A Good Product

It seems that throughout the books I have read, films that I have seen, and business news that I have been confronted with recently, there are a great many characters struggling with their identity. Their confusion about who they are and who they want to be becomes the crux of the plot. Indecision when it comes to self-definition, leads a character to peril. It is only when the character clearly defines who he or she is, that they can make the most of their existence, and create the most beneficial relationship with the stakeholders involved.

In the newest remake of Star Trek, a young Spock struggles to define his character. He is told, “You will always be a child of two worlds.” He is half human and half Vulcan, which in layman terms means he has an emotional human heart and a mechanic Vulcan mind that can make decisions based entirely on reason. In Terminator Salvation, the character Marcus Wright is half human and half machine. He finds out about his mechanic and indestructible interior toward the middle of the film, and when directed to return to Skynet Headquarters is forced to make a decision about his character. In the novel, Middlesex, Calliope/Cal struggles to identify with a particular gender. Calliope was raised as a female, but after puberty took on the appearance of a man. There is a constant tension between the two sides that tears at Calliope’s character, and she won’t be happy until she reaches a committed decision. In Corporate America there are a great number of large and small companies seeking to redefine their character. They have been something too big, too narrow-minded, or too irrelevant for too long, and given financial dire straits, they are forced to see where their core competencies lie. This reshaping of their identity is the crux of their corporate timeline. Without a sound, qualified decision, the said company faces greater stock price plummets, shareholder angst, employee lay-offs, and eventual bankruptcy.

In all of these examples it becomes necessary for the individual involved to make a strong commitment toward one side of their character. Spock sees the value of being emotionally comprised, and gives into his human heart. Marcus Wright also cannot overcome his human heart to perform as a machine, and becomes a warrior for humanity. Calliope sides with her male persona, and becomes a more sensitive, better-dressed, and more confident person because of it. Big companies have chosen a leaner version of themselves in order to get back to what they do best and survive economic hard times. Because of these tensions, struggles, and hard decisions, the characters mentioned above become richer, more successful, and more interesting than the more two dimensional characters who support them. 

In the same vain, a product must have a clear understanding of its identity before it goes to market. It must have a well-defined and communicated value-add, so that the consumer knows exactly how this thing will benefit his or her life. A good product is reliable and long lasting. It is not something that you have to replace on a regular basis. Certain companies produce products that go through various life cycles. These products get upgrades and makeovers and usually leave the consumer wanting the original. (Microsoft Office is one such product that is continually upgraded, but seems to get worse and more confusing each time.) Consistency, reliability, value, hard work, physical attractiveness, and emotional appeal all work toward making a successful and lasting marriage between consumer and product. 

I don’t want to sound harsh or over-simplistic. However, I believe there is a strong similarity between the goods market and the dating market. A solid product goes to market after a careful examination of what the said product wants to be and how it can make a consumer’s life better. When you enter the dating market, my recommendation is to have a clear understanding of what you can promise to deliver. Girls, in particular, in today’s society are struggling in identity formation in much the same way as the aforementioned characters. They are torn between who their parents and friends want them to be, and what they believe the media and a prototypical male want them to be. There is a constant battle in their mind from hobbies, nutrition, sense of humor, and education, to wardrobe, hair and make-up, and social circle. In many scenarios, girls are taking the easy road by turning into clones or knock-offs of an original. They find one girl, whether she is in their school, in film or television, or an older role model, and shape their personalities off of the success of that individual. They thus become the Wal-Mart version of the original.  

As you enter the dating market, whether you are 16 or 35, the male counterpart that you are in search of, isn’t looking for a knock-off. Or, if he is, it is probably to fill a temporary void, until he can afford something better or more lasting. We all possess unique experiences and qualities that contribute to our character’s exclusive nature. There are certain things that we might have in common with one another, but when shopping around, men are looking for a distinctive personality, that will complement their nature.

So when you are gearing up for a weekend in search of that certain someone, think about who you are first. Think about those characteristics that make you special, different, and interesting, then play them up. In terms of physical appearance, accentuate what you like best about yourself. For example, if it’s your waist, make sure you are not wearing one of the ever-popular beer belly covering tops that girls seem to flock to recently. (NOTE: If you are proud of your entire body, please do not accentuate your entire body. You will end up looking like an easy, but unsustainable purchase.) In terms of your personality, funnel a conversation around a distinguishing part of yourself. Your job or your pet should not be the sole definition of who you are. What you do from 9 to 5 and who you talk to from 5 till bed, might not be the best place to start a dialogue. Think of a hobby you have, an experience you had, a great story, that makes you, you. Something that I always talked about was my participation on the Varsity Lacrosse Team at Notre Dame. I even remember showing a guy how I would play defense on him in the middle of a bar. This differentiating statistic, led to richer conversations about sport in general, which tends to be an immediate bonding point between male and female.

Like Spock, we are all children of a complex world, but it is our responsibility to define which aspects of our culture we want to embed within our character. Your identity in the dating market should be distinctive. Figure out your value-add, then walk into that venue confident, self-assured, and ready to sell yourself! 

Lo. 

