A Dating Game?

When I was chronically single, which I like to argue was self-imposed, but looking back on it might have been due to shortcomings in dating knowhow, I couldn't find a boyfriend for the life of me. Singledom inhabited 25 years of my life, and though I enjoyed it, I also craved the love and companionship of a significant other. I had resigned finding a match to the realm of impossible during my sister's wedding in 2007, but as I entered the right place at the right time (otherwise known as business school with a girl to guy ratio of 1 to 5) I miraculously found Mr. Right knocking on my door. 

I recently went through another dry-spell of sorts. This one was in the job market. Currently, about 40% or more of my graduating MBA classmates are in the same dry-spell. They can't get a date or engage in a more serious relationship with a company for the life of them. Finding a job in today's economy is much like the dating market. There are broad array of methods to go about a company courtship in hopes of finding that illusive job. 

First, there are awkward periods of forced networking, which mimic the activities and conversations of speed dating; Glib, processed, and rehearsed dialogue, which might just land you with a phone number or email address. There are on-line profiles, applications, and screening to get your name out there in hopes that some company fishing to fill a role might choose your name out of the millions of other perspectives. Similar to Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony, and so on, usually you get a solicitation from an interested party who you have no interest in. If you are more desperate than most you hire a pimp or a head-hunter, much like the career development office. They make all these significant and wonderful promises, and when they can't deliver, you feel violated and in a vicious cycle of obligation to them.  

There is also the progressive hierarchy of dates with a company in order to establish a chance at a full-time commitment, which mimics the dating game quite well. First, there is the initial screening, which can be viewed as that first meeting at a bar, where you might reveal your go-to story, personality trait, or exciting experience set. Second, there is the scheduled first round interview where you get a full hour or two to reveal a more representational side of yourself, without giving away too much that is personal, embarrassing, or risky. Then you get the call back interview, the second rounder where your future co-workers dig in deeper to reveal a more robust character profile. This is kind of like your second date experience when you forget to demurely laugh, but let out a guffah and a hearty-har-har and your first eccentricity is exposed. Then there's the reference check when the company gets to ask questions and gain insight from your previous employers about your relationship, just as the potential boyfriend will ask every guy he knows what they know about you. Finally, if you got the call back, got through the first and second interview, if your record is clean, and if everyone that knows you says good things, you have a good chance of establishing a commitment from the company. 

I recently received such a commitment call. On Wednesday around 9 AM central time, I got confirmation that my future employer wanted to establish a committed and long-term relationship with me. I was thrilled. I had been waiting with my hand on the phone for weeks, just I would have had I been waiting for the boy that I liked to call me. I willed the phone to ring day after day, and when it finally did, my heart skipped a beat. I got butterflies in my stomach, and when the words, "we would like to go ahead and extend you an offer" came out of the HR representative's mouth, I had to hold back tears, which I later let out on the phone with my boyfriend. 

My job search process progressed in the fashion of serial dating, much like I described above. I awkwardly networked, fearlessly accumulated cards and contact information, had informal coffee dates to informational interview, made on-line profiles, and solicited myself through career development. However, the odd thing is that this particular role that I will be performing come June 15th, kind of just fell in my lap. I applied to and talked with representatives from every other job function within the corporation I set my career focus on. However, this role sought me. It kept calling back, until I ultimately fell in love with the idea of my contribution to the company through this position. 

It's just the way things seem to happen for me - - they seem to fall into place, always after my faith in myself has been questioned, and a little later than most people, in the right way. My relationship was similar to this job search. I had made my availability known, I had edited my profile over and over again, I had narrowed down an eligible dating bracket, and pondered over the possibility of this one and that one, however, when I least expected it, the right one found me, and kept calling me back. 

To all those job seekers, be true to who you are, figure out what you want out of a job, don't force something that isn't right, and keeping having faith and patience in yourself. You will find the right match. 

Happy hunting! 

Lo 

The Great Escape

Escapism can be defined as an escape or diversion from everyday reality. In a recessionary period, the number of avenues to achieve escapism does not surprise me. People are looking to ease their anxieties, sleepness nights, fear, and tension in as many ways as possible. As a recent MBA graduate waiting to hear if I will be gainfully employed sooner rather than later, I have engaged in a fair amount of escapist techniques to ease my weary mind over the past 2 weeks or so.

I have read, gone to the movies, watched television, enjoyed a day at the spa, shopped, consumed many glasses of wine, changed living environments, cooked and cleaned, and slept. [Last night I enjoyed one of the first 10 hour slumbers I have experienced in over a year. For the past couple of months I have been going on 5 or 6 hours a night, driven by all that I wanted to accomplish the next day!]

This topic of escapism, which has become a guiding factor in recent media, is not a novel concept. In my undergraduate days I studied the artist Gaughin whose entire post-impressionist movement could be labeled as Escapism. He fled the art scene of Paris, financially destitute and unrecognized, and took refuge in Tahiti and a bevy of other tropical locales. While there he became engrossed in the primitive cultures and painted the native landscapes, culture, inhabitants, and wildlife in an ethereal light. Each of his paintings from this era represented exoticism and eroticism; a removal from conventional techniques and his departure from European colonialism. There are many other artists and engineers, architects and scientists who have discovered something great and exciting by departing from convention and escaping into an alternate reality. 

