Mother May I

The other night over a very interesting dinner with 3 bloggers and 5 communications professionals, we started talking about regulations within our respective industries. The FTC recently published a new, half thought-through set of regulations for pushing products through social media channels. For instance, if you are tweeting, posting, and writing about a product on your site, you have to disclose whether or not a company compensated you to write about your experience with their good. The bloggers have a direct relationship with these new rules and were explaining the complexities.

I thought to myself while the conversation progressed, here lies yet another addition to the list of rules that we are asked to play by. Everyday the papers are littered with stories about bills, proposals, and requests for more regulation. From the banking system and the private insurance companies, to immigration and education, the FDA, EPA, ABA, PTA, NCAA ... all want tighter rules, heavier sanctions, and more control.

I have always played by the rules and am honestly afraid to go against them. When authority figures tell me to do something, I do it, and for the most part, no questions asked. I grew up in a household (the daughter of a lawyer mind you) where there were codes of conduct and certain sanctions for not abiding by the house rules. There was room for interpretation amongst my siblings and I; and there became various strains of tolerance from the parental unit for deviating from the rules; but on the whole, my siblings and I grew up following by the system. From my perspective here are seven rules that I thought to be unbreakable in the Fischer household:

Rule #1: Everyone pitches in around the house
Rule #2: Everyone is nice to each other
Rule #3: Everyone is clear about where they are going, who they are going with, and when they will return
Rule #4: Everyone goes to church together
Rule #5: Everyone partakes in the family activity and doesn't fuss about it
Rule #6: Whatever the parent says, goes
Rule #7: If mom or dad had a stressful day at work, take heed of bad mood and suck up as much as possible

I held these guidelines as the law and was petrified of repurcussions had I not followed them. I always did whatever chore I needed to do without complaint. I told my parents exactly where I was going and with whom ( I even had a self-imposed curfew so my parents wouldn't be able to find any fault in my weekend activities.) If my parents wanted to attend 8 AM mass on Sunday, I was there by their side. I lauded whatever family outing we chose, jovially sauntering through flower shows, art museums, folk festivals, and grocery stores as my siblings scoffed at my syrupy enthusiasm.

My siblings had a different take on the rules though. My elder sister had her own opinion and wasn't afraid to share it. She took many long bathroom breaks after dinner aleviating her from dish duty. Despite getting in trouble for it, she continued to go on Eat N' Park outings with Midnight Mary Anne in our Transport van. My brother threw out some of these rules in high school when his sense of reasoning developed. He used to tell my parents he would no longer field their intrusive questions, that he was leaving to go out with an undisclosed group of friends, and that he would go to mass later alone. From my perspective such risky behaviors were unthought of. Looking back on it, what possessed me to be so law abiding and for lack of a better word, such a dork?!

I don't know why I am so into following the rules. It wasn't just my parents rules either. I used to become extremely nervous (and actually start crying) as the "We will be closing in 30 ... 10 ... 5 minutes" announcement echoed through the Home Goods section of Kaufmanns while late night shopping with my mother. I was afraid that we would break the rules, get locked in the store, and then my life would be over. Again, looking back on it, how exciting would it have been to get locked in a department store at night?! The ultimate slumber party with my Mom and sister would have unfolded complete with giant beds dressed with perfect bedspreads, new PJs and robes, makeovers, televiewing on giant screens, and eating our way through displays of rich Godiva chocolate.

Today we face debate after debate in our country about stricter rules and heavier sanctions. And though it may be a stretch, I want to compare the different perspectives of rules in the smaller governed body of my family to a larger governed body like America.

Though I have always been creative and have a unique personality, I get anxious when asked to break a rule. I can think outside the box, but I am often afraid to work and play outside the box. My siblings on the other hand were never afraid to test boundaries with authority figures. Their reasoning and confidence led them to believe that, perhaps, at times, the way the authority wants us to do things isn't the best way. Perhaps there is another way, a better way. My parents managed both sides very well - gathering new sets of information from my elder sister who was actually reading books during those "bathroom breaks", getting chores done around the house through me, and getting endless amounts of laughter from my brother whose comedic routines took the place of sweeping the floor.

We live in a country where these two camps (rule abiders and breakers) exist, and I ask you this - - if the rule breakers weren't there, would we have the level of technological, financial, artistic, and athletic successes that we do today? If we impose more regulation, will individuals and groups still push, innovate, and progress? It is the rule breakers that advance the system, but the rule abiders that keep the current system productive and running smoothly. You need both and you need to manage both. However, the more we try to impose strict regulations on the entirety of the population, the less our society will grow. My parents were able to manage both camps. Some companies also manage the rule breakers and abiders very successfully. However, I think the nation's government is getting to the point, that might prove stifling to our collective progress. I ask though, how do you manage effectively on that grand of a scale?

My thoughts are exhausted at this point, but I would appreciate your comments and perspectives. Post away! For now, court adjourned!

Lo

Cooking for One

Today I am in Los Angeles. I am here for work, and will be here for the next couple of days to celebrate McHappy Day with good friends of Ronald McDonald House Charities like Billy Bush, Dayanara Torres, a host of mommy bloggers from Southern California, and representation from McDonald's. Some good posting ideas will definitely emerge.