Moving On

I am a native of the very proud city of Pittsburgh, which I like to consider a hidden gem. It is not quite the Midwest or East Coast, and has a personality, dialect, and culture of its own. It is a unique and underexposed city. Only a true native can appreciate the quirky character of the city that becomes embedded in a Pittsburgher’s identity. Even though I have lived away from Pittsburgh for two years now, and will be migrating to Chicago next week, Pittsburghese twang still slips from my mouth at moments, I still read the Pittsburgh Post Gazette on-line, my Pittsburgh pride swells throughout the Stanley Cup and NFL playoffs, I believe the Richardsonian Romanesque houses in Pittsburgh are the most regal, historic and undervalued mansions in the country, I miss walking into everyone that I know just as soon as I walk out the front door, and I crave Pittsburgh summers complete with the Pittsburgh Golf Club pool, tennis courts, and poolside dining, potato patch fries from Kennywood, Buccos games, and getting lunch on Walnut Street. I love the city of Pittsburgh and it will always have a special place in my heart.

In a week I will make a more or less permanent move away from my hometown to the burgeoning metropolis of Naperville, IL which lies about 25 miles from the Windy City. It is a slice of apple pie Americana complete with a Disney-esque River Walk, a mayor named Officer Friendly, framed mansions with pristine lawns, and the most amazing public pool I have ever seen, called Millennial Beach (sorry Dormont.) This pool is built from an old quarry and is absolutely enormous. It still has 2 high dives and 2 low boards despite our overly litigious culture, a floating dock in the middle, a water slide, lap lanes, and a bevy of good looking life guards who ride in kayaks around the pool to make sure no one drowns. I would even say it rivals my Grandparents’ country club, Spring Lake, in Quincy Illinois.

Naperville has a lot to offer and I am excited to move to my one bedroom loft apartment in a building that used to be a furniture factory. I am excited to be living near a Red Mango, a beautiful old church with lots of mass times, the train line to Chicago, and of course my boyfriend. Since my job does not start until June 15^th, I have spent the past couple days hanging out in and around the downtown area, taking advantage of observation time focused on the native Napervillians in their habitat, trying to elicit what makes Naperville special. 

One of the first observations that makes Naperville unique is the abundance of children. In particular the town is rampant with teenagers. They roam the streets like they own them, like they aren’t awkward and annoying. They have full child designated areas in Naperville like the skateboard park. Yesterday was "graduation day," which meant that the child-to-adult ratio was particularly out of order. They ran up and down Jefferson Street, in and out of retail venues, waving to friends, yelling, laughing, rejoicing that summer had come. These teenagers are part of the Millennial Generation that I studied in marketing. I always discounted the self-assurance factor among this generation. However, here, given the number and groupings of teens, I have seen the theory of teenage confidence in action. I feel self-conscious as a fashionably dressed, coifed, made-up adult, in the presence of hoards of confident teens. 

A great example of this confident and oblivious teenage nature happened yesterday as I witnessed a boyfriend-girlfriend pair at Barnes and Noble making out among the cookbook section. They had no qualms, they were laughing loudly, and they wanted everyone to focus on them. While sitting at the café a short distance away, I grew frustrated by the scene especially since they were deflowering the bookstore in front of Tyler Florence, Jacques Pepin, Mario Batalli, and Daniel Boulud. When I was in middle school and high school I always felt self-conscious and I was always chaperoned. These teens are empowered, comfortable in their skin, and prematurely mature. In Naperville, even when it's not graduation day, I believe kids rule. 

In Naperville there are also a lot of people doing just what I am doing now, hanging out. My scientific boyfriend and brother-in-law would argue that this activity can we witnessed in every city. However, over the past week, around 10:00 AM till noon at Starbucks, I have never seen a coffee shop so consistently crowded. It is bustling with teens (especially today), business men in meetings, students studying, mothers chatting about their problem children or marriage, old people reading or just staring into space, solo business men shouting through their blue tooth technology so the world can hear that they aren’t as delinquent as local gossip has it, more teens, single men oglers who watch the women walk by the front window, and mothers pushing strollers in and out of the door with a great struggle. Howard Schultz' idea of the third place continues to be well played out at Naperville's downtown Starbucks. 

It is not one particular demographic or even place within Naperville that defines this hanging out. There are people of all ages hanging out all over Naperville. On the river walk, at the frozen yogurt place (Red Mango!) I go to for lunch, at the coffee shops, at Barnes and Noble, up and down the streets of the downtown section of Naperville, ANYWHERE there is a place to sit is soon enough filled with people that want to take a break to hang out. This defines what I consider a more relaxed pace to Naperville - a more sociable, friendly Midwestern feel that is welcoming and warm. 

Just as I am proud of Pittsburgh, the civilians of Naperville are staunchly proud of their city. The term “Naper” describes schools, libraries, roads, stores, restaurants, time of year (Naper Days) etc. There are more bronze statues of Naperville V.I.P.s than one can imagine. I don’t think the Art Institute owns that many bronzes. Everywhere you walk or drive around Naperville you run into one. They have a pristine park district with a team of employees who make sure the lawns are manicured, the playground equipment is safe, and the signs are shiny and clean. They have the best school system in the country and every proud parent has the NNHS (Naperville North High School) or NCHS (Naperville Central High School) plaque with their child’s graduating class date displayed on their front lawn, on the back of their cars, and on their boast paraphernalia. They also have the best and most frequently used public library in the country, the best bank, and the best prairie running trails. 