Today, as I read the New York Times at a very crowded Starbucks, I read about various methods of more mindless escapism. Such non-productive diversion is a bit scary because it begs you to remove yourself, to enter a mindless state of distraction, and to cease productivity and participation. Film and television are key producers of this form of escapism. The box office, mainly churning out thoughtless blockbusters, is up 14.5% in comparison to last year. This Memorial Day weekend was no exception with $223 Million spent on ticket sales to such shows as Night at the Museum, Terminator, and Star Trek. Television studios are also gearing up for a fall line-up of shows that are meant to let the “recession-weary viewers laugh and feel better.” Consumers are looking for ways to check-out and the media is feeding them a worry-free product.

Looking back on the past two weeks pre- and post- graduation, I noticed my engagement in both forms of escapism. I removed myself from worry and entered a more or less mindless state made possible by rich Cabernets and citrusy Sauvignon Blancs. Around 10:00 PM each night I was in a carefree, social, giggly state of affairs that could not be tainted by any anxiety. However, I also participated in escapist techniques more in the style of Gaughin and his creative counterparts. I made an effort to change scenery to foster a sense of newness and mental awakening. I have slept in 4 different beds over 7 days: In South Bend, Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Naperville. Each place representing a way of life that is a little different than the next. Ever the observer and analyzer, I believe that changing scenery and experiences keeps your mind inquisitive and thoughtful. I also continued to read newsprint media and books in an analytical mind frame, to question, probe, and continue my education. 

Escapism works, and works well. However it only functions if it is used as a means to reorient your thoughts. Escapism works if the end product is increased creativity and effectiveness. One of my former bosses told me once that all I had to do was continue to work hard at whatever I was doing, and that eventually things would fall into place or unfold the way they were supposed to. I believe this to be true. In my state of productive escapism, which is how I define this phase of life, my day continues to start pre-sunrise and end in fatigue from doing all that I could that day. I believe that I will emerge with a greater sense of knowing, being, and achieving than before. I will be ready to take on the next challenge whether I get the job that I want, have to look for a different job, start writing the book that I always wanted to write, or have the guts to pursue the little comfort catering company that I printed cards for. My great escape over the past 2 weeks has produced many thoughts, confusions, and queries, and I believe in the next couple days will produce some solid answers. 

To all escape artists out there, make your escape fruitful!

Lo 

Sustainability

I graduated from business school on Sunday. I am officially a jargon-ridden MBA ready to participate in discussions about best practices, robust measures, key stakeholders, and sustainability! Before entering business school the language of bankers, branders and consultants was Greek to me. I remember sitting by the pool a couple weeks before I embarked on my MBA education and talking with a Hedge Fund manager. He tried to explain what he did for a living and I nodded with an expression that could be characterized as "I have no idea what you are saying: I don't really know what a bond is, I don't really know what a stock is, and I have no idea what collateral, arbitrage, leverage or derivatives are." I am happy to say as a newly minted MBA I now know what a Hedge Fund manager does and I know the meanings of all those terms! 

Non-MBAs may accuse the business community of speaking in language that is unapproachable. However, I realized that some of the learned terms acquired throughout my education are transferable to my personal life as well. There are some important concepts in business not only applicable to American Industry, but also to the way we conduct our lives. One of these such concepts is sustainability. I learned about sustainable business models, sustainable best practices, a sustainable competitive advantage, and corporate sustainability. 

There are a lot of definitions for sustainability, but the one I like best was one that I learned in my UN Global Compact course: Sustainable development is development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs. Though a company may emphasize a particular financial, social or environmental goal to define their sense of sustainability, while another company focuses on a different goal, the key and connective understanding is to take steps to conduct business in a more responsible and lasting way. 

As an individual who has gone through many phases of life, I can see the importance of sustainability on a personal level. I have noted the need for sustainable best practices in my diet and exercise, relationships, and work ethic. Business leaders preach about finding a balance in all that you do. I think this perfect balance between life and work is unattainable, and I think a greater focus should be placed on living your life in a way that meets your needs today and positions you well for the future. 

Let me use the example of my experiences with diet and exercise. We live in a culture that preaches the benefits of extremes and crash diets. The media consistently tells us to eliminate whole groups of food and focus on a couple staples to encourage your body to drop weight quickly. We are told that pills can help our weight loss cause, or if you spend hours everyday at the gym, bouncing from one machine or exercise to the next, you will finally attain that ideal physique. If you are an extreme dieter, pill popper or exercise fanatic, your time frame for participating in these lifestyles is short.  Your body physically can't sustain the pressure and rigor from your workouts or substance abuse, and mentally your cravings stemming from depravation will kick in and lead to massive binges. I have been on all sides of this equation. I have exercised to exhaustion and I have not exercised at all; I have starved myself and I have binged; and I have been everywhere in between. From 2004 - 2007 my weight went up and down, up and down, and my mental and physical states yo-yo-ed with it. In business school, I successfully adjusted to a more or less sustainable pattern of diet and exercise. I run 6 days a week, and average 4.5 miles a day. I eat three or four small meals a day and tend not to drink alcohol (although, this week I have clearly indulged on that front.) I have maintained the same weight for 2 years now, am happy with it, and I feel great most every day. This is my sense of personal sustainability in diet and exercise. 

