, but the opportunity to strut my largess in front of the svelte moms of Mayberry can be plain embarrassing, exacerbated by the fact that they all feel the need to comment on how 'cute' I look as they smugly look down at their flat abdomens. The thing is, buoyancy with a 40 pound heavier frame is awesome. Totally worth sucking up my pride.
Then there's the emotional. The stress that labor is going to come on any day, any night now, that things might not be okay, that three, ages four and under, is going to be too big of a challenge for us to handle, and that just as I thought I was winning, I might lose again.
On Friday, I walked away from my desk for the last time until my leave is up around the midpoint of November. With Mary, and even with Bobby, it was a welcome exit. But this time around, it was bittersweet. All my work over the past year was turned over; I had to trust that my colleagues would execute the plan, and that upon my return I could pick up where I left off. I opened my calendar this morning; big meetings tomorrow and Friday. Everyone was surely prepping while I mapped out a day of park hopping, library surfing, and house cleaning. I didn't like the distance I already felt.
... But midway through the day, I loved how close as I was to my kids.
That's the thing about parenting. Just when you think you've got it down, things change, and you are thrown out of your comfort zone once again. It gets messy, there are days that tough, and it continues to challenge you physically and emotionally. When Bobby saw me get out of the shower the other night, he said, "Mommy that's a really big bum." At first, I cringed in horror, but then I looked at how filled with love his little smile was. Big bum and all, the little boy adores me, and that's the most comforting feeling of all.
Lo.
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