No matter where you are from there are certain aspects of your community or city that make you proud. I will soon be among the Naperville young professionals, and I will soon delve into community and parish involvement to establish pride in the city. It is a friendly, clean, safe, and beautiful town, and I am ready to proudly call it home. Pittsburgh will always be my hometown, but this chapter of my life begs for something different than the Steel City. I am ready to move on.    

Lo

Once Upon a Time ...

I just read Louise Rafkin’s article on “modern love” from the New York Times published May 29^th. Her task as a journalist for the San Francisco Chronicle is to research and write about passionate and unique love stories. From her perspective her quest is an anthropological investigation because she claims to have never experienced the level of intimacy that her informants describe. She is ever the skeptic. She hears story after story where love is a pre-destined affair, a cataclysmic event, and an Earth shattering experience. The couples she interviews document their fated meeting, romantic courtship, and inevitable fairytale marriage, while she tries to brush aside the failures and shortcomings of her amorous relationships. 

I am not a skeptic and I believe in the powerful force of love, but I would place myself in the league of Rafkin’s shrink who advocates “love” as a verb or an act, rather than “love” as a noun, which magically descends on couples. I am an advocate for the practical, reasonable understanding of love that can be achieved by anyone if they set their mind to it. Love the verb is a selfless act that anyone can do. It is something that starts small and grows with time and commitment. I believe the derailing descent of love the noun is unsustainable and perhaps even a self-serving affair.

A repertoire of stories from my girlfriends and how they met their significant others came to mind while reading this article. Of perhaps 15 tales of first encounters and dates, there is one that fits the bill for Louise Rafkin’s uniquely romantic research. That is the ironic story of a friend who met her husband of Mexican heritage while eating Taco Bell at the Vegas airport, hung-over, weary eyed, and make-up free. He pursued her immediately and ended up switching seats on the plane to be next to her, to continue the conversation they started while waiting at the gate, get her number and ask her on a date when they were back in the great state of Ohio. I went to their wedding in October and they are very happily married.

The rest of the anecdotes are a little less interesting, less love at first sight. A couple of my friends met their significant other while drunk at a bar; a couple others were introduced by a mutual friend; some rekindled a friendship from high school or college; and some tried out the next man that complemented them after getting over a bad break up. To enhance their narratives of love found, they might turn to an experience that happened later in the courtship to unravel the romance of the relationship. Most don’t want to tell a dull story, so they start to create fables about first glances, happenstance encounters, and soft kisses. A lot of people want to create a fairy tale out of the relationship even if it does not exist.

Girls grow up learning about Cinderella, her Fairy God Mother, Prince Charming and his noble steed. The female maturity cycle is riddled with passionate, romantic, sweep-you-off-your feet love stories that shape our understanding of what love is supposed to be. From our youth when we learn about princesses who need to be rescued by a very handsome and rich prince; through our adolescent years when we learn the language of teen romantic comedies where the ordinary, unpopular girl gets wooed by the prom king; till we reach adulthood when the romantic dramas tell us that despite our reason and our existing sound marital relationship, there is still that fated someone out there that will offer us the burning love a la The Notebook that will re-instill vigor into our routine lives.

As an imaginative child who perhaps spent a little too much time on the interior of my mind, consumed by my own thoughts, fantasies and role playing, I used to imagine that during the couple weeks at the beach each year I had a summer boyfriend. I used to walk alone on the beach pretending to be talking to this imaginary boy. It was a relationship based on a combination of Grease and the episodes of Saved by the Bell with Stacey Kerosi.  I spent hours willing this fantasy to happen in real time and grew frustrated when year after year it never happened. I never had my summer fling song to sing when I came back to school in the fall. I wondered if it was me at the time, but looking back on it, how on Earth did I think I was going to partake in the real world, when I was walking up and down the beach alone talking to myself?

We are set up for disappointment, because the love we are trying to attain - - the love that is dramatic, mind-blowing, and all-consuming - - most likely will not hit us. This is not a woman’s fault. Rather, it is more that the straight man has no idea what women are spending their gossip sessions dreaming about. Instead of dwelling on the prince that will never come to wake you up from years of slumber, open your eyes to the possibility that love can grow between any two individuals with an initial chemistry.

In the novel, Middlesex, one of the most beautifully and poetically composed stories that I have ever read, the narrator, Calliope or Cal, states, “our lives are always more beautiful in writing.” We want to create something poetic, mythical, and impossibly unique about our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. We weave narratives together that give our love lives more meaning, more drama, because we think that is what the world wants to hear.  When my friends call me up and ask, “so, tell me about the boyfriend …” I say something like, “I don’t know … I am very happy … we have a lot of fun together … and I have nothing to complain about.” Very unromantic, very non-descript. However, I believe the richer parts of our relationships are meant to be private. The special moments that exist between two people with unique personalities can only be fully understood by those people. The excitement I get from my relationship can not be translated in its entirety to my girl friend on the other end of the line, because what makes me happy is not necessarily her dream scenario.