I believe you can also apply this to the world of dating, and I would like to explore this concept a little further in the future. I am blessed to be in a mutually beneficial, sustainable relationship. However, I know there are a lot of single women out there who can't find this kind of lasting relationship. Some of the key issues through my relationship development were finding someone who shared similar values, who could keep me grounded and in check (as I have a tendency to get a little flighty), who could make me laugh and always raise my spirits, who challenged me and encouraged me, and who loved me the same way I loved him. Relationships that don't last or are detrimental tend to fail due to inequalities in these arenas. Relationships are largely about a shared experience. The self is always present, but as you get deeper into a relationship, the understanding of a union must be there as well. I have witnessed friends in relationships where one member of the relationship was WAY more into the other person; where the lust and seduction of the relationship trumped all communication; when the relationship was all about 2 selves; or when the relationship was too heavily weighted on the union and dissolved the members' individuality. None of these scenarios ended up working and led to heartache. 

Like the term sustainability in business, it is hard to define what is and is not sustainable in our personal lives. There is a fine line at times concerning best practices, and what works for some, may not work for others. My goal as an ethnographer over the next year will be to decipher how some of these business terms can function in our personal lives and in particular the practices of women looking for their future mate. I think there are lessons to be learned here, especially given a population of single women who base their decision making and dreams on film, television, magazines, and urban myths. My theory is that practicality, efficiency, effectiveness, business savvy, and marketing mindfulness can lead any women who is single into a lasting, sustainable relationship. 

For now, I am signing off, but in the meantime, if you have any feedback or a story to share regarding dating or single-hood please post it! 

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! 

Lo 

I had a great day yesterday - - got a lot done and had fun doing it! I went for a run, created a scrapbook from all the snips, clips and photos of this past year, went to mass, got my cap and gown, went to lunch with a good friend, got a pedicure, went grocery shopping, and made and ate dinner while watching the Pens game with my brother and his fiance. Wow, I love rattling off a pragmatic list of things I did! During the latter part of the day, as I was chopping vegetables and enjoying a delicious glass of cabernet, I watched some episodes from the first season of Sex and the City. I have seen the entirety of this season multiple times before, but each time I watch it I find new meanings and applications to my life. 

This time around, I noticed that the first season presents the character of Carrie more as a sexual anthropologist or researcher than a party-going fashionista. Each episode is focused on her column and there is something smarter about her pursuits than in the later seasons when she takes on a more or less superficial role. I realized about half way through the 2nd episode that I watched last night, that this is why I like the market research and writing of business school so much - - it is very Carrie Bradshaw-esque. It also made me remember the other reason that I started writing this blog; to establish a place to document my observations and interpretations of the marketplace. In particular, a more practical approach to the dating marketplace, where women of my age and ilk seem to be living in a fantasy-land.  

So, I would like to touch on something that I learned this weekend while in Kansas City for a wedding shower. I have long staked myself on my sense of independence and ability to have a good time alone. I like to go to movies alone, I prefer to run alone, I shop alone, tend to work alone, and I like going to bed early and waking up early because it allows for more me time. One thing I have had a hard time doing though is going to a restaurant or a bar alone. If my partner(s) for the evening leaves me hanging for more than 15 minutes, I become very self-conscious. As the groupings of people around me become livelier, I feel lonelier. I used to eat at the dining hall by myself in my undergraduate years, but I always did it very quickly - - I was in and out in a matter of 15 minutes. 

So this weekend I set-out to conquer this fear. I arrived in Kansas City around 2 PM, my parents and sister didn't get in till 6:30 PM and our dinner reservations weren't till 7:30 PM. I knew the Pens game started at 6 PM, so I decided to go to a bar alone to watch the game and order a glass of wine. I figured if men can do this - - go to bars alone to watch games and have a beer, why can't I? I went to a place called Kona Grill, a trendy establishment that I had been to once before, but while I was in Phoenix, AZ about a decade ago. It was hopping and they had opened all their doors/windows in the front to entice passerbys to stop in. I was wearing my newer Citizens jeans and a red frilly top; an appropriate outfit for the happy hour crowd and the dinner that would follow at the restaurant next door. I thought I looked nice, so I confidently marched into the crowd, ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, took a gander around, found a seat at the opposite side of the bar and rushed over to take it. I asked for a channel change to watch the Penguins game, and began to passively observe the 20 and 30-something men and women as they attempted to find dates at the start of their weekend. 

