To Do: Make and Keep a Doctor's Appointment

I borrowed this from my friend Mia, but I believe it to be absolutely true. She said, "There are some things in life that have forcefields around them - you can't quite get through." 

For me, these forcefields reside around stupid minute tasks like getting an emissions test, checking my mail, opening it for that matter (which might explain why my insurance has been cancelled twice this year), signing up for a 401K, getting a car wash, and going to the doctor. They are all easy as pie, but I'd rather tackle the more time-consuming stuff, than carve out 30 minutes of my time to do something trivial and unpleasant. 

I am very proud to say though, that I successfully crossed that forcefield this week and got one of these mundane "To Dos" done. Item number three from my list, "Make and Keep a Doctor Appointment," is now crossed off - Done and Done!  


What was the inspiring mojo behind my powerful breakthrough? Honestly, not so inspiring or interesting for that matter - just good old fashioned HR harassment. 

In the months of June and July the ever-effective HR department launched a health and wellness campaign where they encouraged all employees to "step up to the plate," "take charge," "knock it in," (or some other sports-related actionable verbage) for your health. Their main call to action was to get a physical. There was no "we're all too fat Biggest Loser challenge," just a hell of a lot of pressure to go see the doctor and make sure vitals are under control.


I was inundated weekly with reminders at work AND at home in the form of notepads, calendars, bumper stickers, buttons, e-blasts and postcards. Besides cluttering my desk and filling my garbage can, these reminders contributed to a growing sense of hypochondria. Around mid-July, when I was still battling whatever plague du jour was going through the office, I received #100 of 100 e-blasts which included a raffle drawing if you made a doctor's appointment. With the added incentive, I decided it was time to make my booking. 


I first did the due diligence of finding a doctor - meaning I asked the boyfriend's sister who she used and then made an appointment. That was the easy part. The hard part is always sticking to it. Generally, I'm very good at thinking up an excuse for why I can't do something.  Especially when that something includes weighing in when I've gained four pounds, and I don't want the dreaded doctor's scale to rub it in my face. (Seriously though, why is it that you do everything else at the doctor's office in the buff, but they make you weigh in with ALL your clothes on!)


On Tuesday at 5:00 PM I tried to think of an excuse as to why I couldn't go. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything better than "The boyfriend hasn't had a home-cooked meal in five days and just can't go out to dinner again." The admins just wouldn't understand, so I resigned myself to honoring the 6:30 PM appointment.


I was the last appointment of the day, so what was normally a germ-infested cacophony, was eerily quiet. Since I was a new patient, I had many sides of paper to fill out. 
Still no adult diseases 
Still not a smoker  
Still listing Dad, the doctor, as my emergency contact, even though his response to my and any other family member's illnesses are "You're fine," or "It's just gas." 
Do you drink alcohol? (hesitation) Yes 
How many times a week?" ... (major hesitation) "eeeeevvvverrrrryday??"

Next was the fully clothed, awful height and weight check, which always brings the ghost of Dr. Levine looking at these figures and saying, "Hmm ... what are you eating? Are you exercising? Maybe you should do something else besides tap dance once a week." This time I passed without judgment though and in my head knocked off a pound or two for the boat shoes I was wearing. 


Then came the vitals. I'm always good at blood pressure and pulse. And then the big costume change. Except, there was no blue robe to be found in this doctor's office. Instead, the nurse pointed to what appeared to be a big napkin and said "this is the front."  


The best part about it was that I noticed a picture of Arnold Palmer right by the doctor's chair as I was changing. Seriously, was this supposed to make me feel more at ease about being draped in a paper towel? As a member of a nudity-free household growing up (the opposite of a naked house), Arnold Palmer definitely didn't provide comfort to my exposed situation. AND there's no way he's making that putt with the distraction of me wrapped in the worst toga ever.  

Unpleasantness ensued, I survived, I seem to be healthy, just need some lab work at a later (unscheduled) date. Good news and a small win for the week. 


So HR, you can add me to your success metrics and take this anecdote as a campaign outtake. As parting advice - Next year you might get more people to "score a goal for their health," if you just give us a couple days off as a reward. 


Lo.