So instead of dreaming, planning your fairy tale life, and trying to make your relationship into something that it will never be, wake-up to the possibility that the life you are living and sharing with another person has yet to fully unravel and your continued contribution will make it even more fantastic. I promise that if you commit to practicing the act of selfless love you will live happily ever after.

Lo 

A Dating Game?

When I was chronically single, which I like to argue was self-imposed, but looking back on it might have been due to shortcomings in dating knowhow, I couldn't find a boyfriend for the life of me. Singledom inhabited 25 years of my life, and though I enjoyed it, I also craved the love and companionship of a significant other. I had resigned finding a match to the realm of impossible during my sister's wedding in 2007, but as I entered the right place at the right time (otherwise known as business school with a girl to guy ratio of 1 to 5) I miraculously found Mr. Right knocking on my door. 

I recently went through another dry-spell of sorts. This one was in the job market. Currently, about 40% or more of my graduating MBA classmates are in the same dry-spell. They can't get a date or engage in a more serious relationship with a company for the life of them. Finding a job in today's economy is much like the dating market. There are broad array of methods to go about a company courtship in hopes of finding that illusive job. 

First, there are awkward periods of forced networking, which mimic the activities and conversations of speed dating; Glib, processed, and rehearsed dialogue, which might just land you with a phone number or email address. There are on-line profiles, applications, and screening to get your name out there in hopes that some company fishing to fill a role might choose your name out of the millions of other perspectives. Similar to Match.com, Yahoo! Personals, eHarmony, and so on, usually you get a solicitation from an interested party who you have no interest in. If you are more desperate than most you hire a pimp or a head-hunter, much like the career development office. They make all these significant and wonderful promises, and when they can't deliver, you feel violated and in a vicious cycle of obligation to them.  

There is also the progressive hierarchy of dates with a company in order to establish a chance at a full-time commitment, which mimics the dating game quite well. First, there is the initial screening, which can be viewed as that first meeting at a bar, where you might reveal your go-to story, personality trait, or exciting experience set. Second, there is the scheduled first round interview where you get a full hour or two to reveal a more representational side of yourself, without giving away too much that is personal, embarrassing, or risky. Then you get the call back interview, the second rounder where your future co-workers dig in deeper to reveal a more robust character profile. This is kind of like your second date experience when you forget to demurely laugh, but let out a guffah and a hearty-har-har and your first eccentricity is exposed. Then there's the reference check when the company gets to ask questions and gain insight from your previous employers about your relationship, just as the potential boyfriend will ask every guy he knows what they know about you. Finally, if you got the call back, got through the first and second interview, if your record is clean, and if everyone that knows you says good things, you have a good chance of establishing a commitment from the company. 

I recently received such a commitment call. On Wednesday around 9 AM central time, I got confirmation that my future employer wanted to establish a committed and long-term relationship with me. I was thrilled. I had been waiting with my hand on the phone for weeks, just I would have had I been waiting for the boy that I liked to call me. I willed the phone to ring day after day, and when it finally did, my heart skipped a beat. I got butterflies in my stomach, and when the words, "we would like to go ahead and extend you an offer" came out of the HR representative's mouth, I had to hold back tears, which I later let out on the phone with my boyfriend. 

My job search process progressed in the fashion of serial dating, much like I described above. I awkwardly networked, fearlessly accumulated cards and contact information, had informal coffee dates to informational interview, made on-line profiles, and solicited myself through career development. However, the odd thing is that this particular role that I will be performing come June 15th, kind of just fell in my lap. I applied to and talked with representatives from every other job function within the corporation I set my career focus on. However, this role sought me. It kept calling back, until I ultimately fell in love with the idea of my contribution to the company through this position. 

It's just the way things seem to happen for me - - they seem to fall into place, always after my faith in myself has been questioned, and a little later than most people, in the right way. My relationship was similar to this job search. I had made my availability known, I had edited my profile over and over again, I had narrowed down an eligible dating bracket, and pondered over the possibility of this one and that one, however, when I least expected it, the right one found me, and kept calling me back. 

To all those job seekers, be true to who you are, figure out what you want out of a job, don't force something that isn't right, and keeping having faith and patience in yourself. You will find the right match. 

Happy hunting! 

Lo 

The Great Escape

Escapism can be defined as an escape or diversion from everyday reality. In a recessionary period, the number of avenues to achieve escapism does not surprise me. People are looking to ease their anxieties, sleepness nights, fear, and tension in as many ways as possible. As a recent MBA graduate waiting to hear if I will be gainfully employed sooner rather than later, I have engaged in a fair amount of escapist techniques to ease my weary mind over the past 2 weeks or so.

I have read, gone to the movies, watched television, enjoyed a day at the spa, shopped, consumed many glasses of wine, changed living environments, cooked and cleaned, and slept. [Last night I enjoyed one of the first 10 hour slumbers I have experienced in over a year. For the past couple of months I have been going on 5 or 6 hours a night, driven by all that I wanted to accomplish the next day!]