However, in the mean time I wanted to write about the movie that I saw last night en route to LA. I was planning to curl up in the steerage section of the United plane with my latest volume of Penny Vincenzi's London-based novels. However, I called an audible and put on the germ-infested ear phones to watch the Westbound feature film, Julie and Julia. (Which I had been meaning to watch for awhile.) I had heard good things - that it was adorable, that the viewer would want to go back home and cook up a storm afterward, that Meryl Streep delivered an amazing performance yet again. You can blame it on my fatigue, my irritability due to the elbow bumping neighbor of mine, or the slightly muffled sound, but I found the movie only half good. That is, the half with Julia Childs was great, the half with Julie (I forget her last name), not so much.

The sections of the movie focused on Julia Childs were sweet, melodic and inspirational. (Although that voice became rather annoying.) Julia was a true original. She wanted to enable and equip the servantless housewives of America with excellent French recipes. She wanted to free them of the marshmellow fluff and jello molds, and give them the gift of butter based emulsions, aspics, and canard!! I absolutely appreciate her decades of hard work, perseverence and professionalism. She gave a unique gift and provided profound inspiration to generations of cooks and chefs.

It was the millenial version of her that really botherd me. Women of the 21st century have reverted back to meal solutions. They are too busy to follow the detailed procedures found in Mastering French Cooking and instead want five ingredients or less, 30 minute meals, and semi-homemade. Blah. The character of Julie is supposed to represent the alternative of this modern cook. She seeks out fresh and exotic ingredients, finds comfort in her cookware, and isn't afraid to increase the butter content. She is experiencing life in a different, more innovative way, than her self-absorbed success driven faux friends, and the viewer is asked to hold her up as an ideal. I had a hard time with that request. I saw her as whiny, uncreative and ultimately just as selfish as the friends she hated. Her lack luster quality lies in the fact that it was her husband's idea of writing and cooking, that they were Julia's recipes, not her own, and that she spent a measly year working on this project, whereas Julia spent a lifetime. I would top that all off with her bizaare idolistic relationship with her imaginary version of Julia Childs.

I have written about my love of food and cooking in the past, so this film seemed like a natural fit. Or, the cooking and blogging character of Julie, might at first glance seem to be someone I would admire. However, the purpose behind her pursuits and mine are quite different. To me, cooking is a gift that I want to share with others. Thinking of and preparing a meal is all about who it is for in the end. That is the way Julia Child approached a recipe, and not the way Julie did. At the end Julie is sad because she finds out that Julia Child is on record saying "I hate her." Julia, I don't blame you. As the daughter of a tireless female leader, who could do it all and still make a mean red sauce for her ravenous children at the end of the day, it takes a lot more to impress me as well.

This weekend, I encourage you to try a new recipe, slave away all day in the kitchen, but do it as a gift for your friends and family. It makes the meal that much sweeter!

Lo

Staying Sane

In a post recessionary economy that experts in the industry claim is on the rebound, it is easy to chart when, where and possible point figures at how we went into a slump. Economists can look at graphs and chart when the bubbles burst, the GDP stopped growing, consumer confidence started to shift toward panic, and we all started stressing out about the 2nd great depression and how it was going to affect the lifestyles we have come to know and love.

In one's life, though, it is harder to chart the expansions and recessions. Looking back at my mid 20s (which are just about coming to an end) I think I can pinpoint a secular bear market or what I more fondly like to call my quarter-life crisis. It was definitely a point of contraction in my growth cycle - - a point where I reassessed priorities and mind set and when my capital to asset ratio shifted drastically toward the latter (which today would shut down any bank.) It was above all a time when stress reigned supreme in my life as I debated what non-risky investment I should make next. Looking back, I can definitely say that I had entered a slump, which included me, a couch, re-runs of Sex and the City, and way too many bowls of cereal. I remember talks with my mother who always had suggestions on how to cope and how to get get back into the market. She named such solutions as always finding something to look forward to, like vacations (this had always worked for such influential figures as Aunt Dee Dee), reading a lot, making a list of goals, becoming the independent entrepreneur of the week (foraying into the lucrative markets of greeting card illustrator and creative caterer), and of course saying some prayers.

In the Wall Street Journal alone today, there were 4 articles focused on solutions to stress and insanity given the recessionary aftermath. The articles depicted our nation as one composed of a bunch of mental cases on the verge of break down, self destruction and panic. Mentions of remedies such as reading, prayer, and regular exercise would have made my mother proud. However, the general consensus is that these methods aren't working, people either don't have time, don't want to give an alternate lifestyle a try, or they just want the magic cure-all like the one found for pets in the form of pheromone therapy. The nation marches on in the elaborate search for (and composes many opinion pieces on) a solution for a return to normalcy.