I was about 2 sips into my glass of wine when the first of my suitors for the evening approached. He had a deep southern accent and was trying to engage me in small talk here and there. He worked for Novartis in some capacity and kept referred to his wingman Cody who was on his way. His pursuit stopped though when I responded "just one" to his question, "and how many boyfriends do you have?" He and his wingman, who had just arrived walked away, and from stage right entered the next small talker. This one was Indian and was interested in why I was watching the hockey game. Again, our conversation was cut short when I mentioned my boyfriend. Finally, there was a British guy who ran some sporting company in Kansas City. He eyed me from the other side of the bar and came over to "have a chat." Though he was aware of my relationship status, he continued the conversation. He was actually quite funny and mentioned that British men and women are different than Americans in that "having a chat" at a bar is fine and friendly and doesn't have to be flirting. I thought that was very refreshing. After 45 minutes at the bar, 1 Penguin goal, and 2 glasses of wine, I said goodbye to the Brit and walked next door to meet my parents. 

I told them my little story from the past hour and they were very amused. It got be thinking though, why do women always want to go everywhere in groups - - why, especially do they want to go to a bar to meet guys with a group of their most attractive girlfriends? Wouldn't it make sense for a woman to go to a bar alone and appear much more approachable to a guy or to increase your chances of being the one who gets hit on? When you go with a bunch of girlfriends there is a large chance that your thinner, more attractive, better dressed, but less funny and personality-driven friend will be the go-to-girl for the night. From my 45 minutes as the only woman ALONE in the bar, I have a working hypothesis that you WILL meet someone, and in a very short period of time, if you spend some time along there. My advice for single women: confidently, but passively engage in the friday or saturday night atmosphere by yourself. Try my scenario - - get a drink alone before later dinner plans, and see what happens. If any reader out there tries this and is successful, please comment! I would love some feedback. 

Go Cubs Go! 

Lo

I had a little dinner party last night for friends at my house. I set up my deck with a 6-top and served a provencal style grilled chicken salad - - a least it seemed very French countryside to me. We drank a couple lovely bottles of Sauvignon Blanc to accompany the meal, and judging by the way I have felt all day, I think I had one too many. It was an evening of great company, belly laughs made possible by my hysterical friend, Meredith and her mother, and good food set to the backdrop of a crisp spring evening. It was my idea of a perfect night. I tried to top it off, by going to Simeri's, a local hole-in-the-wall bar where the MBA event of the day was going on. In the style of graduation week, I thought it best to try to drink more and force a premature celebration. 

For me though, this graduation week is still filled with anxiety. I am sitting on my porch now trying to calm my nerves, relax, relieve myself of a lingering hang-over, and think about the fun I will have tonight at the hole-in-the-wall bar of the night, the legendary Backer. However, as I sit here, trying to listen to music, read a girly novel, or appreciate the perfect weather ... I keep coming back to fear of not having a job, anxiety about the results of a final round interview, annoyance about the grotesque banner flying around campus attached to a little plane, and longing for my last Notre Dame senior week where we were in the NCAA tournament, I was with good friends, and not having a plan after graduation was okay. 

I have talked to others in my class about not having a job, and not having a plan, and having to move home with their families. They seem to have checked out from their stress though. They said they were stressed, but now they don't care. With the exception of one other individual that I have talked with, everyone is going through this week without a care in the world. They are playing bags, bocce, golf, and volleyball during the day, and carefreely drinking in memories during the nights. I have dedicated myself to going out each evening, though over the past weekend and into last night, each night during which I imbibed, I got nostalgic and sad. The pressure bares down on me around 10 or 11 PM, and the magical transformative high of alcohol takes the form of a slight depressant. 

I was asked by some of my few, but loyal blog readers why I had stopped writing. I answered with a shpiel about how I had been so busy - - with finals and end-of-the-year projects, with interviews and other aspects of the job search, with weekend trips, the list went on. Although, the real reason seems to be that I have felt uninspired and blank. When you are in school the world is your oyster. You saturate yourself in knowledge and the potential for greatness. You become excited about what new things you will learn everyday. As the MBA education wore down and then was over, my excitement for the possibilities of the day went away. My morning runs were no longer filled with ideals, but silent prayers that I would get a job, and soon. Worry took the place of whimsy, and here I am, at a loss for positive words today. 

So here presents the reason that I have chosen to continue to write this blog, because it forces me to spit out the negative and the stress, get over it and get on with it. I did this once before in my life with a private word document. I wrote very often for 3 or 4 months and then once all that verbal garbage was out there, on the page, in front of me, I could move on and not let the bad things bog me down. So today, and my apologies, but this is the negative verbal garbage that helps me cope with my stress, and get on with the celebration that this week should be for everyone - - those with jobs and those that are jobless - - those that are graduating with honors (like myself!!) and those that aren't - - those that made tons of new friends and became the queen and king bees of the class, and those that were happy sitting back and playing a supporting role. Tonight, I will go to the Backer and watch a slideshow which documents the memories that make up Notre Dame MBA-ness - - I will think back on my experience fondly, and try my hardest to focus on the present, rather than looking toward an uncertain future. 