This topic of escapism, which has become a guiding factor in recent media, is not a novel concept. In my undergraduate days I studied the artist Gaughin whose entire post-impressionist movement could be labeled as Escapism. He fled the art scene of Paris, financially destitute and unrecognized, and took refuge in Tahiti and a bevy of other tropical locales. While there he became engrossed in the primitive cultures and painted the native landscapes, culture, inhabitants, and wildlife in an ethereal light. Each of his paintings from this era represented exoticism and eroticism; a removal from conventional techniques and his departure from European colonialism. There are many other artists and engineers, architects and scientists who have discovered something great and exciting by departing from convention and escaping into an alternate reality. 

Today, as I read the New York Times at a very crowded Starbucks, I read about various methods of more mindless escapism. Such non-productive diversion is a bit scary because it begs you to remove yourself, to enter a mindless state of distraction, and to cease productivity and participation. Film and television are key producers of this form of escapism. The box office, mainly churning out thoughtless blockbusters, is up 14.5% in comparison to last year. This Memorial Day weekend was no exception with $223 Million spent on ticket sales to such shows as Night at the Museum, Terminator, and Star Trek. Television studios are also gearing up for a fall line-up of shows that are meant to let the “recession-weary viewers laugh and feel better.” Consumers are looking for ways to check-out and the media is feeding them a worry-free product.

Looking back on the past two weeks pre- and post- graduation, I noticed my engagement in both forms of escapism. I removed myself from worry and entered a more or less mindless state made possible by rich Cabernets and citrusy Sauvignon Blancs. Around 10:00 PM each night I was in a carefree, social, giggly state of affairs that could not be tainted by any anxiety. However, I also participated in escapist techniques more in the style of Gaughin and his creative counterparts. I made an effort to change scenery to foster a sense of newness and mental awakening. I have slept in 4 different beds over 7 days: In South Bend, Pittsburgh, Chicago, and Naperville. Each place representing a way of life that is a little different than the next. Ever the observer and analyzer, I believe that changing scenery and experiences keeps your mind inquisitive and thoughtful. I also continued to read newsprint media and books in an analytical mind frame, to question, probe, and continue my education. 

Escapism works, and works well. However it only functions if it is used as a means to reorient your thoughts. Escapism works if the end product is increased creativity and effectiveness. One of my former bosses told me once that all I had to do was continue to work hard at whatever I was doing, and that eventually things would fall into place or unfold the way they were supposed to. I believe this to be true. In my state of productive escapism, which is how I define this phase of life, my day continues to start pre-sunrise and end in fatigue from doing all that I could that day. I believe that I will emerge with a greater sense of knowing, being, and achieving than before. I will be ready to take on the next challenge whether I get the job that I want, have to look for a different job, start writing the book that I always wanted to write, or have the guts to pursue the little comfort catering company that I printed cards for. My great escape over the past 2 weeks has produced many thoughts, confusions, and queries, and I believe in the next couple days will produce some solid answers. 

To all escape artists out there, make your escape fruitful!

Lo 

Sustainability

I graduated from business school on Sunday. I am officially a jargon-ridden MBA ready to participate in discussions about best practices, robust measures, key stakeholders, and sustainability! Before entering business school the language of bankers, branders and consultants was Greek to me. I remember sitting by the pool a couple weeks before I embarked on my MBA education and talking with a Hedge Fund manager. He tried to explain what he did for a living and I nodded with an expression that could be characterized as "I have no idea what you are saying: I don't really know what a bond is, I don't really know what a stock is, and I have no idea what collateral, arbitrage, leverage or derivatives are." I am happy to say as a newly minted MBA I now know what a Hedge Fund manager does and I know the meanings of all those terms! 

Non-MBAs may accuse the business community of speaking in language that is unapproachable. However, I realized that some of the learned terms acquired throughout my education are transferable to my personal life as well. There are some important concepts in business not only applicable to American Industry, but also to the way we conduct our lives. One of these such concepts is sustainability. I learned about sustainable business models, sustainable best practices, a sustainable competitive advantage, and corporate sustainability. 

There are a lot of definitions for sustainability, but the one I like best was one that I learned in my UN Global Compact course: Sustainable development is development that meets the needs of the present without compromising the ability of future generations to meet their own needs. Though a company may emphasize a particular financial, social or environmental goal to define their sense of sustainability, while another company focuses on a different goal, the key and connective understanding is to take steps to conduct business in a more responsible and lasting way. 

As an individual who has gone through many phases of life, I can see the importance of sustainability on a personal level. I have noted the need for sustainable best practices in my diet and exercise, relationships, and work ethic. Business leaders preach about finding a balance in all that you do. I think this perfect balance between life and work is unattainable, and I think a greater focus should be placed on living your life in a way that meets your needs today and positions you well for the future. 

