A and B under the Elm Trees

Throughout my pregnancy, my twins have had the names A and B. 

A was on the left side and the smaller one; the one that did flips in my belly, who had to be told, 'be good', stop kicking.' 

B was on the right side and the bigger one; the calmer one, but the one presenting when I went in to be induced on Thursday, claiming her position after fighting it out with her sister. 

That morning, we still didn't have names for the twins. Still peanut A and peanut B, we started feeling pressure to reach consensus.  

Peter and I debated back and forth as I got Pitocin and then started having contractions, as I got an epidural and the contractions got stronger, and finally as they wheeled my bed into the OR in the event I needed an emergency c-section. We went through names that started with A, names that started with B, names that were in the family, the names of Saints, and names that complemented not only each other, but the rest of their siblings. 

It took the hours after they were born to decide, and in those hours it got more complicated because the Baby we had known as A, went by B at hospital since she was last out. She was also separated from us in the NICU where she spent 48 hours making sure she could eat and keep her sugars up. 

We finally reached a conclusion - back to the original names we were debating in the Spring. They seemed to match your little faces.  

But before I reveal, I had to dramatize just how we got here, using the words or more rhythms of one of your sister's favorite bedtime stories. So here goes ...  

Girl Girl Go Go (adapted from Margaret's favorite book, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom)   

A told B and B told A, I think we're going to come out today. 

Whee said B to A and hey, when we get out it'll be time to play. 

Girl Girl Go Go, time to put on the big show. 

There goes Mommy up to the labor and delivery floor. 

And Daddy too, wearing pink, not blue, all on their way to the big button on the door.

Girl Girl Go Go, time to put on the big show. 

Look who's coming, Nurse Teri and Dr R. 

a bracelet on my wrist and the anesthesiologist. 

And beeps and boops and who's heart beat is who's? 

The whole crew, telling Momma what to do 

Until OH MY! 

Nurse Teri said, it's show time! 

GIRL GIRL 

GO GO!

Skit skat stirrup up 

Don't you dare flip flop up 

Everybody's running to the Operating Room 

Momma and Dadda, and the nurses and docs

Gather together to lift Momma's legs up by the socks. 

Help us out cried B and A. 

A half a push later, B was out to say. 

'Come on A, your turn, okay?' 

Here comes the little one, doing it her own way. 

B is 5'1, cleaned to pink from blue. 

A is 4'4, cleaned and taken to the NICU.  

B is sleeping and A is tube eating and Momma's so scared she's hardly breathing. 

Skit skat Daddy's back, A is finally back on track 

Tube is out, mommy's crying but trying to stop her pout. 

A and B are excited, now that they are finally reunited. 

The rain is stopping, the car seats are hopping.  

And the pink balloons are bopping under the big elm trees. 

But ... 

Girl Girl, Go Go, look the moon's a glow. 

Mommy's out of bed, and this is what she said, 

Dare double dare, I couldn't love you more. 

Let your teeny tiny hearts and dreams go ahead and soar.  

Girl Girl Go Go. Girl Girl (please) Grow Grow. 

Caroline and Jacqueline, my Baby B and Baby A - 

You are home with us now, and as the story mentions, we are so in love with you. 

Your births were unlike any of my others though. Nothing could have prepared me for them. I was nervous going into labor and delivery. And I've been nervous since I left the hospital on Saturday. I'm worried about your size. Tired and emotional from days, and honestly weeks without sleeping. You entered a scary world that is masked, at odds, on fire, paranoid, perplexed, and tense. So tense. But you arrived as my teeny tiny hopes. My dreams. My chance to nurture something better. Where peace, justice, kindness, and love come first.

And that is what I promise you. A household that puts those values, and your feeding schedule first. 

I love you too much. 

 

Lo.