My favorite article this morning was one about a woman who was laid off about 6 months ago and was quickly burning through her severance and savings to maintain a lifestyle that she felt kept her sane. She stated that if she didn't go to Starbucks everyday, have expensive networking luncheons, and drink flirty cocktails in the evening with girlfriends, she would go crazy. I mean really?! The amazing thing is though, during my crisis years, I used to do the same sort of thing while working the night shift in the restaurant. I used to wake up at 6:30 AM (after closing the restaurant at 3:00 AM) and rush to the coffee shop so I could be part of the morning ritual like all the normal people. Even though I wasn't burning through cash in the process, my goal was to be part of the system again, part of the regularity.

I ask myself this though, why? Why do I, why do most of us just want to fit in and have a comforting sense of routine. As part of the get up and go machine of corporate America, I should be looking back on those moments of irregularity in my life with fondness, but I'm not. I wonder though if these moments, when we cease to grow the way we always have, walk the same straight line, have the same sense of confidence, are really moments of opportunity. I raised my hand proudly in my innovation class last year and made the suggestion that perhaps the great recession was actually a good thing - - that there could be some tremendous societal, economic, or technological innovation that derived from it. My comment was scoffed at by the conservative set, but my ever encouraging professor said that perhaps I was dead on.

Instead of seeking out ways to stay sane, stay normal, stay afloat ... leverage that bit of craziness and confusion to catapult your career, your attitude, your personage to a new height. Maybe in order to expand sometimes, we have to take a step back. Maybe there is a need to experience crisis in order to prune ourselves and reassess our strategy for the next growth phase. Let's make my professor proud, and innovate in our time of crisis, even if that innovation is the cure-all for our overwhelming stress levels.

Lo

A Fresh Start!

The latest addition to my job description is blogger outreach. I am working alongside the PR and Marketing manager to research and engage mommy bloggers with the goal of enlisting them as Ronald McDonald House Charities ambassadors. Combined with my regular allotment of time for social networking in the form of tweeting, facebooking, and flickring, I have spent the majority of my work days over the past week becoming more familiar with the tone of our target market online. (Social media is a fascinating landscape, and in my opinion, one that every company needs to play in strategically.)

With this inundation of social media came a new appreciation for the blog that I created last March, and a renewed dedication to contributing on this site. So herein lies my commitment (by the way, I used to do this through high school when I ceased writing in my pen and paper journal that resided in my nightstand) to post on this site regularly. In my relatively new position in corporate America, now part of the System!, I have garnered a fresh perspective of being a young professional and I need a place to form and filter thoughts, and hopefully gain some feedback from readers.

Stay tuned - I'm planning to write again this evening. In the meantime, and throughout the day, feel free to follow me, as the "voice" of RMHC online on Twitter (@RMHC) and Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/rmhcglobal)

Happy Tuesday!

Lo

A Good Product

It seems that throughout the books I have read, films that I have seen, and business news that I have been confronted with recently, there are a great many characters struggling with their identity. Their confusion about who they are and who they want to be becomes the crux of the plot. Indecision when it comes to self-definition, leads a character to peril. It is only when the character clearly defines who he or she is, that they can make the most of their existence, and create the most beneficial relationship with the stakeholders involved.

In the newest remake of Star Trek, a young Spock struggles to define his character. He is told, “You will always be a child of two worlds.” He is half human and half Vulcan, which in layman terms means he has an emotional human heart and a mechanic Vulcan mind that can make decisions based entirely on reason. In Terminator Salvation, the character Marcus Wright is half human and half machine. He finds out about his mechanic and indestructible interior toward the middle of the film, and when directed to return to Skynet Headquarters is forced to make a decision about his character. In the novel, Middlesex, Calliope/Cal struggles to identify with a particular gender. Calliope was raised as a female, but after puberty took on the appearance of a man. There is a constant tension between the two sides that tears at Calliope’s character, and she won’t be happy until she reaches a committed decision. In Corporate America there are a great number of large and small companies seeking to redefine their character. They have been something too big, too narrow-minded, or too irrelevant for too long, and given financial dire straits, they are forced to see where their core competencies lie. This reshaping of their identity is the crux of their corporate timeline. Without a sound, qualified decision, the said company faces greater stock price plummets, shareholder angst, employee lay-offs, and eventual bankruptcy.

In all of these examples it becomes necessary for the individual involved to make a strong commitment toward one side of their character. Spock sees the value of being emotionally comprised, and gives into his human heart. Marcus Wright also cannot overcome his human heart to perform as a machine, and becomes a warrior for humanity. Calliope sides with her male persona, and becomes a more sensitive, better-dressed, and more confident person because of it. Big companies have chosen a leaner version of themselves in order to get back to what they do best and survive economic hard times. Because of these tensions, struggles, and hard decisions, the characters mentioned above become richer, more successful, and more interesting than the more two dimensional characters who support them. 

In the same vain, a product must have a clear understanding of its identity before it goes to market. It must have a well-defined and communicated value-add, so that the consumer knows exactly how this thing will benefit his or her life. A good product is reliable and long lasting. It is not something that you have to replace on a regular basis. Certain companies produce products that go through various life cycles. These products get upgrades and makeovers and usually leave the consumer wanting the original. (Microsoft Office is one such product that is continually upgraded, but seems to get worse and more confusing each time.) Consistency, reliability, value, hard work, physical attractiveness, and emotional appeal all work toward making a successful and lasting marriage between consumer and product. 