Let me use the example of my experiences with diet and exercise. We live in a culture that preaches the benefits of extremes and crash diets. The media consistently tells us to eliminate whole groups of food and focus on a couple staples to encourage your body to drop weight quickly. We are told that pills can help our weight loss cause, or if you spend hours everyday at the gym, bouncing from one machine or exercise to the next, you will finally attain that ideal physique. If you are an extreme dieter, pill popper or exercise fanatic, your time frame for participating in these lifestyles is short.  Your body physically can't sustain the pressure and rigor from your workouts or substance abuse, and mentally your cravings stemming from depravation will kick in and lead to massive binges. I have been on all sides of this equation. I have exercised to exhaustion and I have not exercised at all; I have starved myself and I have binged; and I have been everywhere in between. From 2004 - 2007 my weight went up and down, up and down, and my mental and physical states yo-yo-ed with it. In business school, I successfully adjusted to a more or less sustainable pattern of diet and exercise. I run 6 days a week, and average 4.5 miles a day. I eat three or four small meals a day and tend not to drink alcohol (although, this week I have clearly indulged on that front.) I have maintained the same weight for 2 years now, am happy with it, and I feel great most every day. This is my sense of personal sustainability in diet and exercise. 

I believe you can also apply this to the world of dating, and I would like to explore this concept a little further in the future. I am blessed to be in a mutually beneficial, sustainable relationship. However, I know there are a lot of single women out there who can't find this kind of lasting relationship. Some of the key issues through my relationship development were finding someone who shared similar values, who could keep me grounded and in check (as I have a tendency to get a little flighty), who could make me laugh and always raise my spirits, who challenged me and encouraged me, and who loved me the same way I loved him. Relationships that don't last or are detrimental tend to fail due to inequalities in these arenas. Relationships are largely about a shared experience. The self is always present, but as you get deeper into a relationship, the understanding of a union must be there as well. I have witnessed friends in relationships where one member of the relationship was WAY more into the other person; where the lust and seduction of the relationship trumped all communication; when the relationship was all about 2 selves; or when the relationship was too heavily weighted on the union and dissolved the members' individuality. None of these scenarios ended up working and led to heartache. 

Like the term sustainability in business, it is hard to define what is and is not sustainable in our personal lives. There is a fine line at times concerning best practices, and what works for some, may not work for others. My goal as an ethnographer over the next year will be to decipher how some of these business terms can function in our personal lives and in particular the practices of women looking for their future mate. I think there are lessons to be learned here, especially given a population of single women who base their decision making and dreams on film, television, magazines, and urban myths. My theory is that practicality, efficiency, effectiveness, business savvy, and marketing mindfulness can lead any women who is single into a lasting, sustainable relationship. 

For now, I am signing off, but in the meantime, if you have any feedback or a story to share regarding dating or single-hood please post it! 

Happy Memorial Day Weekend! 

Lo 

I had a great day yesterday - - got a lot done and had fun doing it! I went for a run, created a scrapbook from all the snips, clips and photos of this past year, went to mass, got my cap and gown, went to lunch with a good friend, got a pedicure, went grocery shopping, and made and ate dinner while watching the Pens game with my brother and his fiance. Wow, I love rattling off a pragmatic list of things I did! During the latter part of the day, as I was chopping vegetables and enjoying a delicious glass of cabernet, I watched some episodes from the first season of Sex and the City. I have seen the entirety of this season multiple times before, but each time I watch it I find new meanings and applications to my life. 

This time around, I noticed that the first season presents the character of Carrie more as a sexual anthropologist or researcher than a party-going fashionista. Each episode is focused on her column and there is something smarter about her pursuits than in the later seasons when she takes on a more or less superficial role. I realized about half way through the 2nd episode that I watched last night, that this is why I like the market research and writing of business school so much - - it is very Carrie Bradshaw-esque. It also made me remember the other reason that I started writing this blog; to establish a place to document my observations and interpretations of the marketplace. In particular, a more practical approach to the dating marketplace, where women of my age and ilk seem to be living in a fantasy-land.  

So, I would like to touch on something that I learned this weekend while in Kansas City for a wedding shower. I have long staked myself on my sense of independence and ability to have a good time alone. I like to go to movies alone, I prefer to run alone, I shop alone, tend to work alone, and I like going to bed early and waking up early because it allows for more me time. One thing I have had a hard time doing though is going to a restaurant or a bar alone. If my partner(s) for the evening leaves me hanging for more than 15 minutes, I become very self-conscious. As the groupings of people around me become livelier, I feel lonelier. I used to eat at the dining hall by myself in my undergraduate years, but I always did it very quickly - - I was in and out in a matter of 15 minutes. 

So this weekend I set-out to conquer this fear. I arrived in Kansas City around 2 PM, my parents and sister didn't get in till 6:30 PM and our dinner reservations weren't till 7:30 PM. I knew the Pens game started at 6 PM, so I decided to go to a bar alone to watch the game and order a glass of wine. I figured if men can do this - - go to bars alone to watch games and have a beer, why can't I? I went to a place called Kona Grill, a trendy establishment that I had been to once before, but while I was in Phoenix, AZ about a decade ago. It was hopping and they had opened all their doors/windows in the front to entice passerbys to stop in. I was wearing my newer Citizens jeans and a red frilly top; an appropriate outfit for the happy hour crowd and the dinner that would follow at the restaurant next door. I thought I looked nice, so I confidently marched into the crowd, ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc, took a gander around, found a seat at the opposite side of the bar and rushed over to take it. I asked for a channel change to watch the Penguins game, and began to passively observe the 20 and 30-something men and women as they attempted to find dates at the start of their weekend. 

