Attention Please

This past week I presented our summer campaign concept via Webinar to our Chapters. The goal of the campaign: to penetrate the noise of the crowded charitable landscape by aligning the many voices within our system around one message geared at our mommy demographic. Basically, it's akin to "the one ... two ... three ... everyone shout 'MOM!'" approach to getting the attention of the keeper of the cash. Our message is about how small acts of kindness, particularly donations of pennies, nickels and dimes, add up to make a big difference, and we believe our linked-in system will be able to create a surround-sound approach to capitalize on our call-to-action.

I had the floor to myself when explaining the campaign approach. Over 100 representatives from our system were muted on the other end, and I had the rare opportunity to speak to and inspire a captive audience. It felt pretty weird at times though. On and off while rambling, I got that awkward Webinar feeling of: 'Hello ...  Is anybody there? ... Can you hear me? ... That was a JOKE!' Which in turn made me think, especially towards the end when no one even raised a virtual hand, 'Are they really listening?"

The answer - probably not. At least, not listening intently. Most likely, the people I was preaching to were BBMing, texting, IMing, chatting, downloading, uploading, browsing, checking in and playing Bejeweled simultaneously, thus only digesting about 10% of what I said.

So Webinars, and work for that matter, can get a little boring at times and the opportunity to multi-task may arise. However, recently I was thrice struck by this need to have rich multi-media experiences in all that we do in our culture. We are living in an era where people don't just want to pay attention to one thing, they want it all at once, otherwise it's monotonous.

The first strike of this cultural pattern came from studying the conversational habits of collegiates when I went back to my alma mater a couple weekends ago. A year removed, I was able to be a scientist of sorts and study the behavior patterns of the over-achieving population. Universities like Notre Dame are basically Millennial Generation petri dishes. All of the over-protected/praised/confident/optimistic Millenials have been cultivated and encased in an environment that enhances their existing behaviors, presenting a bevy of opportunities for marketing and management theorists to probe and predict the next generation of corporate and consumer culture.

During a morning run on campus, I had one such opportunity to study the population. As I ran one way, I passed about three sets of girls on morning strolls walking the other. The girls were walking in tandem around the lake, engaging in Saturday morning gossip sessions. These conversations focused on searches for summer internships, campaigns for student government, final exams, try-outs for first tuba, harsh professors, harsher roommates, and stress - OVERWHELMING stress! (As a benchmark, my girlfriends and I used to have similar weekend chats, but I used to focus the discussions on foggy reminders of last night's debacles, confessions of which weight lifting exercise I skipped to avoid massive shoulders and thighs, status updates on the latest athlete crush who I had inevitably failed to gain the attention of yet again, and laughter, LOTS and LOTS of belly-hurting laughter.)

The conversations that I observed that morning though weren't only different based on the subject matter, they were odd because of the way in which they were being conducted. One set was half conversing, half listening to the whiny singer/songwriter du jour on their iPhones - meaning literally, the girls were offering one ear to their friend, and the other was capped with an ear plug. Another set was talking and texting at the same time. And the third was comprised of one girl on the phone talking to someone else while the girl next to her was reciting her weekend woes. I couldn't believe these interactions or lack thereof. No wonder they were all so stressed out. They couldn't manage the one on one relationship in front of them, let alone all the rest of the things they were trying to take on in their lives.

The second testament came at Church. During Mass last Sunday a very dynamic priest delivered an amazing homily about the difficulty of reaching a congregation through the sole means of speech in the 21st century. He lamented that in this digitally enhanced era, preachers have lost their luster because people no longer have the attention span to listen to a homily that doesn't involve applications, 3-D effects, social networking platforms, game systems, and surround sound.

The priest urged the congregation to listen though, and through the baby wails, baby talk and motherly coos of the women trying to silence their children, I did. He spoke of the importance of keeping an attentive ear toward the silences. It is then - in peace and quiet - that God reveals his presence. He made references to the myriad of revelations in the holy scriptures that came through simple words, spoken when the receiver was in contemplative prayer. The Church was built by those that listened - by those that heard the sacred call-to-action and put those words into their missions.  Whether a church-goer or not, there is something to be said for taking some time to engage in restorative, thought-provoking, inspirational moments of silence.

Third and finally, I became the testament to our culture's inability to listen. During our Monday team meeting at work I realized that although I try not to associate myself with the Millennial Generation, I am guilty at times of their focal deficiency. I took on the role of the culprit as I grew distracted by the little red blinking light on my Blackberry. As one of my teammates rattled off her status updates, I looked down at my mobile device and pondered the possibilities that could be unveiled with a simple password entry - could it be a new Twitter follower? A meeting invite? A BBM from my friend in Media Relations? A text message from my boyfriend? Oh the excitement of potential messages on my dashboard ... And ... suddenly I felt a swat on my hand by my manager who had without warning become intolerant to people checking their Blackberrys during meetings. Yuck, I was ashamed.

As I sit in my apartment at the end of this week in near silence - that is with the exception of my keyboard, the wind howling outside and the rhinoceros of a girl that lives above me stampeding her way through a hangover - I'm reflecting on the moments in my life when I take one thing at a time. They are few and far between honestly. (I just looked down at my Blackberry, Ugh!) From the moment that I turn off my ringing alarm clock, I feel like my day is a cacophony of multi-tasking. Some nights between the sizzling garlic, buzzing Blackberry, and sipping me, my boyfriend gets annoyed because I'm not paying attention, and to someone who is an exceptionally good listener, this can get tiresome.

Although, there are benefits to constant and continuous communication, there are set-backs. The most blatant of which to me is its affect on relationships. I have witnessed too many dates recently where the couple is focused more on their respective mobile devices than on each other. This is problematic enough for an existing couple, but what about those people trying to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right at the bar? First, how are you supposed to take notice of a great guy or girl through the cluttered, chaotic, mess of other individuals screaming for attention - those that aren't even present with you? And second, how are you supposed to maintain interest in the man in front of you when we live in a world where upgraded models come out every four months?

My advice, remove your personal relationships from the pace you have established at work. From 9 to 5 you will probably have to succumb to the rat race, but when you get home make the time you spend with the person or people you have relationships with about them. If you are out on a Friday evening looking for a potential relationship, mosey up to the bar, put away your Blackberry and strike up a conversation with the dreamy investment banker next to you. After a stressful day that included the market crashing 1000 points due to his firm's error, he definitely doesn't want to look at his mobile device - so take his lead. Make it about you and him.

During the same weekend I was at Notre Dame observing stressed out collegiates, I was able to spend time with some of my closest friends - The same girls that I used to have those weekend gossip sessions with. Mobile devices were put away, the board game was brought out, beer and pizza were in abundance, our significant others were present and we laughed those gut-wrenching laughs that make us the friends that we are. The best part about it was that my boyfriend got to share it with me, essentially gaining access to the real me - the me stripped of stress and contact with the office. After a month of work-induced crabbiness, it was a welcome return to us, the way we know us. It was a wake-up call to what quality living is made of - good friends, story telling, taking time to listen, food and drink, laughter.  

So this weekend and hopefully into this coming week, when you get to be one on one with someone, make it a one on one. Put down your mobile device, close your laptop, store your task list, and listen to the person next to you. I know from experience that genuine smiles and great laughs only come when you are truly present in the moment.

