Choices

My kids started school a week and a half ago. Mary and Bobby went in for the first time on Thursday, and Margaret was off to Pre-K 3 on Friday. 

Mary couldn't wait. 

Bobby could. 

And Margaret confidently marched in, masked and raring to go.  

It was like any other back to school in so many ways. The freshly laundered uniform, strategic selections of shoes and hair styles, bags of freshly sharpened school supplies, eagerness and excitement, mixed with a little of Bobby's anxiety. 

But in many more ways, it was unlike any other. They hadn't been since March. They were rusty and one was resistant. There was a 17 page document on safety precautions and procedures to follow. There were staggered arrival times, masks, temperature checks, wellness questions, separated desks, and bottles of hand sanitizer being generously pumped into kids hands.  

I've got to say, it was so weird taking the kids out of the car, strapping a mask around their mouths and noses, and giving them hugs and kisses, mask to mask. It guess it all felt safe. But also sad.  

Despite these changes and challenges though, each day the kids have run out of school with the biggest smiles on their faces. They absolutely love being back, especially my doubting Bobby. 

***

As our state reopened gradually this summer, there were all kinds of decisions to make. 

Should Peter and I go out to dinner? And on a 95 degree evening, sit inside? 

Was it safe to go to the pool? And at what capacity was it unsafe? 

Should we start going back to Church? 

Could we still go on vacation? 

Was it safe to sign Mary and Margaret up for dance? 

What about signing Bobby up for t-ball and soccer?

Is it okay to invite someone over for dinner? And then if it rains, invite them inside? 

And finally, school. Should I send them back five days a week as the school prescribes, or opt for an online model? 

Which ultimately begs the question, what's riskier? Your kids getting Covid or your kids developing mental handicaps due to isolation? Your sanity and survival or you continuing to flail through this crazy world? 

I swear, there is no good decision in this day and age, especially with all the conflicting advice: 

• From the archdiocese: We're reopening with the strictest public health guidelines - it's safe to come on back. 
• From the school itself: We are ready; your kids will be fine. 
• From one of my doctors: 'Can't they go online?
• From a couple of my other doctors 'Absolutely they should go back to school'
• From the American Academy of Pediatrics: 'kids should be in school' 
• From my mom: 'I'll pray for you all' 
• From my mom: 'Here's an article that suggests kids can have Covid in their respiratory system for weeks.' 
• From my mom: 'I'm still praying.'   
• From the right: Send em back. 
• From the left: Keep em home.

Right now, I feel like the best choice is the one you ultimately decide to make. You open yourself to risk, uncertainty, and challenges in either scenario. You think and think on what to do, and at the end of the day, make a call, any call, lean in, and like my Mom said, say a prayer or two. 

For me, I felt like they had to go back in person. They needed the socialization, the routine, the discipline, and the separation from our nest. And I needed that same distance. I felt comfortable with the measures the school was taking to keep the kids and teachers safe. I figured we had to get on, we had to try, we had to find some semblance of normalcy. 

My decision felt reinforced as back at school, the kids seem happier than they've been in a long time. They are sleeping soundly. I can see their little minds working harder. They are excited and I love seeing them spark as they tell me about their days. 

For me, the quiet around the house has been mesmerizing. I've been able to focus and take a breath again. And despite the worries that prevail, I will keep telling myself that it's right. I just hope that feeling lasts. 

Lo.