I don’t want to sound harsh or over-simplistic. However, I believe there is a strong similarity between the goods market and the dating market. A solid product goes to market after a careful examination of what the said product wants to be and how it can make a consumer’s life better. When you enter the dating market, my recommendation is to have a clear understanding of what you can promise to deliver. Girls, in particular, in today’s society are struggling in identity formation in much the same way as the aforementioned characters. They are torn between who their parents and friends want them to be, and what they believe the media and a prototypical male want them to be. There is a constant battle in their mind from hobbies, nutrition, sense of humor, and education, to wardrobe, hair and make-up, and social circle. In many scenarios, girls are taking the easy road by turning into clones or knock-offs of an original. They find one girl, whether she is in their school, in film or television, or an older role model, and shape their personalities off of the success of that individual. They thus become the Wal-Mart version of the original.  

As you enter the dating market, whether you are 16 or 35, the male counterpart that you are in search of, isn’t looking for a knock-off. Or, if he is, it is probably to fill a temporary void, until he can afford something better or more lasting. We all possess unique experiences and qualities that contribute to our character’s exclusive nature. There are certain things that we might have in common with one another, but when shopping around, men are looking for a distinctive personality, that will complement their nature.

So when you are gearing up for a weekend in search of that certain someone, think about who you are first. Think about those characteristics that make you special, different, and interesting, then play them up. In terms of physical appearance, accentuate what you like best about yourself. For example, if it’s your waist, make sure you are not wearing one of the ever-popular beer belly covering tops that girls seem to flock to recently. (NOTE: If you are proud of your entire body, please do not accentuate your entire body. You will end up looking like an easy, but unsustainable purchase.) In terms of your personality, funnel a conversation around a distinguishing part of yourself. Your job or your pet should not be the sole definition of who you are. What you do from 9 to 5 and who you talk to from 5 till bed, might not be the best place to start a dialogue. Think of a hobby you have, an experience you had, a great story, that makes you, you. Something that I always talked about was my participation on the Varsity Lacrosse Team at Notre Dame. I even remember showing a guy how I would play defense on him in the middle of a bar. This differentiating statistic, led to richer conversations about sport in general, which tends to be an immediate bonding point between male and female.

Like Spock, we are all children of a complex world, but it is our responsibility to define which aspects of our culture we want to embed within our character. Your identity in the dating market should be distinctive. Figure out your value-add, then walk into that venue confident, self-assured, and ready to sell yourself! 

Lo. 

Moving On

I am a native of the very proud city of Pittsburgh, which I like to consider a hidden gem. It is not quite the Midwest or East Coast, and has a personality, dialect, and culture of its own. It is a unique and underexposed city. Only a true native can appreciate the quirky character of the city that becomes embedded in a Pittsburgher’s identity. Even though I have lived away from Pittsburgh for two years now, and will be migrating to Chicago next week, Pittsburghese twang still slips from my mouth at moments, I still read the Pittsburgh Post Gazette on-line, my Pittsburgh pride swells throughout the Stanley Cup and NFL playoffs, I believe the Richardsonian Romanesque houses in Pittsburgh are the most regal, historic and undervalued mansions in the country, I miss walking into everyone that I know just as soon as I walk out the front door, and I crave Pittsburgh summers complete with the Pittsburgh Golf Club pool, tennis courts, and poolside dining, potato patch fries from Kennywood, Buccos games, and getting lunch on Walnut Street. I love the city of Pittsburgh and it will always have a special place in my heart.

In a week I will make a more or less permanent move away from my hometown to the burgeoning metropolis of Naperville, IL which lies about 25 miles from the Windy City. It is a slice of apple pie Americana complete with a Disney-esque River Walk, a mayor named Officer Friendly, framed mansions with pristine lawns, and the most amazing public pool I have ever seen, called Millennial Beach (sorry Dormont.) This pool is built from an old quarry and is absolutely enormous. It still has 2 high dives and 2 low boards despite our overly litigious culture, a floating dock in the middle, a water slide, lap lanes, and a bevy of good looking life guards who ride in kayaks around the pool to make sure no one drowns. I would even say it rivals my Grandparents’ country club, Spring Lake, in Quincy Illinois.

Naperville has a lot to offer and I am excited to move to my one bedroom loft apartment in a building that used to be a furniture factory. I am excited to be living near a Red Mango, a beautiful old church with lots of mass times, the train line to Chicago, and of course my boyfriend. Since my job does not start until June 15^th, I have spent the past couple days hanging out in and around the downtown area, taking advantage of observation time focused on the native Napervillians in their habitat, trying to elicit what makes Naperville special. 

One of the first observations that makes Naperville unique is the abundance of children. In particular the town is rampant with teenagers. They roam the streets like they own them, like they aren’t awkward and annoying. They have full child designated areas in Naperville like the skateboard park. Yesterday was "graduation day," which meant that the child-to-adult ratio was particularly out of order. They ran up and down Jefferson Street, in and out of retail venues, waving to friends, yelling, laughing, rejoicing that summer had come. These teenagers are part of the Millennial Generation that I studied in marketing. I always discounted the self-assurance factor among this generation. However, here, given the number and groupings of teens, I have seen the theory of teenage confidence in action. I feel self-conscious as a fashionably dressed, coifed, made-up adult, in the presence of hoards of confident teens. 