Now, on the other hand, if you find yourself in a very boring Webinar (that I'm not conducting of course), unleash the mighty multi-tasking powers that be. After-all you are on mute.

Lo

The Look and Feel

The communications team for my organization, my team, is charged with building, protecting and enhancing our brand. The goal is to unify a far-reaching system of Chapters and programs under one global mark, in complementary creative styling, and with a 'look and feel' that is synonymous with our mission. We encourage our system to properly consider our branding when developing creative collateral, engaging potential donors online, organizing event fundraisers, and building strategic relationships. Although, we have compiled a cache of templates, best practices, and arguments, there are still some Chapters looking to take the path less traveled - they want to experiment a little, and see if there isn't a better way to interpret the brand.

For the most part, our Chapters have embraced the unifying logo, but the whole 'look and feel' part of our branding has left room for some grass roots interpretation. Like any person, a Chapter wants a unique identity - It wants a look of its own. This is readily possible because our namesake program is a House. Each one has a different shape and size. It has different architecture, decor, landscaping, services and staffing. Each House has its own character and community-cued style, and much of the identity of the local Chapter's brand comes from this brick and mortar structure. We embrace it, and as my manager said yesterday, "it's more about the feel, anyway." Even though the House images might change throughout the World, the mission, character, and compassion of our brand remain in tact and unmistakable.

This week while building an argument for the look and feel of an organizational Facebook page, I took a detour on the popular social networking site to review some photos from last weekend. On my page, I can be seen donning a new Elie Tahari asymmetric black dress for an engagement party. This dress was the result of a recent craving to consume, and I'm not talking about the edible, rather the wearable. My craving started around Christmas when I hit the six month mark of shopping-depravation, but recently the fire was refueled due to several tax-season driven factors.

First came my very handsome tax refund, made possible by my Dad-doesn't-have-to-do-my-taxes-anymore, big-girl accountant. The craving was enhanced when the DOW hit 11,000 points and my company's stock reached $70. Though not yet an investor, it was signal enough that there was wealth to spend. Then, the Sex and the City 2 trailer hit YouTube and I proceeded to watch it about 30 times in a row. In its two minute length, there are perhaps 500 astounding costume changes, and I enviously compared the 40-something year-old characters' fresh wardrobes to my haven't gone shopping in a YEAR stale one.

So on Sunday - post Mass and Red Mango (my version of Sunday brunch) and before preparation of the dinner for two menu du jour - I gave into my craving after unsuccessfully trying to concentrate on my novel, A Reliable Wife. (I had just revealed that Catherine's rich suitor would send her to the big city of St. Louis to adjust her wardrobe for her new role in society - yep, I'm out.)

Since I didn't want to drive into the big city of Chicago, I thought the next best and more cost-efficient thing was to venture to Aurora - land of corn fields, a great Mexican restaurant and a pretty amazing outlet mall. They are not just Prime in Aurora, they are Premium. That means discount Armani, Ferragamo, Theory, Barney's, St. John, Kate Spade, Hugo Boss, and my downfall for the day, Elie Tahari.

As I approached, I realized I wasn't the only one attempting to break free from a state of consumer-withdrawal. Apparently, everyone got a tax refund this year and was trying to bring their media-driven fantasies to life. I literally had to park in said corn fields, beyond the parking lots because it was so crowded!

I meandered in and out of stores for a while - deeming some too crowded, chaotic, and cheap and others too quiet, stuffy, and expensive (yes, a $2500 suit discounted by 30% is still a $1750 suit.) Until ... I set foot in Elie Tahari - this one seemed to be just right. Great clothes, lots of 'good buys', and a moderate amount of buzz still to spark the shopping atmosphere.

"Can I help you find anything?" said the nice sales lady.

Hmmm ... I actually didn't know what I was looking for. As I shrugged her off with an "I'm just looking," I realized what I wanted. I had grown tired of my previously blogged about 'uniform' that I tend to wear to work everyday. And being told that wearing Wellies to work during the slushy season is not professional, was still fresh in a my mind. So I decided, that I was on a mission to build up my work wardrobe in order to better complement the company I work for, the role I perform, and where I want to go. In essence, this was part of my branding at this stage of my lifespan. I had to set a new tone for the look and feel of my personage.

Now, as a side note, I have been through many different looks in my twenties.

I've been both the butch and refined jock. Butch jock wore shorts in 30-degree South Bend weather, because my bulging thighs didn't fit into my pants anymore due to over-consumption of beer and Papa John's bread sticks, and one too many presses on the leg press machine. Refined jock, newly slenderized from muscle deterioration while studying abroad, wore high waisted J.Crew jeans, a rainbow of different colored cardigans, and Anne Klein loafers, while swearing off imbibing for fear of the sum of alcohol, munchies and weight lifting.

Then there was the blond party girl phase, which ended up turning into raven-haired party girl phase with a hint of stress-out, directionless, relatively miserable, over-worked restaurant manager that showed up in the dark circles under my eyes.

My transition look ensued, which combined the light and dark of previous years. It also brought bangs, which were a pretty heinous mistake. Not really sure what lay next in my life, I decided to embrace all my former looks in one.

In business school year 1 - I wore a lot of hats - enough said.

In business school year 2 - I embraced academia and was more or less a prepster - headbands, Sperry Topsiders, jumpers, button down shirts tucked into high-waisted pants.

In this business professional era of my life, I have decided that Theory and now Elie Tahari are my labels of choice. An edgy take on the tailored classics, that are muted and neutral, yet sophisticated and unique. Ahh ... just want I want to be in the working world at this stage of my career. So one friendly sales woman, led to a never-ending inventory of adorable dresses made for the day-to-night section of In Style magazine, a great time in the dressing room, and the paradox of guilty satisfaction when the same friendly sales woman swiped my Blue Cash American Express Card and wrapped my new dresses in plastic.

As I sauntered down Premium Outlet row, past others that were equally proud of their new purchases, that they believed might help enhance their persona, 2010, I was beaming. I called the boyfriend and alerted him of my great success and the fashion show that would be coming soon to a living room near him. His enthusiasm stemmed from mine - he was happy that I was happy. I have realized over the past couple years, that although he appreciates my outward appearance, it's not what makes me, Me. It's my character - that 'feel' that makes me who I am and is what my boyfriend loves. Sometimes my attempt at the well-dressed work 'look' turns to the 'feel' of a kind-of-unhappy, stress-embracing, can't-turn-it-off young business professional that my boyfriend doesn't like.

My Grandma and Grandpa used to always tell me as I was saying my goodbyes on their porch at 719 Forrest Avenue, 'Always stay as happy as you are.' I thought it was an odd comment at the time - like, why wouldn't I stay happy?! The ironic thing is though, there have been a couple times when I lost my genuine happiness, and in turn, kind of lost myself. My overly optimistic, enthusiastic, energetic and fun-loving essence is a big part of my brand. Through my many looks I should have concentrated on my 'feel' a little more - and that 'feel' is happiness. The sullen pouts, fatigue, and disinterest of the models and media is not me. As long as I have a smile on my face and laughter in my heart (and keep my look within certain parameters - i.e. don't pierce and tattoo every inch of my body, gain 100 pounds, or wear chintzy clothing) my boyfriend, family, friends, and co-workers will think I look amazing.

A smile is the best thing you can put on everyday. My organization knows this sentiment well - as long as our Chapters embrace compassion every day, they embrace the essence of our brand. The look part will come with maturity.