Fondly, 

Lo 

"I was puppet dancing to the max!"

As a white American female, attending the University of Notre Dame, there are not very many times when I have the experience of being within a minority group. I tend to blend in with the outward appearance of the crowd and find comfort in knowing how to move and converse with those around me. Though, there are many things that set me apart as an individual, there are more things that make me a prototype of privileged white culture. 

This past weekend was a celebration of such around campus. It was the Blue and Gold football scrimmage, which brought with it patronizing alums, elaborate tailgates, and drunk collegiates and grad students who dedicated a 72 degree beautiful day in South Bend to the pursuit of blackout status. In the fall the MBA school hosts the most raucous tailgate of all, complete with a stereo system set to the Linebacker's greatest hits and many drunk 30 year olds dancing while eating chick-fillet and guzzling beer. This spring tailgate was a little tamer - - not as much shotgunning, not as much dancing. I was a little disappointed by the lack of dancing and ended up leaving the tailgate prematurely to attend various sporting events around campus.

In the evening I went to a rock concert. It probably was the fifth concert that I have been to in my entire life. The ones that I can recount are Dave Matthews Band circa 1998, TLC in 1999, Justin Timberlake in 2007, and Willie Nelson at Rivinia last summer. Besides that, my live music experiences have been concentrated on symphonic, operatic, and musical performances. So this pathetic list of attended concerts is rather embarrassing to say the least. The band was Umphree's McGee. Those familiar with this band appreciate their jam sessions, but I found their sound very loud and confusing. What I found more confusing though was how out of place I was in the crowd. In downtown South Bend, where I have never felt out of place within the walls of such places as Finnegans or Corby's, I was suddenly very self-aware. I had just come from a dinner party and was wearing nice jeans, a wrap-around sweater, and espadrilles. Those around me were wearing Harry Potter hats, grass skirts, no shirts, no shoes, and accessories like kazoos. My hair was neatly tied back in a pony-tail and my face slightly made-up. Those around me had their hair knotted up in dreadlocks and hadn't even washed their faces. 

For a lack of better title, the "hippies" engaged in gyration all around me - - a form of dance, movement, appreciation that I didn't understand. They bounced back and forth with the music, cheered when the band started jamming, waved their hands all around them, and looked to be having the greatest time. I just stood there afraid that everyone was judging me for not fitting in. I observed the sights, took in the smells of marijuana that permeated the air, and tried not to cover my ears when the music got more and more intense. 

I started to think about why I felt so awkward participating in this culture and in particular this dance. I LOVE dancing. And this dance that everyone around me was doing, wasn't that hard. I could have circled my arms and hands around my body, I could have bobbed back and forth with the crowd, but I just stood there. Whenever I go to a wedding, a formal dance, a bar, or a party where popular music is playing, I am the first one to run onto the dance floor and start flailing my body in every which way. I have no need to be utterly inebriated before performing what some have called puppet dancing and others have called public aerobics. I love the ability to pour my energy into the room and be the catalyst to what will soon turn into a rocking dance floor. My friends will wait until they are 2,3, or even 4 or 5 drinks deep before joining me. The alcohol somehow gives them the courage they need to express themselves rhythmically. I wonder why this is ... why are we scared to dance at times? Why did I feel so against dancing the hippy dance, and why do I lead the charge when the music is set to a dance club soundscape?

I think it's all about being in our comfort zone. If we feel out of place we don't want to draw more attention to ourselves. Dancing has become an activity that makes everyone feel a little awkward. My generation, for the most part, did grow up with social dancing lessons. We learned how to move from music videos or movies. Because most of the population is so unsure of their ability to dance it is largely done under the mind altering effects of drugs or alcohol. Most of the hippies around me at the concert were high on something or other. Most of the domers at the bar are wasted by the time they finally make it over to the dance floor. The "dance club" in South Bend requires significant pre-gaming before anyone will make their way onto the s

tage, or even into the establishment. I remember when I was at a high school dance, where I displayed the origins of my more evolved puppet dancing, the teacher chaperones confronted me to ask if I had been drinking. I had not had a sip alcohol that night, but they immediately assumed that my excitement at the music and dance floor was a sign that I was under the influence. 

I don't really know where I am going with this, but I thought all of this was interesting. I think if I dedicated my time to doing more research about dancing and our consumer behavior toward dancing, I would arrive at some interesting findings. However, I don't have time for that this morning. So, I will leave you with this challenge. This weekend, whether you are at the bar, a house party, a concert, or a wedding, try a new dance - - a dance that doesn't require being blackout drunk or the accompaniment of those you feel comfortable alongside. Get out on the dance floor early and often, forget about the onlookers and jealous judgers. Express yourself as you would in your car or while at home alone. It feels great and if you are as crazy as me on the dance floor, it is the best workout you will ever have! 

In the eternal words of Lady GaGa ... "Just Dance!"