A great example of this confident and oblivious teenage nature happened yesterday as I witnessed a boyfriend-girlfriend pair at Barnes and Noble making out among the cookbook section. They had no qualms, they were laughing loudly, and they wanted everyone to focus on them. While sitting at the café a short distance away, I grew frustrated by the scene especially since they were deflowering the bookstore in front of Tyler Florence, Jacques Pepin, Mario Batalli, and Daniel Boulud. When I was in middle school and high school I always felt self-conscious and I was always chaperoned. These teens are empowered, comfortable in their skin, and prematurely mature. In Naperville, even when it's not graduation day, I believe kids rule. 

In Naperville there are also a lot of people doing just what I am doing now, hanging out. My scientific boyfriend and brother-in-law would argue that this activity can we witnessed in every city. However, over the past week, around 10:00 AM till noon at Starbucks, I have never seen a coffee shop so consistently crowded. It is bustling with teens (especially today), business men in meetings, students studying, mothers chatting about their problem children or marriage, old people reading or just staring into space, solo business men shouting through their blue tooth technology so the world can hear that they aren’t as delinquent as local gossip has it, more teens, single men oglers who watch the women walk by the front window, and mothers pushing strollers in and out of the door with a great struggle. Howard Schultz' idea of the third place continues to be well played out at Naperville's downtown Starbucks. 

It is not one particular demographic or even place within Naperville that defines this hanging out. There are people of all ages hanging out all over Naperville. On the river walk, at the frozen yogurt place (Red Mango!) I go to for lunch, at the coffee shops, at Barnes and Noble, up and down the streets of the downtown section of Naperville, ANYWHERE there is a place to sit is soon enough filled with people that want to take a break to hang out. This defines what I consider a more relaxed pace to Naperville - a more sociable, friendly Midwestern feel that is welcoming and warm. 

Just as I am proud of Pittsburgh, the civilians of Naperville are staunchly proud of their city. The term “Naper” describes schools, libraries, roads, stores, restaurants, time of year (Naper Days) etc. There are more bronze statues of Naperville V.I.P.s than one can imagine. I don’t think the Art Institute owns that many bronzes. Everywhere you walk or drive around Naperville you run into one. They have a pristine park district with a team of employees who make sure the lawns are manicured, the playground equipment is safe, and the signs are shiny and clean. They have the best school system in the country and every proud parent has the NNHS (Naperville North High School) or NCHS (Naperville Central High School) plaque with their child’s graduating class date displayed on their front lawn, on the back of their cars, and on their boast paraphernalia. They also have the best and most frequently used public library in the country, the best bank, and the best prairie running trails. 

No matter where you are from there are certain aspects of your community or city that make you proud. I will soon be among the Naperville young professionals, and I will soon delve into community and parish involvement to establish pride in the city. It is a friendly, clean, safe, and beautiful town, and I am ready to proudly call it home. Pittsburgh will always be my hometown, but this chapter of my life begs for something different than the Steel City. I am ready to move on.    

Lo

Once Upon a Time ...

I just read Louise Rafkin’s article on “modern love” from the New York Times published May 29^th. Her task as a journalist for the San Francisco Chronicle is to research and write about passionate and unique love stories. From her perspective her quest is an anthropological investigation because she claims to have never experienced the level of intimacy that her informants describe. She is ever the skeptic. She hears story after story where love is a pre-destined affair, a cataclysmic event, and an Earth shattering experience. The couples she interviews document their fated meeting, romantic courtship, and inevitable fairytale marriage, while she tries to brush aside the failures and shortcomings of her amorous relationships. 

I am not a skeptic and I believe in the powerful force of love, but I would place myself in the league of Rafkin’s shrink who advocates “love” as a verb or an act, rather than “love” as a noun, which magically descends on couples. I am an advocate for the practical, reasonable understanding of love that can be achieved by anyone if they set their mind to it. Love the verb is a selfless act that anyone can do. It is something that starts small and grows with time and commitment. I believe the derailing descent of love the noun is unsustainable and perhaps even a self-serving affair.

A repertoire of stories from my girlfriends and how they met their significant others came to mind while reading this article. Of perhaps 15 tales of first encounters and dates, there is one that fits the bill for Louise Rafkin’s uniquely romantic research. That is the ironic story of a friend who met her husband of Mexican heritage while eating Taco Bell at the Vegas airport, hung-over, weary eyed, and make-up free. He pursued her immediately and ended up switching seats on the plane to be next to her, to continue the conversation they started while waiting at the gate, get her number and ask her on a date when they were back in the great state of Ohio. I went to their wedding in October and they are very happily married.