Little Orphan Annie said it the best ~ "You're never fully dressed without a Smile!"

Lo

Can I be Frank?

Recently, on a courageous conference call between our office and one of our Chapters, my boss made the bold move from congenial to candid, with the question, "Can I be frank?" The Chapter representative approved her query with an enthusiastic, "absolutely!" And from there, the two parties opened the floor for confrontation. They battled out the ownership, transition, and future development of an intangible asset, with each party under the conviction that the direct nature of the conversation would enable them to arrive at a more solid conclusion. They believed by being frank they would reach a comprehensive understanding of each party's true interests, the desires of the third parties involved, and next steps that are best for everyone.

After this phone call and a subsequent in-person meeting, we have reached a "better yes." We have achieved a prognosis that everyone is comfortable with and ultimately driven by. Moving forward our resolution is our credo. Today, my boss knows her role in the asset's management, the Chapter representative knows his role, and I know mine. We have all signed up, signed on, and are ready to implement.

As the note taker and lesson learner throughout these dialogues, I got a dose of how to handle the more difficult business conversation. The most important take-away was my boss' advice to develop a "Know, Do, Believe, Feel" outline: that is, to create a list of answers to the questions:

What do I want my audience to KNOW?
What do I want my audience to DO?
What do I want my audience to BELIEVE?
And how do I want my audience to FEEL?

She advised me to employ this exercise when entering any meeting, call, presentation or speech, because otherwise emotions would get the better of me, and the conversation would become counter productive and a giant waste of time.

This is a work in progress for me, as I am perhaps the most passive aggressive person that I know. In Organizational Behavior, we used a "management" term for those that are unwilling to rock the boat (namely, me). We are called self-monitoring individuals; Also know as people pleasers or brown nosers. There are strengths to these individuals: we are good at reading situations, adjusting our personalities to fit various needs, and are usually able to get what we want. However, there are major set-backs: primarily, the inability to bring people together and have candid dialogue that gets you and your team to a "better yes." No great organization has taken strides forward without frank conversations.

This week I put the "know, do, believe, feel" exercise to the test at work, and it went swimmingly well. First, for a presentation and second, for a strategy meeting. This weekend, I have decided to see how it would work in my personal life, largely driven by the inability of others to arrive at successful conclusions.

Last weekend, over pizza and beers at Piece in Wicker Park, I was witness to the most awkward expose of first-date pizza-ordering ever. As the cute young couple sat down, I saw a spark. However, this spark lost its luster when the big decision of size, style, and toppings came about 8 minutes into their date. Their first drink had just arrived, and they had obviously not been through a personal know, do, believe, feel when it came to pizza. They asked the waitress for more time to work out what they wanted to eat, and three phases of the decision-making process ensued:

1. General inquiry about what the other wanted with a lack of response - Boy thought: Meat / Girl thought: Artichokes. Boy said: I'm up for whatever. / Girl said: I am too. [Buzz - wrong!]
2. Avoidance of the decision-making process - both turn to mobile devices under the table and start rapidly texting their friends to the tune of "this date is going really bad!" [Buzz!]
3. Settlement on a large half and half pizza (meat on one side, artichokes on the other), which was about the size of a windshield and sparked frustration from the mass of people waiting their turn to sit down and eat. [Buzz - not the better yes!]

Ashamed of their inability to compromise on toppings and embarrassed by the sheer square footage of their pizza, the boy ate his meaty side and watched the basketball game; the girl ate her artichoke-ridden side and continued to text her friends while starting to scope out the other guys at the bar.

After seeing this critical decision-making process go awry, essentially spoiling a date that had the potential to go well, I thought, "there are ways around this!" There are ways to get both parties signed up and signed on for the right pizza and a good date night by using the aforementioned template. Tonight or tomorrow night, the boyfriend and I will have pizza for dinner, and because I never really voice an opinion on the pizza order, I will attempt to employ my new template to get to a better yes.

Know: "I have a love/hate relationship with Pizza. I hate it because I am scared of clogging my arteries and injecting my thighs with fat cells from the gooey cheese, greasy sauce, perfectly seasoned sausage, and airy crust; BUT I LOVE the taste and have no problem polishing off four or five pieces of pizza. Also, you should know that I used to pick off all the cheese and toppings and just eat the dough from Papa John's Pizza in high school and college; I prefer thinner crust and topping it with things like goat cheese, roasted red peppers, morels, and pesto, because this fulfills my craving for pizza without the inevitable heifer feeling; and I like the crust that I make from my artisanal bread book because it rises for 6 hours, has more air pockets in it, and is reminiscent of the focaccia-style pizza I ate every day while studying in Rome." Phew ... sigh ... See that wasn't so hard.

Do: Forsake the Chicago-style deep dish tonight and make individual pizzas with me.

Believe: Pre-pizza - She is not that crazy. Post-pizza - This tastes delicious!

Feel: Full.

So basically, the template is heavily weighted toward the KNOW part for me, but that is probably because I tend not to tell people 80% of what I am thinking. I tend to tell others what they want to hear.

In a business or personal relationship, self-monitoring only works for a set amount of time. There is an expiration date to going through life on other people's terms, because ultimately you will end up feeling unhappy, and the other person will not have the chance to grow. The goal in business and in personal relationships is to reach a resolution that enables growth for the team. To get here though, it is necessary to be a little more transparent, a little less reserved, and little more confrontational. Go ahead, be frank, but do it with a plan. In my life, I believe a new commitment to being candid and prepared, will benefit my projects at work and leisure activities at home. Tonight, I believe it will bring a more rewarding pizza-consuming experience! AND if you are on a first date and need time to transition from self-monitoring to persuasive persona, don't choose a pizza joint. Go for a restaurant where individual orders are the specialty.

Mangiamo!

Lo

Le Reve

About mid-summer, post Calvary Camp, pre-family vacation, and right about when my world-traveling friends would start jetting-setting to Latin America, the Far East, and Europe, I would find myself in a familiar scenario: My brother would be playing in the street with other neighborhood boys (one of which was my grades 6 through 8, blond haired, blue-eyed crush); my sister would be at smart camp, and I would be in and around the house using my imagination to the max. To be fair, my elderly babysitter, Edy would occasionally wake up from her cookie-induced coma to provide companionship and play a couple rounds of 500 Rummy with me, but mostly the middle of my middle school summers were spent with me, myself and my vivid and dramatic imagination.

One of the routine acts within my portfolio of solitary imaginary dramas, was a walk alone in the park with my imaginary boyfriend (AKA my next-door neighbor crush.) I would walk from my House into the grounds of the Mellon estate where there were lush, romantic gardens and create dialogues and blocking for the relationship of my dreams – One that involved smelling the roses in the tiered garden and chasing each other through trellises. To put this odd vision into perspective, I believe I had consumed one too many accounts of the Secret Garden growing up, and was most influenced at the time by the musical version.

I had fun in what I like to call la-la land, and I believe that nurturing my imagination from a young age has made me more creative today. However, I look back and wonder what would have happened if I was a confident, much less awkward seventh grader. Would I have been able to go outside, take part in the boys-only street hockey game, and nab my crush? I might even have had the summer fling and first kiss a la Sandra Dee that I had always dreamed of. I also wonder though, if any middle or high school crush would have fulfilled my Mayberryesque imagination.