Lo  

 

No Regrets?

Whenever I have the opportunity to hear a big-wig speak, there seems to be a common theme that these all-wise, all-knowing individuals have no regrets in their life - - that everything they have done has been a tremendous experience and has led them to their mighty perch today. 

What a wonderful feeling that must be. 

Where I stand today, which seems like base camp, I look back on certain choices I have made over the past decade and wonder whether or not they weren't filled with mistakes. Again, I am facing a looming graduation from Notre Dame without a job. It happened in 2004 and it is about to happen again. The last time, I was focused on the lacrosse season, so any anxiety I felt at that time was around winning a National Championship (which didn't happen.) Today, my sole anxiety is finding a job - - a job that I like, that pays well, and that lands me in the Chicago area. I have been networking and I actually had 2 interviews over the past 2 weeks, but nothing is set in stone yet. Even my alleged guaranteed job offer from my internship this summer has more or less vanished, as there are no open positions due to the economy. I keep telling myself (as everyone else does) that things will fall into place, but I can't help but think ... what if I did this ... what if I had done that ... wouldn't I be stress-free now?

Here are some of those what ifs ... or potential regrets:

I went to get my undergraduate degree from Notre Dame and was originally in the business school. I had a hunch that this is where my talent might be. However, I found the large economics class I took 2nd semester of Freshman year, inadequate, so switched into the school of Art and Letters and became a verbose, idealist liberal arts student focusing on Art History. Potential Regret #1 - Not putting up with 400-person business school lectures, seeking the 8-person seminar, and being an artsy, fartsy student who spent too much time making ceramic bowls. 

When everyone in the business school was getting dressed in their business professional attire to peddle themselves at career fairs, and while the Arts and Letters students were figuring out which non-profit, version of teach for the underprivileged, or peace making effort to join, I was working with a career counselor to discern my personality type. I met with the same woman about 5 times and each session produced the same result, which I kind of already knew - - that I am scatter brained and indecisive. Potential Regret #2 - Trying to figure out the best fit for me at the time, when I should have just dived into the recruiting mess and found a job as a cookie-cutter consultant. 

When we lost to Northwestern in the NCAA tournament in 2004, I walked off the field crying. I don't really think it was because we lost, though it looked great and dramatic on camera. Instead, it was because I didn't know what to do next. I didn't have any more goals on or off the field for which to strive. I went back to Pittsburgh after graduation, lived with my parents, and tried to figure out what would be next. Because I always wanted to work at and own my own restaurant, I learned the ways of fine-dining restaurant management and managed a big contemporary American themed restaurant for over 2 years. Potential Regret #3 - Never work in a restaurant! Bad for your health, stability, social life, and motivation. Also, will lead you to daily incidences of sexual harassment. 

Because I knew I needed to redirect and further my education, I applied, got in, and went to business school. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to get out of it, but I soon learned that most people had a definitive plan. They wanted to solve the energy crisis, make a mint as the next super star Hedge Fund manager, run a non-profit in Africa, be a consultant at McKinsey, or get married. I thought marketing, but didn't know a thing about marketing. Instead of focusing on the career search as soon as I set foot in the door, I thought, wow, I am one of 10 girls in the program, and I haven't had the opportunity to party at dive bars in years! So ... I put on ridiculous outfits everyday and sipped cocktails every night. I was distracted by the social scene, and tried to distance myself from the dorky student I was in undergrad. Potential Regret #4 - Should have really concentrated in Stats, Economics and other technical classes from day 1! And shouldn't have wasted all my savings on going out, buying new clothes, and going on costly excursions in the first semester of school. 

I really shouldn't complain about B-school though. The first year turned out to be great, as did the 2nd year. I have learned SO much and gained a lot of confidence in problem solving and team leadership. However, I continued to put the job search off. I managed to get a great internship over the summer, which showed promise of a job offer. However, that job offer vanished when the economy took a turn for the worst. I guess the final potential regret, would have been to get on the job search as soon as I came back after summer, and reach out to various companies. The problem was that I still didn't know exactly what I wanted to do and how to voice it until last module, which was in March or so. I still am sold on a career path, but I have found a great intersection of my skills, interests, and natural talents in a couple of functional areas in the Food Service Industry. We'll see where these latest interviews lead me, but for now, I still have stress on my mind. 

So ... one day when I have achieved the lofty state of all-wise business leader, and speak to the young business minds at Notre Dame, I would love to say that I have gone through life without a regret. I think in the grand scheme of things, that everything that I have done will add up to something amazing - - that all my experiences will contribute to my sense of self and make me a better business leader. It is hard at times though, to see how everything fits together. However, working on my resume, cover letter, and interview spiel has let me make sense of some of the discontinuities. 

At this point, I can clearly say to myself, if I didn't make the choices I did, if i didn't have the experiences as artist, athlete, server, restaurant manager, and hat-sporting social butterfly, I wouldn't have had such a great conversation at CJs the first night of MBA orientation, which has lead to the most amazing relationship with the most amazing boyfriend. If I hadn't gone through the learning curve of business jargon and "skills," I wouldn't be as excited about continuing my education and learning more on the job. And if I hadn't listened to my gut interests and motivations, I would have most likely been a very unhappy consultant in Pittsburgh, trying to find my future husband in line at Kennywood. 