The rest of the anecdotes are a little less interesting, less love at first sight. A couple of my friends met their significant other while drunk at a bar; a couple others were introduced by a mutual friend; some rekindled a friendship from high school or college; and some tried out the next man that complemented them after getting over a bad break up. To enhance their narratives of love found, they might turn to an experience that happened later in the courtship to unravel the romance of the relationship. Most don’t want to tell a dull story, so they start to create fables about first glances, happenstance encounters, and soft kisses. A lot of people want to create a fairy tale out of the relationship even if it does not exist.

Girls grow up learning about Cinderella, her Fairy God Mother, Prince Charming and his noble steed. The female maturity cycle is riddled with passionate, romantic, sweep-you-off-your feet love stories that shape our understanding of what love is supposed to be. From our youth when we learn about princesses who need to be rescued by a very handsome and rich prince; through our adolescent years when we learn the language of teen romantic comedies where the ordinary, unpopular girl gets wooed by the prom king; till we reach adulthood when the romantic dramas tell us that despite our reason and our existing sound marital relationship, there is still that fated someone out there that will offer us the burning love a la The Notebook that will re-instill vigor into our routine lives.

As an imaginative child who perhaps spent a little too much time on the interior of my mind, consumed by my own thoughts, fantasies and role playing, I used to imagine that during the couple weeks at the beach each year I had a summer boyfriend. I used to walk alone on the beach pretending to be talking to this imaginary boy. It was a relationship based on a combination of Grease and the episodes of Saved by the Bell with Stacey Kerosi.  I spent hours willing this fantasy to happen in real time and grew frustrated when year after year it never happened. I never had my summer fling song to sing when I came back to school in the fall. I wondered if it was me at the time, but looking back on it, how on Earth did I think I was going to partake in the real world, when I was walking up and down the beach alone talking to myself?

We are set up for disappointment, because the love we are trying to attain - - the love that is dramatic, mind-blowing, and all-consuming - - most likely will not hit us. This is not a woman’s fault. Rather, it is more that the straight man has no idea what women are spending their gossip sessions dreaming about. Instead of dwelling on the prince that will never come to wake you up from years of slumber, open your eyes to the possibility that love can grow between any two individuals with an initial chemistry.

In the novel, Middlesex, one of the most beautifully and poetically composed stories that I have ever read, the narrator, Calliope or Cal, states, “our lives are always more beautiful in writing.” We want to create something poetic, mythical, and impossibly unique about our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. We weave narratives together that give our love lives more meaning, more drama, because we think that is what the world wants to hear.  When my friends call me up and ask, “so, tell me about the boyfriend …” I say something like, “I don’t know … I am very happy … we have a lot of fun together … and I have nothing to complain about.” Very unromantic, very non-descript. However, I believe the richer parts of our relationships are meant to be private. The special moments that exist between two people with unique personalities can only be fully understood by those people. The excitement I get from my relationship can not be translated in its entirety to my girl friend on the other end of the line, because what makes me happy is not necessarily her dream scenario.

So instead of dreaming, planning your fairy tale life, and trying to make your relationship into something that it will never be, wake-up to the possibility that the life you are living and sharing with another person has yet to fully unravel and your continued contribution will make it even more fantastic. I promise that if you commit to practicing the act of selfless love you will live happily ever after.

Lo 

A Dating Game?

When I was chronically single, which I like to argue was self-imposed, but looking back on it might have been due to shortcomings in dating knowhow, I couldn't find a boyfriend for the life of me. Singledom inhabited 25 years of my life, and though I enjoyed it, I also craved the love and companionship of a significant other. I had resigned finding a match to the realm of impossible during my sister's wedding in 2007, but as I entered the right place at the right time (otherwise known as business school with a girl to guy ratio of 1 to 5) I miraculously found Mr. Right knocking on my door. 

I recently went through another dry-spell of sorts. This one was in the job market. Currently, about 40% or more of my graduating MBA classmates are in the same dry-spell. They can't get a date or engage in a more serious relationship with a company for the life of them. Finding a job in today's economy is much like the dating market. There are broad array of methods to go about a company courtship in hopes of finding that illusive job. 

First, there are awkward periods of forced networking, which mimic the activities and conversations of speed dating; Glib, processed, and rehearsed dialogue, which might just land you with a phone number or email address. There are on-line profiles, applications, and screening to get your name out there in hopes that some company fishing to fill a role might choose your name out of the millions of other perspectives. Similar to Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony, and so on, usually you get a solicitation from an interested party who you have no interest in. If you are more desperate than most you hire a pimp or a head-hunter, much like the career development office. They make all these significant and wonderful promises, and when they can't deliver, you feel violated and in a vicious cycle of obligation to them.  

There is also the progressive hierarchy of dates with a company in order to establish a chance at a full-time commitment, which mimics the dating game quite well. First, there is the initial screening, which can be viewed as that first meeting at a bar, where you might reveal your go-to story, personality trait, or exciting experience set. Second, there is the scheduled first round interview where you get a full hour or two to reveal a more representational side of yourself, without giving away too much that is personal, embarrassing, or risky. Then you get the call back interview, the second rounder where your future co-workers dig in deeper to reveal a more robust character profile. This is kind of like your second date experience when you forget to demurely laugh, but let out a guffah and a hearty-har-har and your first eccentricity is exposed. Then there's the reference check when the company gets to ask questions and gain insight from your previous employers about your relationship, just as the potential boyfriend will ask every guy he knows what they know about you. Finally, if you got the call back, got through the first and second interview, if your record is clean, and if everyone that knows you says good things, you have a good chance of establishing a commitment from the company. 