In past entries, I have pointed out some of the benefits of going it alone in this day and age, especially when venturing out on the town. I have witnessed the ease, with which one can form an introduction, conversation, and relationship when not surrounded by an intimidating pack of female clones. For one, my relationship is a product of an introduction made while I was sitting alone at a bar.

I just got back from Las Vegas - essentially a fantasy land for adults. I spent eight nights there, the first half of which were spent alone. In this solitary set-up I had ample time to test my theory of going out alone and evaluate if it is well worth a woman's time. Though I thought my theory was full-proof, I noticed something not too distant from the bizarre solo jaunts of my youth. In this city of reverie, where everyone's imagination is going wild, I found it near impossible to create a real and lasting connection with anyone that I had just met.

Night 1: Sage, The Aria
This was my first experiment in going out alone, confident, and well-dressed on the strip. I had decided that I would go to the newest of Vegas' offerings and the 2nd highest rated restaurant opening of the year. I had grand visions of this night out. I imagined moseying up to the bar, resting my pink clutch on the table, removing my black and white checked cloak, and ordering a martini. Two minutes later, George Clooney or someone of his ilk would ask if the seat next to me was taken, we would hit it off, I would tell him about the wonderful work of my Charity. He would immediately express that he wanted to be our premier celebrity friend - he wanted to do events, PSAs, and media releases to spread the word of our unique programs and services. I would come home triumphantly as the girl who snagged THE celebrity-friend relationship of the century.

Instead, the reality was bleak. An odd, creepy couple from Colorado abruptly sat right next to me within the virtually empty bar. They asked what I did, realized a connection, and asked if I could assist in their pursuit to be the sole supplier of billboard ads for McDonald's Brazil. Not the work relationship I was looking for.

Night 2: Craft Steak, MGM Grand
Refreshed, renewed and revved up after being Googlized on the second day of my seminar, I decided to try to form a different set of relationships on the second evening out. I was about to go to the man cave - one of THE steak houses in Vegas, and I was going to conquer and convert the high rolling men into ultimate donors. I was going to insert my business persona into their golf club-swinging, cigar smoking, ribeye consuming conversations. I was going to be the it-girl in a sea of men ... and yet again, reality struck. I was sitting alone focused on consuming the most amazing piece of salmon, in a sea of tech geeks who had absolutely no interest in my presence. My friends for the night - the water boy and my blackberry.

Night 3: Tao, The Venetian
At this point, I was just looking for a friend. I stopped by Restaurant Charlie first to say hi to two old friends from my restaurant management days, and then with a craving for sushi and a familiar atmosphere, I set my sights on TAO. I had been there three times in the past, late at night, with some of my best friends. I sat at the bar, ordered some maki and imagined that suddenly they appeared behind me, we opened the rope to the upstairs club, and we partied all night long. Obviously, it never happened. Rather, I was greeted by a friendly ex-actor from Holland and had a decent conversation about my blog of all things. He was amazed that I had the confidence and courage to go out alone in Vegas. I was amazed that the only valid connection I made on these three days, was with a guy who used to make a living off of dramatic scenarios and role-playing.

Night 4: Wing Lei, The Wynn
Night four was supposed to be in line with nights one through three, but I got tired of my imagination not meeting the reality I encountered. So I called one of the most fun people that I know, Cinderella. Yes, I have a friend who used to be the premier princess at Disney World. And we had a good time dining and dancing in one of the most fantastic spots in town - the Wynn.

Night 5: Red Square and Foundation Room, Mandalay Bay and Il Fornaio, New York, New York
On night five, my single streak came to an end with the best reality of all - my boyfriend. He brought me back down to earth and reinstated my big smile and belly laugh. There he was: my real-life blond-haired, blue eyed crush. Better than any imaginary iteration through my school days. There were whimsical moments of course- Champagne toasts at the Bellagio overlooking the illuminated fountain show, vodka toasts in the vodka vault of Red Square, martini toasts at the members-only Fountain Room on the tip-top of Mandalay Bay, and a roller coaster ride over the strip in my gold Missoni dress. The dips, loops, and giggles were the perfect way to jolt my imaginary wanderings back to my wonderful reality.

I think I will forever be a bit dramatic, and I think my imagination will always run wild. However, more and more I realize that the reality I have every day doesn't need embellishment - it's amazing. When you go out whether solo or en masse, meet a guy for the first time, or find yourself in a serious relationship, make sure that you are capturing the essence and reality of the present. Have a fantastic Friday!

Lo

Performance Review

Tis the season of judgement. From figure skating and ski jumping at the Winter Olympics; to cut-throat and controversial Oscar campaigns; to performance reviews and bonus sign-offs at work - It's one of those times of the year, when we are especially critical and there is a line drawn between the winners and losers.

After nine months on the job, it's time to have the official one-on-one review with my boss. In preparation for this looming meeting I had to self-assess first, which was far more than listing past accomplishments and future goals on a piece of paper. Rather, it was a process that involved collecting and sorting evidence of the physical and psychological; tangible and intangible; work and work ethic. To provide the argument for my productivity, I asked colleagues to provide candid remarks about their working relationship with me, I sifted through my in-box, file folders, calendar, and scorecards to create complete lists of projects, and I strategically massaged the messaging about my work to tell an even better story.

Next I had to assess and convey my more touchy, feely strengths. I had to think of shining examples when I demonstrated leadership capabilities, team building and playing skills, openness to discovery and innovation, pursuit of excellence, and ethics.

I arrived at an honest and thorough self-judgment and presented my scoring and commentary to my boss to review. On Friday of this week, we will have a conversation about the scores to discuss whether or not she agreed, signed off, and compensated me based on these numbers. There is always the chance that she will not view my triumphs with the same clarity or excitement, that I wasn't reading the signs throughout the past nine months, and I will be fired on the spot. Maybe we are better friends, and less compatible in a working relationship. If this is the case, do I get referred to another friend, or kicked out of the inner circle completely? Because I am an over-analyzer this conversation will inevitably be uncomfortable, scary and awkward.

Last week I had a teaser of this meeting when I had the opportunity to sit next to my boss on the plane for 2.3 hours en route to Austin. To gain a better understanding of how she looked at performance reviews and issues, I told her about my upcoming blog entry and asked for her input. I wondered how she felt about judgments, assessments of strengths and weaknesses, and whether or not certain weaknesses were deal breakers. She made a very interesting comment: “There will always be those people that perpetually score 2s on certain sections and that's okay. These people fit in the grander organization. They may always score low on 'change leader' or 'innovator,' but their team building skills are exceptional."

This weekend, when describing her team at work, my sister-in-law put it in the vernacular. She said, "We need a good cop and a bad cop; the ying and the yang." So maybe a weakness or score of 2 here and there, aren't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Great teams are created when individuals with complementing strengths come together and are able to find a rhythm in the way they work.

Inevitably, this got me thinking about relationships whether freshly minted or 25 years in the making. Do you need periodic or even regularly scheduled performance reviews to make relationships work better and to let each other know where they stand? After all, this is one of the most important teams you invest in. Are such reviews for some couples and not others? Do they remove the romance, spontaneity, and secret challenge we give our significant others to know exactly what it is we want, when we want it? Or, perhaps do they ultimately boost the allure and mutual compatibility - opening the lines for candid communication and more comfortable subsequent dialogue? As I mark the 2.5-year mark with my boyfriend, I wonder if we are a couple that needs an official performance review?