I was about 2 sips into my glass of wine when the first of my suitors for the evening approached. He had a deep southern accent and was trying to engage me in small talk here and there. He worked for Novartis in some capacity and kept referred to his wingman Cody who was on his way. His pursuit stopped though when I responded "just one" to his question, "and how many boyfriends do you have?" He and his wingman, who had just arrived walked away, and from stage right entered the next small talker. This one was Indian and was interested in why I was watching the hockey game. Again, our conversation was cut short when I mentioned my boyfriend. Finally, there was a British guy who ran some sporting company in Kansas City. He eyed me from the other side of the bar and came over to "have a chat." Though he was aware of my relationship status, he continued the conversation. He was actually quite funny and mentioned that British men and women are different than Americans in that "having a chat" at a bar is fine and friendly and doesn't have to be flirting. I thought that was very refreshing. After 45 minutes at the bar, 1 Penguin goal, and 2 glasses of wine, I said goodbye to the Brit and walked next door to meet my parents. 

I told them my little story from the past hour and they were very amused. It got be thinking though, why do women always want to go everywhere in groups - - why, especially do they want to go to a bar to meet guys with a group of their most attractive girlfriends? Wouldn't it make sense for a woman to go to a bar alone and appear much more approachable to a guy or to increase your chances of being the one who gets hit on? When you go with a bunch of girlfriends there is a large chance that your thinner, more attractive, better dressed, but less funny and personality-driven friend will be the go-to-girl for the night. From my 45 minutes as the only woman ALONE in the bar, I have a working hypothesis that you WILL meet someone, and in a very short period of time, if you spend some time along there. My advice for single women: confidently, but passively engage in the friday or saturday night atmosphere by yourself. Try my scenario - - get a drink alone before later dinner plans, and see what happens. If any reader out there tries this and is successful, please comment! I would love some feedback. 

Go Cubs Go! 

Lo

I had a little dinner party last night for friends at my house. I set up my deck with a 6-top and served a provencal style grilled chicken salad - - a least it seemed very French countryside to me. We drank a couple lovely bottles of Sauvignon Blanc to accompany the meal, and judging by the way I have felt all day, I think I had one too many. It was an evening of great company, belly laughs made possible by my hysterical friend, Meredith and her mother, and good food set to the backdrop of a crisp spring evening. It was my idea of a perfect night. I tried to top it off, by going to Simeri's, a local hole-in-the-wall bar where the MBA event of the day was going on. In the style of graduation week, I thought it best to try to drink more and force a premature celebration. 

For me though, this graduation week is still filled with anxiety. I am sitting on my porch now trying to calm my nerves, relax, relieve myself of a lingering hang-over, and think about the fun I will have tonight at the hole-in-the-wall bar of the night, the legendary Backer. However, as I sit here, trying to listen to music, read a girly novel, or appreciate the perfect weather ... I keep coming back to fear of not having a job, anxiety about the results of a final round interview, annoyance about the grotesque banner flying around campus attached to a little plane, and longing for my last Notre Dame senior week where we were in the NCAA tournament, I was with good friends, and not having a plan after graduation was okay. 

I have talked to others in my class about not having a job, and not having a plan, and having to move home with their families. They seem to have checked out from their stress though. They said they were stressed, but now they don't care. With the exception of one other individual that I have talked with, everyone is going through this week without a care in the world. They are playing bags, bocce, golf, and volleyball during the day, and carefreely drinking in memories during the nights. I have dedicated myself to going out each evening, though over the past weekend and into last night, each night during which I imbibed, I got nostalgic and sad. The pressure bares down on me around 10 or 11 PM, and the magical transformative high of alcohol takes the form of a slight depressant. 

I was asked by some of my few, but loyal blog readers why I had stopped writing. I answered with a shpiel about how I had been so busy - - with finals and end-of-the-year projects, with interviews and other aspects of the job search, with weekend trips, the list went on. Although, the real reason seems to be that I have felt uninspired and blank. When you are in school the world is your oyster. You saturate yourself in knowledge and the potential for greatness. You become excited about what new things you will learn everyday. As the MBA education wore down and then was over, my excitement for the possibilities of the day went away. My morning runs were no longer filled with ideals, but silent prayers that I would get a job, and soon. Worry took the place of whimsy, and here I am, at a loss for positive words today. 

So here presents the reason that I have chosen to continue to write this blog, because it forces me to spit out the negative and the stress, get over it and get on with it. I did this once before in my life with a private word document. I wrote very often for 3 or 4 months and then once all that verbal garbage was out there, on the page, in front of me, I could move on and not let the bad things bog me down. So today, and my apologies, but this is the negative verbal garbage that helps me cope with my stress, and get on with the celebration that this week should be for everyone - - those with jobs and those that are jobless - - those that are graduating with honors (like myself!!) and those that aren't - - those that made tons of new friends and became the queen and king bees of the class, and those that were happy sitting back and playing a supporting role. Tonight, I will go to the Backer and watch a slideshow which documents the memories that make up Notre Dame MBA-ness - - I will think back on my experience fondly, and try my hardest to focus on the present, rather than looking toward an uncertain future. 