I recently received such a commitment call. On Wednesday around 9 AM central time, I got confirmation that my future employer wanted to establish a committed and long-term relationship with me. I was thrilled. I had been waiting with my hand on the phone for weeks, just I would have had I been waiting for the boy that I liked to call me. I willed the phone to ring day after day, and when it finally did, my heart skipped a beat. I got butterflies in my stomach, and when the words, "we would like to go ahead and extend you an offer" came out of the HR representative's mouth, I had to hold back tears, which I later let out on the phone with my boyfriend. 

My job search process progressed in the fashion of serial dating, much like I described above. I awkwardly networked, fearlessly accumulated cards and contact information, had informal coffee dates to informational interview, made on-line profiles, and solicited myself through career development. However, the odd thing is that this particular role that I will be performing come June 15th, kind of just fell in my lap. I applied to and talked with representatives from every other job function within the corporation I set my career focus on. However, this role sought me. It kept calling back, until I ultimately fell in love with the idea of my contribution to the company through this position. 

It's just the way things seem to happen for me - - they seem to fall into place, always after my faith in myself has been questioned, and a little later than most people, in the right way. My relationship was similar to this job search. I had made my availability known, I had edited my profile over and over again, I had narrowed down an eligible dating bracket, and pondered over the possibility of this one and that one, however, when I least expected it, the right one found me, and kept calling me back. 

To all those job seekers, be true to who you are, figure out what you want out of a job, don't force something that isn't right, and keeping having faith and patience in yourself. You will find the right match. 

Happy hunting! 

Lo 

The Great Escape

Escapism can be defined as an escape or diversion from everyday reality. In a recessionary period, the number of avenues to achieve escapism does not surprise me. People are looking to ease their anxieties, sleepness nights, fear, and tension in as many ways as possible. As a recent MBA graduate waiting to hear if I will be gainfully employed sooner rather than later, I have engaged in a fair amount of escapist techniques to ease my weary mind over the past 2 weeks or so.

I have read, gone to the movies, watched television, enjoyed a day at the spa, shopped, consumed many glasses of wine, changed living environments, cooked and cleaned, and slept. [Last night I enjoyed one of the first 10 hour slumbers I have experienced in over a year. For the past couple of months I have been going on 5 or 6 hours a night, driven by all that I wanted to accomplish the next day!]

This topic of escapism, which has become a guiding factor in recent media, is not a novel concept. In my undergraduate days I studied the artist Gaughin whose entire post-impressionist movement could be labeled as Escapism. He fled the art scene of Paris, financially destitute and unrecognized, and took refuge in Tahiti and a bevy of other tropical locales. While there he became engrossed in the primitive cultures and painted the native landscapes, culture, inhabitants, and wildlife in an ethereal light. Each of his paintings from this era represented exoticism and eroticism; a removal from conventional techniques and his departure from European colonialism. There are many other artists and engineers, architects and scientists who have discovered something great and exciting by departing from convention and escaping into an alternate reality. 

Today, as I read the New York Times at a very crowded Starbucks, I read about various methods of more mindless escapism. Such non-productive diversion is a bit scary because it begs you to remove yourself, to enter a mindless state of distraction, and to cease productivity and participation. Film and television are key producers of this form of escapism. The box office, mainly churning out thoughtless blockbusters, is up 14.5% in comparison to last year. This Memorial Day weekend was no exception with $223 Million spent on ticket sales to such shows as Night at the Museum, Terminator, and Star Trek. Television studios are also gearing up for a fall line-up of shows that are meant to let the “recession-weary viewers laugh and feel better.” Consumers are looking for ways to check-out and the media is feeding them a worry-free product.

Looking back on the past two weeks pre- and post- graduation, I noticed my engagement in both forms of escapism. I removed myself from worry and entered a more or less mindless state made possible by rich Cabernets and citrusy Sauvignon Blancs. Around 10:00 PM each night I was in a carefree, social, giggly state of affairs that could not be tainted by any anxiety. However, I also participated in escapist techniques more in the style of Gaughin and his creative counterparts. I made an effort to change scenery to foster a sense of newness and mental awakening. I have slept in 4 different beds over 7 days: In South Bend, Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Naperville. Each place representing a way of life that is a little different than the next. Ever the observer and analyzer, I believe that changing scenery and experiences keeps your mind inquisitive and thoughtful. I also continued to read newsprint media and books in an analytical mind frame, to question, probe, and continue my education. 