Though necessary and effective in the professional setting, after witnessing two more personal examples I believe when dating, there's no need for scrutiny and intense assessments. If you get to that point, the relationship has lost its vital signs and you are probably doomed.

Experience one: I watched the movie 500 Days of Summer last night, which is a testament of how looking for cues in a relationship could save a lot of time and heartache. There were glaring signs that this relationship should be dissolved, even though the male lead was smitten, love-struck, and inspired by his muse. They didn't need an official review, because her body language became a scoring system of her own: Her carefree laughs turned to tears, her bright smiles turned to smirks, and her level of excitement turned to fatigue. At the end when explaining why she was able to marry someone ... but not him, she says, "I just knew ... and I never had that feeling with you." That's it. It's a feeling you either have right off the bat or come to know within a relatively short period of time. And when this feeling isn't mutual, you won't see the relationship mature, expand, and enlighten over the months and years.

Experience two: A friend sent me a score sheet of sorts that she had recently used when assessing the level of compatibility in her relationship. After presenting the list to her boyfriend, talking through the various parts, and disagreeing on many of the key items, their relationship was ... ding, ding, ding ... deemed incompatible and dissolved. It was a tough period of time following the break up, but she believes they are both in better places as a result. My questions though: How could you not know that you weren't on the same page in the two years leading up to this conversation? Were there not signs present? Did you not have the deeper dialogues in between play time? My belief is if you get to an official assessment in your relationship, it most likely isn't going to last.

I don't need a scoring system to let me know that my relationship or team is performing well or at its optimum. The confirmation is in the genuine laughter, the open conversations when I'm allowed to ask the ridiculous and still get an honest response, the excitement to see each other every day, the quality products we create together, and the growth we've enabled in each other. If these qualities weren't there, it would be obvious that the relationship wasn't going to make it.

So, when making your judgments about your relationship I would recommend looking at the following:

1. Do you smile and laugh 95% of the time, and when you cry does the other person make you feel all-the-way better?

2. Do you like spending more time with your significant other than alone or with friends?

3. Is the sum of your team, much better than the individual parts? Are you happier, healthier, kinder, wiser and perhaps even a better cook with that person by your side? And has that person told you that you bring out the best in him or her as well?

4. Do all the annoying weakness that you used to notice when dating - like creepy back grabs, odd balding patterns, weird hands, bad sense of humor, inability to dance, self consciousness, lack of athletic ability, stupidity - become irrelevant with this person?

5. Do you look at this person and say he or she is the one and really know it.

In a good relationship and on a good team, you just know when it's right and when it's working well. When performance issues arise, then yes, maybe it's time for that assessment. But most likely the complementary nature of your weaknesses with his or her strengths and vice versa is fleeting if you arrive at an official performance review.

Open to success stories though ...

Lo

Impress, Attract, Convert

One of my core responsibilities at work is to be the “voice” of my company online. I am charged with the provision of a compassionate, friendly, unique, and engaging tone in cyberspace. So, I tweet, post, respond, and manage web-content to educate the public at large. Each day, I send messages through various channels to a loyal group of followers, fans, and friends, who in theory act as brand ambassadors, magnify our messages by repeating what we say to their networks, and ultimately give us their money. My success is measured by impressions, click-thru rates, and the be-all-and-end-all, conversion rates.

Throughout the eight months I have been on the job, my team has seen vast improvements in impressions and click-thru rates. However, the conversion rate statistic is a little harder to rev up. There are slow, incremental improvements, but on the whole we have not cracked the code to securing significant developments on this metric. Basically, we are collecting more and more interested parties, and some of them have latched on, but the majority have turned us down.

Because I am always thinking about parallels between what I do at work and my personal life, I couldn't help but notice how some of our marketing strategies mirror the complications, trials, and victories in the game of dating. In my opinion, I believe finding that inevitable other doesn't always come down to happenstance or fate. Rather, I think there are some business premises that enhance one's chance of making that ultimate conversion from interested party to purchaser.

This past weekend I traveled to my hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, to attend a bridal shower and bachelorette party. This was a set of events hosted and attended by my closest high school friends, who are perhaps the best looking group of girls on the planet. Every time we get together, it is like walking onto the set of Sex and the City season 2. They are dressed in the latest looks from Alice and Olivia, TIBI, Theory, Rebecca Taylor, and Dionne Von Furstenberg, with high-end accessories from the likes of Ferragamo, Prada, Gucci, and Louis Vuitton. Everyone’s hair and make-up is understated, yet perfect. They are all naturally slim, out-going, well-spoken and supremely confident.

I had to think diligently about which party dress to pull from my costume closet as I packed last Friday, so I would be prepared to enter a Saturday luncheon where I was explicitly told “not to wear jeans!” (I must say I made a very good choice, due to the large number of compliments.) I accentuated the chic dress and the tone of the afternoon with the accessorizing labels of Tory Burch, Cole-Hahn, Movado, and Chanel.

In a room filled with with friends and family members that had already pledged their allegiances to each of us, there wasn’t much selling to do. However, in the evening, when seven girls set out on the town for the bachelorette party, there was a need for differentiation and tasteful promotion to set each of us apart from the next. But how does this happen? How do seven girls with incredible genes, equal access to fantastic wardrobes, and the impeccable ability to blow-dry, apply, and style attract the coveted customer; the one that will last a lifetime?

After studying and practicing marketing and communications principles in school and on the job, I have learned that there are four basic things that any brand can manipulate and massage to make their goods and services more appealing to the consumer. One of those things is promotion. Promotion is all about attracting a buyer and increasing sales through various strategies. In the marketing world these are things like coupons, PR activities, competitions, displays, advertising campaigns, and loyalty incentive programs. For the individual, promotional activities include knowing what's best about you and finding ways to get the message out. Self-promotion is about telling your story visually, verbally, and emotively in a different way from your competitors. For the single girl looking to stand out among a bevy of beauties, there are key learnings from a successful campaign's promotional activities, that can enhance how she steps out on the town.

First, play up your most unique and amazing asset, and do it in an original way. Though women are made up of the same basic parts, there are some parts that look best on you, and other parts that look better on someone else. In MBA school, we talked a lot about "sustainable competitive advantage." Every successful company has achieved excellence through a lasting differentiating factor that they then promote to their consumers. It's the company with a focus and an investment in that focus that makes an impression. It's the company that tries to be everything to everyone that fails. Instead of following the trending topic, wearing a common look, over applying or enhancing; Try picking one part of yourself that you are proud of - make a splash with it, and then dim the less interesting parts. Along with this, try playing up your chosen asset in a unique way. For instance, if you've got a great neckline and shoulders, own the off the shoulder look. Make this a standard look that people will always associate with you. YOU are the girl with the elegant shoulders and neckline. This comment may be more or less latent to a guy, but your consistent, confident look comes with a certain feeling and memory attached to it.

Second, find and know your brand essence. As I mentioned, on the outside, we are basically equipped with a set of parts that make us blend together. Though we may have great red hair that makes us stand out in a sea of blonds, there is something else that guys can pick up on a mile away. That is our confidence, which is made up of our internal values, talents, character, and pride in all of these. This is our brand essence and it should be brought to the forefront on all occasions. If you don't know or can't find an underlying, personal essence to your outward appearance, you will just blend in among the competition. Stand up straight, SMILE, laugh heartily, be genuine, gesticulate, and love the moment you are experiencing. Everyone wants to be part of the good time - that good time should be you.