I wish you the ability to see the benefit in all that you do, and to not get discouraged when things don't look as you pictured them. There is most likely a reason, or a method to the madness. Just keep making the most of every opportunity that comes your way, and eventually the rewarding job or scenario, not as you imagined, but fabulous just the same, will happen for you. 

Lo 

We Move in Mysterious Ways

This Sunday was Easter. When I was young, Easter Sunday meant a couple of things: the ability to eat lots of chocolate as soon as I woke up, an Easter basket with the newest Disney VHS, a very long church service, brunch at my country club, an Easter Egg hunt at my grandparent's house, ham with raisin sauce, rolls shaped like Easter bunnies, and the ability to eat more chocolate into the night in shapes ranging from crosses to carrots. 

This year, I was in South Bend for Easter. My family and I celebrated at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart on Notre Dame's campus with a standing room only crowd. The mass was replete with ceremonial processions, incense, hymns that sounded like victory marches for the Catholic Church  ("This is the feast of victory for our God ... Alleluia!"), and tons of people that poured in despite the lack of seating. This high mass was the high point of my Easter Sunday. The following activities of brunch and Easter basket consumption (yes I still get an Easter basket at age 27) had lost their luster as I have become increasingly wary of how too many eggs, bacon, hash browns, and chocolates will affect one's waistline. 

So my holiday was focused on the commemoration and celebration of the great mystery of Jesus' resurrection and his powerful love for humanity, which dominates even the greatest sins. Father Rocca's homily spoke of this puzzling event, and it made me think about the concept of mystery in our lives. As a Catholic, my faith is filled with elements that lie outside of human understanding. It is very hard to explain my beliefs to others at times, and it is frustrating when I cannot satisfy someone's request for justification and reason to queries concerning Christianity. 

In my qualitative market research course last week, I came upon an interesting insight into how to explain mystery. We listened to a spontaneous focus group that my professor conducted when he attended the Burning Man Festival. In an attempt to learn more about the sacred elements of the anti-marketing / consumerist festival, he gained access to the "Women's Temple" and spoke with what he called, "the mother bear," and two of her followers. The Women's Temple was a celebration of femininity. It offered support to and worship of the sacred feminine mysteries. During the focus group session, "the mother bear" offered a particularly interesting explanation. She spoke about the unique mysteries of man and woman, and that man can only gain limited access to the female experience. She stated that it is only within a healthy and mutually respectful union of man and woman, that one can find harmony. During the interview my professor probed into her concept of mystery - - "what does mystery mean?" She stated that it was something unexplainable and that it could only be defined in an experience -- since man can never inhabit a female body, he will never understand the full experience of womanhood. 

Though I found the focus group and the dialogue odd, I thought the insight about mystery and our unique mysteries was wonderful. It helped me to explain my faith better. The great parts of Christian faith are divine mysteries, and as humans, we are unable to comprehend them in their entirety. However, I have had experiences that make me certain of my faith. These powerful experiences might be revealed in a church, while with a friend or family member, in silent prayer, or on a run in the morning. I can explain the scenario, the thought processes, and the conversation. However, the underlying feeling of assurance, love, thanksgiving, etc., cannot be fully described. 

Besides in our faith life, I think we need to view our human relationships as mysteries not fully revealed as well. Even though one thinks one knows someone very well, there are elements that are never fully understandable, because one has not lived through the other's experiences. Each one of us is filled with unique qualities that can only be revealed over time. It is easier in life to classify people and not devote time to understanding them. It is also easier to close one's self and not permit others to enter your personage. However, by doing either or both of these things, we fail to experience the rich and beautiful nature of humanity.

My advice today is to open yourself to the complexities of humanity - - to listen to the people that you encounter through the day, and to (for lack of a better cliche) put yourself in their shoes. At the same time, open yourself up. Share your experiences so that your mystery can be revealed to others. Have faith in your friends and family members, and if you begin to question that faith seek the answers that lie deep under the surface.  

Lo 

 

Lovingly Prepared

I have a love / hate relationship with food. 

My love stems from the essence of the individual ingredients and the rich flavor profiles that emerge after combining them; the nourishing and sacramental qualities and connotations, which embody food; the literature about the people and places that define the industry; the artisans and chefs that painstakingly experiment till they reach perfection; and the universal understanding of the love behind a meal, hand-crafted for someone else. I am reading a book about artisanal baking, and there is a wonderful image at the beginning. The author, Maggie Glezer, describes a scene at a hostess' house where Lionel Poilane (a masterful French baker) is being entertained. The hostess sets down a basket of bread at dinner and immediately apologizes saying that she has made it herself and it doesn't compare to Poilane's masterpieces. Poilane states in response, "on the contrary, this bread is far better than anything I have ever sold, for you have made it to feed your family - with your own two hands and all your heart." This is what I truly love about meal preparation and service - it becomes my gift to others, an offering of my time and talent, though it may not be the same quality you find in a five star restaurant. 