Escapism works, and works well. However it only functions if it is used as a means to reorient your thoughts. Escapism works if the end product is increased creativity and effectiveness. One of my former bosses told me once that all I had to do was continue to work hard at whatever I was doing, and that eventually things would fall into place or unfold the way they were supposed to. I believe this to be true. In my state of productive escapism, which is how I define this phase of life, my day continues to start pre-sunrise and end in fatigue from doing all that I could that day. I believe that I will emerge with a greater sense of knowing, being, and achieving than before. I will be ready to take on the next challenge whether I get the job that I want, have to look for a different job, start writing the book that I always wanted to write, or have the guts to pursue the little comfort catering company that I printed cards for. My great escape over the past 2 weeks has produced many thoughts, confusions, and queries, and I believe in the next couple days will produce some solid answers. 

To all escape artists out there, make your escape fruitful!

Lo 

Sustainability

I graduated from business school on Sunday. I am officially a jargon-ridden MBA ready to participate in discussions about best practices, robust measures, key stakeholders, and sustainability! Before entering business school the language of bankers, branders and consultants was Greek to me. I remember sitting by the pool a couple weeks before I embarked on my MBA education and talking with a Hedge Fund manager. He tried to explain what he did for a living and I nodded with an expression that could be characterized as "I have no idea what you are saying: I don't really know what a bond is, I don't really know what a stock is, and I have no idea what collateral, arbitrage, leverage or derivatives are." I am happy to say as a newly minted MBA I now know what a Hedge Fund manager does and I know the meanings of all those terms! 

Non-MBAs may accuse the business community of speaking in language that is unapproachable. However, I realized that some of the learned terms acquired throughout my education are transferable to my personal life as well. There are some important concepts in business not only applicable to American Industry, but also to the way we conduct our lives. One of these such concepts is sustainability. I learned about sustainable business models, sustainable best practices, a sustainable competitive advantage, and corporate sustainability. 

There are a lot of definitions for sustainability, but the one I like best was one that I learned in my UN Global Compact course: Sustainable development is development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs. Though a company may emphasize a particular financial, social or environmental goal to define their sense of sustainability, while another company focuses on a different goal, the key and connective understanding is to take steps to conduct business in a more responsible and lasting way. 

As an individual who has gone through many phases of life, I can see the importance of sustainability on a personal level. I have noted the need for sustainable best practices in my diet and exercise, relationships, and work ethic. Business leaders preach about finding a balance in all that you do. I think this perfect balance between life and work is unattainable, and I think a greater focus should be placed on living your life in a way that meets your needs today and positions you well for the future. 

Let me use the example of my experiences with diet and exercise. We live in a culture that preaches the benefits of extremes and crash diets. The media consistently tells us to eliminate whole groups of food and focus on a couple staples to encourage your body to drop weight quickly. We are told that pills can help our weight loss cause, or if you spend hours everyday at the gym, bouncing from one machine or exercise to the next, you will finally attain that ideal physique. If you are an extreme dieter, pill popper or exercise fanatic, your time frame for participating in these lifestyles is short.  Your body physically can't sustain the pressure and rigor from your workouts or substance abuse, and mentally your cravings stemming from depravation will kick in and lead to massive binges. I have been on all sides of this equation. I have exercised to exhaustion and I have not exercised at all; I have starved myself and I have binged; and I have been everywhere in between. From 2004 - 2007 my weight went up and down, up and down, and my mental and physical states yo-yo-ed with it. In business school, I successfully adjusted to a more or less sustainable pattern of diet and exercise. I run 6 days a week, and average 4.5 miles a day. I eat three or four small meals a day and tend not to drink alcohol (although, this week I have clearly indulged on that front.) I have maintained the same weight for 2 years now, am happy with it, and I feel great most every day. This is my sense of personal sustainability in diet and exercise. 

I believe you can also apply this to the world of dating, and I would like to explore this concept a little further in the future. I am blessed to be in a mutually beneficial, sustainable relationship. However, I know there are a lot of single women out there who can't find this kind of lasting relationship. Some of the key issues through my relationship development were finding someone who shared similar values, who could keep me grounded and in check (as I have a tendency to get a little flighty), who could make me laugh and always raise my spirits, who challenged me and encouraged me, and who loved me the same way I loved him. Relationships that don't last or are detrimental tend to fail due to inequalities in these arenas. Relationships are largely about a shared experience. The self is always present, but as you get deeper into a relationship, the understanding of a union must be there as well. I have witnessed friends in relationships where one member of the relationship was WAY more into the other person; where the lust and seduction of the relationship trumped all communication; when the relationship was all about 2 selves; or when the relationship was too heavily weighted on the union and dissolved the members' individuality. None of these scenarios ended up working and led to heartache. 

Like the term sustainability in business, it is hard to define what is and is not sustainable in our personal lives. There is a fine line at times concerning best practices, and what works for some, may not work for others. My goal as an ethnographer over the next year will be to decipher how some of these business terms can function in our personal lives and in particular the practices of women looking for their future mate. I think there are lessons to be learned here, especially given a population of single women who base their decision making and dreams on film, television, magazines, and urban myths. My theory is that practicality, efficiency, effectiveness, business savvy, and marketing mindfulness can lead any women who is single into a lasting, sustainable relationship. 

For now, I am signing off, but in the meantime, if you have any feedback or a story to share regarding dating or single-hood please post it! 

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! 

Lo