Just like a fast food hamburger restaurant, we all have the same tools to make us the better burger joint. The restaurant can dress up the burger with lettuce, pickles, onions and special sauce, but if it doesn’t associate that amazing look and taste with something bigger and more emotive, than the consumer is not going to become attached to that product. As women, we have the same access at all price-points to make-up, clothes (and generally speaking guys can’t tell the difference between the cheap and expensive stuff), diets, and hair-care techniques. We all have the ability to look great, but if your potential consumer can't see something more than a cliche, he will lose interest.

Third and finally, you can't just shout your message to a captive audience. Today, a guy's attention span is shorter than ever, and in order to captivate, you have to engage in a dialogue - to be a good promoter, you have to be a good listener. You have to know what the consumer wants, then hone your messaging to his cues. The reason that marketers have gone on-line and have started to speak to consumers on their agenda, and in their time and space, is because shouting through a box to uninterested viewers no longer works. People want to know that companies care about their individuality. They want brands to interact with them and communicate directly to them. When you enter a bar, a party, or even the grocery store, there is always an opportunity to tell your story and promote yourself, but most times it helps to know your target audience's story first.

There are so many other aspects of promotion to touch on, but these are biggies. And, there's more where this came from. In the meantime, this is a start to help you improve your conversion rate. The key take-away: Focus on strategic self-promotion when you play the dating game - strive for quality impressions, achieve higher click-thru rates, and aim for the conversion of a browser into a purchaser.

Lo

Dressed and Ready

When I was playing lacrosse at Notre Dame my coach, Tracy, told the team to be "dressed and ready to go" about three hours before the opening draw of the game. Dressed and ready meant uniform on, pump-up music off, eyes on and ears open to our all-wise and powerful head coach. "Dressed and ready" took me and my teammates out of our roles as students and into our realm as star athletes, where our following of loyal fans, which was entirely comprised of family relations, really good friends, and an odd assortment of townies and professors who adopted a cult following of women's lacrosse, would cheer us on by name and number.

My transition from student to athlete started as I stripped out of my typical art-historian wardrobe of J.Crew high waisted jeans, white t-shirt, cardigan sweater, Ann Klein loafers, and Vera Bradley tote. (Yes, I have always dressed like a 45-year-old mother-of-four.) In the locker room, and set to the rhythms and lyrics of my team's favorite rappers, I started to shed my somewhat dorky, snooty, and perceived mature persona into a rendering of a tough, brusque, and hot lacrosse player. As I misquoted Big Poppa, I would pull on my under-layer of spandex and sports-bras; and as I awkwardly bobbed to Snoop Dogg, I delved into my the outer-layer made up of my #7 jersey, gold kilt, cleats, and a sweat band that I strategically positioned under my bicep to make my arms look more defined. My long strait hair was swept into a ponytail that I would clasp again at the bottom so it would swing together as I ran down the field. Next, I would go to the mirror to complete my look - adding the finishing touch - I crowned myself with a striped head band, given to me by my brother with the explicit directions to be more gangster. Now I was officially "dressed and ready to go."

My art history, literature, Italian, and acting teachers never would have suspected that #7 was the same girl that raised her hand enthusiastically in the front row of their classes. My lacrosse garb enabled me to be something that I never thought imaginable - the first home and one of the leading scorers for the number-two team in division 1 varsity lacrosse.

Today I woke up and got dressed and ready for work. This is a much less interesting process, but one that I take with the same amount of seriousness that I applied to my lacrosse game preparations. It starts by shedding layers of Under Armour and revitalizing my raw body in the tepid water of my shower. I then lather up in lotion to reduce my over-active static electricity problem, apply make-up in a methodical way, and then open my closet to assemble an outfit for work. Everyday it is basically the same (I actually wonder if my co-workers think that I don't wash my clothes.) I choose a set from a collection of strategically purchased and well-tailored black and gray pants, camisoles, sweaters, and boots.

If you've ever seen one of those movies where the main character opens up his or her closet and everything looks exactly the same, that is me. I have invested in buying not just one of two of what I like, but a whole closet of clothes that I love and inherently look exactly the same. It is because I feel comfortable and confident in the work-day uniform that I have pulled together. I feel that this ensemble perfectly promotes my persona at work - It says sound, smart, sophisticated, savvy, success-driven, with an undertone of sass.

As a side note, my weekend look comes from my other closet - my fun closet. It is where my boxes of expensive shoes, gold-lame gloves, fedora hats, scarves, small and large handbags, and a myriad of flouncy, colorful dresses live. This is my costume closet, where I play and promote the creative side of myself on the weekends.

After I blow dry my hair, I glance in the mirror one last time, apply another round of lip-gloss, smack my lips together, and say, alright dominant QSR, here I come! I finish my work-mode prep by tuning into the liberal banter of NPR morning news during my commute. This is my new version of pump-up music for the corporate games I am about to play. It prepares me to combat politics, contribute to technological conversations, and quote stock market predictions with ease.

My rituals of preparation to compete on the lacrosse field and those to compete in corporate America are quite different, but the underlying concept is still there. If I would have come out to play unfocused, tired, or scared, me and my team would have had to play a lot of catch up in the second half, which always made Tracy mad. In corporate America, my pursuits are much the same; to outsmart, outplay, out-hustle, and ultimately knock off the competition with a group of contributors fighting for the same cause. I have to be ready to go the moment I walk off the elevator each day, because if I'm not, I might end up back on the bench.

The point here:

Get pumped-up and psyched for what you are about to do today. If you are not dressed and ready to go, you might be making up some tough ground later in the day, or later in life.

Sustain that feeling throughout the day, even when it comes down to the homestretch - those last five minutes could be the game breaker.

When you have victories along the way, celebrate them with your teammates. (Cristine, watch out! I might even give you a shimmy shake, which is the lacrosse version of a chest bump, when we nail our next benchmark.)

When you've won ten games in a row, don't let up. You still have the rest of your season ahead when some young unassuming team can catch you off guard.

And I'm not thinking about the end of the game right now - I just made it off the bench, earned a starting position, and am taking steps to be a key contributor.


Lo.

Slower is Smarter

This morning I saw a great, and ever so appropriate (at least for this entry) bumper sticker. It said, "Drive Smarter. Drive Slower." For a runner that nearly gets run over every morning, I was very appreciative of this mobile marketing campaign.

Every morning I run the same big square around Naperville rain or shine, deep freeze or sweltering heat, and tempt fate as I come to various intersections. The frustrated commuters have one thing on their mind - get to work and as fast as possible. They pay no attention to the morning light, the soft snow falling, the sweet aroma of bacon from the restaurants downtown serving breakfast, and most of all to the pedestrians. As I dash across intersections a predictable drama unfolds: I take a couple steps, the driver only looking to the left tries to make a right hand turn on red, he or she nearly runs me off the road, and I shake my head at the commuter's grand apology (arms wave, brow raises, face stresses, lips silently mouth "I'm SORRY!")

This is not a scenario unique to the morning in Naperville. All over America, at all hours of the day, we move at a hurried pace from one activity to the next. I wonder if we even enjoy the things we are doing in the moment because we are always worried how and how fast we will get to the next activity.