My hate of food stems only from the repercussions of eating too much of it. It seems impossible as a woman to totally succumb to the pleasures that arise from food and simultaneously keep one's girlish figure. As my family can attest, I have an addiction to sampling - - to trying a little bit here and there, skimming some off of the top, finding that piece of dark chocolate that lies in the Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk, going to Whole Foods just to try their latest display of cheeses, and reaching across the table to try everyone else's meal while I "just have a salad." Any foodie would find the hatred side of my relationship appalling. Tasting, appreciation, and respect is at the forefront of their dedication to the art of food. Though I cannot say that I will kick my obsessive calorie consciousness immediately, winning over the foodie's admiration, I believe I have made great strides in that direction. 

I have converted to cooking with and eating real food (as opposed to diet food) for a good portion of the week. I used to think "lean," "fat free," "low sodium," "low in calorie," "Pam," etc. were a woman's best friend. However, I found out that all those descriptors actually mean bland, chewy, artificial and "please pass the salt!" When I cook for others I now use whole milk and cream, the combination of butter and olive oil, generous portions of salt, bacon and its grease drippings, and the red meat with fat as opposed to the trimmed down version. The difference in the quality of the meal prepared with a rich portfolio of ingredients instead of their lighter relatives is astronomical! The taste that derives from authenticity, precision, and diligence is far superior than a haphazard meal or diet solution.   

This conversion in my cooking and eating habits characterizes other aspects in my life. During the past 2 years of school, I feel that my hobbies, interests, and educational experiences have been enriched. I put less stress on the hurried work product, and more emphasis on the process. I try to instill everything that I do with a sense of passion and enthusiasm, even when it's difficult. 

I am at another stressful and anxiety-filled crossroads in my life. The first time I graduated from Notre Dame, I didn't know what I wanted to do, and ended up in the Food Service Industry. Though I hated the grind of restaurant management on a 6-day-a-week, 65+ hour-a-week schedule, I loved helping make gnocchi and crab cakes in the prep-kitchen, watching and talking with the artisanal bread baker, catering to the under-appreciated customer, learning about the food and wine from experts, and adding to the drama that unfolded every evening at my restaurant. This next graduation in May brings about a new set of challenges as I try to discern a career and find a job. I enter a virtually jobless market, where my concentration in marketing and communications, seems less of a door-opener by the day. It is hard to demonstrate to a potential employer that you are the next best thing for the company, when the piece of paper that your life is condensed to, doesn't speak truths about your inner character. I am at a loss for advice to those job seekers who want to know how to put one's best foot forward in the job market. I wish I had that advice myself. All that I can keep doing is to continue to market myself, and have faith that things will fall into place - - that if I continue to listen to cues, I will find a true calling. 

Until I land my dream job (whatever that may be), I will try to keep doing everything throughout my day with love. If I fail in this regard, I know the product will not be as good, and I will need to find a way to redirect my motivations. Today, add passion into what you do. Dedicate yourself to lovingly and thoughtfully giving your time and talent to others. Take the hatred and the frustration out of your activities, work and relationships. Though your gift may only be in hobby form today, perhaps with practice, refinement and commitment it will turn into a rewarding career. 

Lo

Sweet Spontaneity

Today is one of those days that I have everything planned out: Investments midterm, Marketing research class, mass at the crypt, lunch and reading for UN, UN Global Compact class, meeting for Living Stations of the Cross, Dinner, meet others to go to Living Stations of the Cross, Procession till 9:30, go home, go to bed. It is that rigid. There is no room for error in time management today. There doesn't even seem to be a moment to catch a breath. I wonder how I will enjoy one aspect of today, without worry that I will miss the next.  

At dinner on Sunday it was lamented that every weekend from now till the end of school is planned - - that we lacked the ability to be impulsive on a given free weekend. At the spur of the moment that night we had gone to an early dinner, then to get ice cream at Cold Stone, and then went the movies, creating the most fantastic spontaneous Sunday evening. (We saw Adventureland, which I highly recommend. A very sweet coming of age story and set in my home town of Pittsburgh!) When I exited the theater I realized that I had just had a complete date night without putting hours into an agenda or the beautification process. 

I remember when I didn't have a set plan after I graduated from undergrad. Or, everyday I sought to make a comprehensive strategy to carry me through to success. However, by the end of every night that plan generally got shut down or became uninteresting to me. I failed to live in the moment at that point of my life. 

My message today is simple. Though your life may seem structured and set, open yourself to the possibility of change. If your life is unplanned and chaotic, embrace the ability to soak up as many different opportunities as possible. In my experience, which is quite limited, plans tend to change unexpectedly, things fall into place the way they should, and routine continues. Make the most of your spare time, because it goes quickly. I have learned that spontaneity in life tends to create the sweetest moments. 

Lo