I read a novel recently which talked a lot about the culture and tempo of Eastern Europe. The author described it as having a much slower pace than America. He said, "Everyone in American is hurrying so they can make money, but when there is no money to be made, we slow down." Is this true? Is this why everyone in America can't slow down - - because there is money out there, dangling from a string, that we will run in circles to capture?

We hypothesize a lot in our culture about winning the lottery. If we win millions and strike it rich, then we can take it easy. At this hypothetical, ultimate and perfect point in our lives, then we can relax and enjoy life. For some, a culmination of the frenzied pace may come in the form of an unprecedented corporate bonus, for others it may come at retirement. However, until you reach your rest cycle, I urge you to find one or two activities in your life, where you strive to take things a little slower. Give attention to and appreciate each beat in your life's rhythm.

Though I don't hold myself as an ideal or a shining example of someone who has overcome the rush, I believe I have made some big strides in the way I approach two aspects of my daily routine. After work, I go from a sprint, to a walking pace - for music lovers, an adagio, and I have witnessed the quality within these parts of my day progress from amateur to more refined.

First, Cooking

I have written about it before, but cooking is one of my passions. It is a hobby that I research, practice, and converse about on a daily basis. In one of my marketing classes last year, we traced the image and branding of the Betty Crocker Cookbook from her roots as a homemaker with a heritage and portfolio of lovingly prepared meals, to a working woman who needed to be equipped with meal solutions which could be prepared quickly and efficiently. Though I celebrate and perhaps embody the working woman who wants to do it all, I also abhor the 30 minute meal.

I cooked from my new Lidia Bastianich cookbook on Saturday evening. I had just watched a show about the local ingredients, flavors and preparation techniques from the Basilicata region of Italy, and decided to try one of Lidia's recipes from that region: A traditional Primi, a baked cherry tomato pasta dish that would go well with my boyfriend's Secondi preferiti, "un Bistecca."

I was dicing garlic, sweet onions, and cherry tomatoes when my boyfriend asked if I wanted to use a food processor. I immediately scoffed at the suggestion. The local women of Italy do not cook with processors. They pit each olive by hand, half each tomato without damaging its sun-kissed skin, and slowly simmer ingredients until each flavor blends together into a mutually beneficial marriage. I love to chop, cook, and savor aromas, because it is the part of my day where I get to slow down. I get to pour a glass of wine and work through each step at my own speed. There is no deadline, except perhaps a stomach growl, but that can easily be mending by said glass of wine and a ripe creamy piece of St. Andre cheese.

If you don't have kids or a husband asking when dinner will be ready, cook slowly. It is an amazing activity, that you should enjoy through and through.

Second, Consuming

When I was in grade school, Thursday nights were rough. After school I went directly to field hockey, basketball or play practice, then to piano, then home to a heaping portion of Linguini with Clam Sauce that I proceeded to inhale, then to a double session of dance class. Though I had become accustomed to scarfing down food for fuel, I used to have to take a break about ten minutes into class some nights, because my babysitter, Debbie's, monstrous portion of pasta, had gotten the better of me.

When younger, there was steep competition between the winner of the who-can-complete-a-meal-faster race. For a good part of my youth, I believe I held the title, but my brother became a master in his high school years, because he knew that the longer he stayed at the table eating, the more questions he would have to field from my mom and dad. While honing my skills of rapid consumption came in handy at various points of my life (Thursdays nights like the ones I described, halftime of lacrosse games when I would scarf down Cheerios to propel my efforts in the second half, and a very un-lady-like Freshman year of college when I was a champion shot gunner) the side effects of indigestion and weight gain were reason enough to change my habits.

Recommendations to take it easy while consuming came a lot in my later years. My parents would say slow down, Katy would say, "Wow, stop drinking so hard," Kristen would look up in amazement as I polished off my salad and she took her first bite. However, I would say I took a major leap in slowing down the pace of consumption this year. The trick for me (and it may not be for everyone, as I am not condoning alcoholism) is to have one glass of wine before dinner and one during dinner. It acts as a catalyst to transition from the frenzy of the workday, into a time set aside for relaxation. It also acts as a prelude and finale to each bite, enhancing each flavor, and it opens taste buds to the complexities and melodies that come from the symphony of flavors.

Though I am still proud of the day I polished off a Tessaro's hamburger in three bites so I could make it to the 7:15 PM show, I am glad to leave scarfing behind.

So ... this evening, as you put another day to rest, think of a way or two that you can slow down your rapid routines. Or at least, if anyone from the city of Naperville is reading, please drive smarter and slower tomorrow morning, and watch out for the friendly runner in the yellow Steelers hat.

Lo

A New Year, A New Me?

It is officially 2010. Although I rang in the New Year with my family in Puerto Rico and toasted the New Year on Sunday night with Peter, bay scallops, and a wonderful bottle of Marchesa Prosecco, it was the return to my routine yesterday that marked the New Year for me.

My team at work engaged in some thorough "twenty-ten planning" over the past couple of months to gear up for the start of the New Year. I felt poised, ready and raring to go on the job front yesterday. With all this work related planning though, I forgot to do any personal 2010 planning. I used my routine run yesterday to brainstorm on how I could put some of the great pieces of advice I received over the past couple of days to use in 2010.

NPR, the visiting priest at St. Peter's and Paul of Naperville, my family and boyfriend, and my friend Meredith each offered some words of wisdom to me over the past 4 days, which will shape how I want to approach this new year. I have provided the long and short versions below, because sometimes my readers just want to get straight to the point ; )

1. As I mentioned before, my family and I were in Puerto Rico during the change from 2009 to 2010. During a great and relaxing week, there were many opportunities for competitive sport. Whether it was on the volleyball court or running trail, during a silly paddle ball game or hearts game, in the pool, kitchen, or at the dining room table. There were many opportunities where one could claim (if one won) that he or she was the champion of the world. I had to tell myself over and over again:

"I don't need to have the most knowledge on a subject"

"It doesn't matter if I lose a card game"

"There are other people that can cook very well in my family"

"It's okay if I didn't complete the longest list of activities for the day."

When I lost, which seemed to happen a lot on this particular vacation, my ego was bruised and I wanted to take it out on my competitor. (I am still working on the whole concept of friendly competition - for me it has always been more like I-hate-you-if-you-beat-me competition.) With nudging and coaching here and there from my boyfriend, my inner competitive demon starting to fade through the week though. Basically, he has taught me that there's no need to be #1 in a family, because ultimately your family doesn't love you for winning, they love you for playing. I believe in 2010, I will make major strides in putting Competo to rest.

Less fierce competition, more friendly play.

2. I talked to my friend Meredith last night who had some great advice. She told me in so many words that I should enjoy every moment and not worry about the next. She said sometimes when you start looking at your peers, you feel the pressure to be like them, have the same things as them, look like them. However, each of us have unique situations and what's right for one person is probably all wrong for the other person. So don't make life a competition - there is no starting point and finish line. You will win regardless if you are happy through each stage. Such great advice.

Life is not a competition.

3. NPR provided my third bit of advice. They showcased a story about a man with a debilitating disease called spinal muscular atrophy yesterday on their morning show. Most with his disease don't live past the age of 4, but he has thrived. He turned 47 this year, has his own family, and is a successful writer in LA who is working on a memoir. He spoke yesterday about how, at the start of this new year, he isn't so much looking ahead, but looking back on 2009 which sincere thankfulness. He said although nothing really exciting happened in 2009, it was a year that was "blessedly drama free," which in his life means a lot. No medical complications, hospital visits, or extremely stressful situations. He ended his remarks by saying sometimes being normal is good enough. I was struck by this comment immediately, and couldn't agree with it more.

Being normal is great.

4. Finally, in mass on Sunday, a visiting priest talked about the celebration of Epiphany in a great way. He spoke about those that wander in the desert, and how they do so at night, because they can navigate better guided by astronomy. The Three Kings were guided by a particularly bright star that led them to the baby Jesus. The priest said that in this day and age, we are called to be lights for others. We are meant to be beacons for people who have lost their way or need some direction. Although, the application from mass is to guide people to the Church, I want to take this into the secular realm as well. I want to very happy and satisfied in 2010 no matter what, because I have been very blessed, and help show others how to be happy as well.

Happiness is the beacon I want to shed.

So in 2010 I am not looking to catapult my personage into the next level of excellence. I am trying to just be happy old me. The me that I know, my family and boyfriend knows, and my lifelong friends know. I have nagging strains that want to be bigger and better than everyone else at everything that I do, but my goal this new year, is to be satisfied with what I have been given, become comfortable and thankful for being normal, and let my satisfaction and smile be a beacon for those that are less happy.

Happy New Year,

Lo

Reaching For The Stars

When marketing a product, company, or in my case a non-profit organization, there comes a time when you might want to leverage the power of a celebrity. Whether its through strategic and prime product placement in a film (such that any viewer will want to run to the nearest store to purchase whatever it was that Robert Pattinson was drinking instead of human blood in the latest Twilight movie); or scouting out that perfect celebrity spokesperson whose appeal spans the general and ethnic consumer markets, who actually loves your brand, and is 100% willing to develop an ad campaign with you without compensation; star power can move the masses.
[Sigh]
If it was only as easy as writing this paragraph. Celebrities are a rare breed and getting them to work and speak well on behalf of your product or company can be a daunting task.

I just spent three days in Los Angeles for work. I was there for an event that involved many moving pieces and targets, but whether it was the preparation before, the managing during, or the celebrating after, each step involved shielding my eyes from the blinding aura of the twinkling stars of Hollywood.

On Thursday night we went to dinner at a steakhouse called The Palm. The pre-event networking dinner involved multiple agencies and some of the Mommy bloggers who would be writing about the Charity the next day. The restaurant was located next door to Laker stadium, which was hosting one of the first games of the season. As I sat there, shifting and balancing conversations between diapers, access to healthcare and Big Macs, I kept sneaking glances of the big screen TV next to me, which pinpointed the bevy of celebrities present at the game. Heather Locklear, Zack Efron, and Jack Nicholson were all in attendance, all right next door. Oh, the potential excitement of actually running into the ranks of the glitteratti.

The next day the excitement increased when I actually came in contact with a set of minor celebrities. The following day, my work event involved three celebrities: Billy Bush, Dayanara Torres, and the one and only Ronald McDonald. Mustering up and managing these three people took several PR agencies, nannies, scripts, and security, all of which ultimately ended in minor chaos. My claim to fame that day, I got to help watch Billy Bush's children.

That night as the sun set over the Hollywood Hills, I woke up from a power nap and attended a "networking meeting" between the people I traveled with and a local event management company at the Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood. I kind of rolled my eyes when I passed through the man with a clipboard, the garage full of the most expensive cars I had ever seen, and the lobby filled with strung out, super skinny, model-type figures. But when we went outside to the courtyard, the atmosphere became more relaxed and normal. That is, until I removed my focus from ordering a glass of wine and consuming it quickly, to looking around. To my right was John Legend and Nicky Hilton, in front of me Amy Pohler, Megan Mullaley, Rashida Jones, and other SNL cast members, catty-corner to them some Gossip Girls, and then to my left (my ultimate celebrity siting), Lindsey Lohan getting cozy next to Jason Segal (big tall comedian from Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Man's Best Friend, and Knocked Up.)

Everyone around me remained pretty cool, casual and focused on their beverages. I, on the other hand, was star STRUCK. I think I actually wiped away a tear when I did a double take of Lindsey Lohan. What the heck?! Why was I so inspired, awe-struck, in-heaven?! This was ridiculous and actually with the exception of John Legend, I really wasn't that big of a fan of these people's work on or off the screen. I also don't think ANY of them would have made stellar celebrity spokespeople, especially for a Charity. However, as Lindsey walked by in her shimmery spandex revealing her stick thin legs, mile high booties, skull cap hiding her stringy blond hair, and leather jacket I suddenly felt like I had to have every piece of the ensemble.

When I got home I couldn't wait to tell my boyfriend about my amazing evening. As I rattled off the names, reliving the sheer bliss of seeing the celebrities at play, I realized that I was going to be greeted with the response, "I have no idea who any of those people are."
Yep.
Fact.
That is the person that I love.
He got a bigger kick out of my tweeny-bopper excitement than out of the celeb sitings. Alas, I had became a name-dropper, hoping to achieve some sort of recognition from being associated with the A-listers.

This sense of celebrity and name dropping can infect the work place just as much as it has my dreams the past couple of nights. Business can largely be a game of who's who and who you know. We also currently place an equal amount of celebrity status on corporate officers as we do on personalities like Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, and Branjenlina. (A for instance: when a certain CEO said "hello ladies" in my general direction during a recent gala, I almost swooned.) In business school, I was literally encouraged to pencil off every Friday as time for building key business relationships.

We live in a culture that will always be fascinated by the rich, famous, talented and troublesome; where success is aligned with celebrity status, and where we are encouraged to network to move into the upper echelons of society. We also praise those who have relationships with a celebrity, an officer, a politician, or an inside informant from the competition, as our unique gateway into an exclusive world. So, how as confident professionals who want to avoid the syrupy suck-up to the stars game, do we make our presence known in business decisions? Do we hope that someone will miraculously take notice of our talent? Probably not, because most likely you'll be waiting forever and be stuck in the rut of B playerdom for the rest of your corporate career.

Not all of us are bound for celebrity status in this world, and that's okay, because the B players are equally important in the fabric of corporate America as the A players. However, for those who have identified a differentiating quality in the way you work or what you produce, I encourage you to self-promote, rather than to rely on the associative properties of the stars. Individuals and products that work their way up without a celebrity spokesperson or corporate escort have a greater chance of making a lasting impact. Celebrities come in and out of favor; We applaud and boo them, dig into their scandalous behavior, and listen attentively only until their messages become irrelevant. When one comes into the limelight, another one's fifteen minutes of fame dwindles. (Trust me, you don't want to be on that ship when it is quietly forced out of the company.) Networking in business should be about education - we should learn from a leader's successes and failures, and take heed when navigating our own career trajectory.

On Friday evening, Jason Segal whispered to Megan Mullaley, "Don't judge me because I'm with Lindsey." (I overheard because they were standing right behind me.) This mistake in Segal's networking, especially when while running in such high-profile circles, could be devastating. And the last thing he or anyone wants is to fall out of favor with the funny people - because there will always be a place within the in-crowd for them. http://www.people.com/people/videos/whatyoumissedovertheweekend/


Lo