Fondly, 

Lo 

"I was puppet dancing to the max!"

As a white American female, attending the University of Notre Dame, there are not very many times when I have the experience of being within a minority group. I tend to blend in with the outward appearance of the crowd and find comfort in knowing how to move and converse with those around me. Though, there are many things that set me apart as an individual, there are more things that make me a prototype of privileged white culture. 

This past weekend was a celebration of such around campus. It was the Blue and Gold football scrimmage, which brought with it patronizing alums, elaborate tailgates, and drunk collegiates and grad students who dedicated a 72 degree beautiful day in South Bend to the pursuit of blackout status. In the fall the MBA school hosts the most raucous tailgate of all, complete with a stereo system set to the Linebacker's greatest hits and many drunk 30 year olds dancing while eating chick-fillet and guzzling beer. This spring tailgate was a little tamer - - not as much shotgunning, not as much dancing. I was a little disappointed by the lack of dancing and ended up leaving the tailgate prematurely to attend various sporting events around campus.

In the evening I went to a rock concert. It probably was the fifth concert that I have been to in my entire life. The ones that I can recount are Dave Matthews Band circa 1998, TLC in 1999, Justin Timberlake in 2007, and Willie Nelson at Rivinia last summer. Besides that, my live music experiences have been concentrated on symphonic, operatic, and musical performances. So this pathetic list of attended concerts is rather embarrassing to say the least. The band was Umphree's McGee. Those familiar with this band appreciate their jam sessions, but I found their sound very loud and confusing. What I found more confusing though was how out of place I was in the crowd. In downtown South Bend, where I have never felt out of place within the walls of such places as Finnegans or Corby's, I was suddenly very self-aware. I had just come from a dinner party and was wearing nice jeans, a wrap-around sweater, and espadrilles. Those around me were wearing Harry Potter hats, grass skirts, no shirts, no shoes, and accessories like kazoos. My hair was neatly tied back in a pony-tail and my face slightly made-up. Those around me had their hair knotted up in dreadlocks and hadn't even washed their faces. 

For a lack of better title, the "hippies" engaged in gyration all around me - - a form of dance, movement, appreciation that I didn't understand. They bounced back and forth with the music, cheered when the band started jamming, waved their hands all around them, and looked to be having the greatest time. I just stood there afraid that everyone was judging me for not fitting in. I observed the sights, took in the smells of marijuana that permeated the air, and tried not to cover my ears when the music got more and more intense. 

I started to think about why I felt so awkward participating in this culture and in particular this dance. I LOVE dancing. And this dance that everyone around me was doing, wasn't that hard. I could have circled my arms and hands around my body, I could have bobbed back and forth with the crowd, but I just stood there. Whenever I go to a wedding, a formal dance, a bar, or a party where popular music is playing, I am the first one to run onto the dance floor and start flailing my body in every which way. I have no need to be utterly inebriated before performing what some have called puppet dancing and others have called public aerobics. I love the ability to pour my energy into the room and be the catalyst to what will soon turn into a rocking dance floor. My friends will wait until they are 2,3, or even 4 or 5 drinks deep before joining me. The alcohol somehow gives them the courage they need to express themselves rhythmically. I wonder why this is ... why are we scared to dance at times? Why did I feel so against dancing the hippy dance, and why do I lead the charge when the music is set to a dance club soundscape?

I think it's all about being in our comfort zone. If we feel out of place we don't want to draw more attention to ourselves. Dancing has become an activity that makes everyone feel a little awkward. My generation, for the most part, did grow up with social dancing lessons. We learned how to move from music videos or movies. Because most of the population is so unsure of their ability to dance it is largely done under the mind altering effects of drugs or alcohol. Most of the hippies around me at the concert were high on something or other. Most of the domers at the bar are wasted by the time they finally make it over to the dance floor. The "dance club" in South Bend requires significant pre-gaming before anyone will make their way onto the s

tage, or even into the establishment. I remember when I was at a high school dance, where I displayed the origins of my more evolved puppet dancing, the teacher chaperones confronted me to ask if I had been drinking. I had not had a sip alcohol that night, but they immediately assumed that my excitement at the music and dance floor was a sign that I was under the influence. 

I don't really know where I am going with this, but I thought all of this was interesting. I think if I dedicated my time to doing more research about dancing and our consumer behavior toward dancing, I would arrive at some interesting findings. However, I don't have time for that this morning. So, I will leave you with this challenge. This weekend, whether you are at the bar, a house party, a concert, or a wedding, try a new dance - - a dance that doesn't require being blackout drunk or the accompaniment of those you feel comfortable alongside. Get out on the dance floor early and often, forget about the onlookers and jealous judgers. Express yourself as you would in your car or while at home alone. It feels great and if you are as crazy as me on the dance floor, it is the best workout you will ever have! 

In the eternal words of Lady GaGa ... "Just Dance!"

Lo  

 

No Regrets?

Whenever I have the opportunity to hear a big-wig speak, there seems to be a common theme that these all-wise, all-knowing individuals have no regrets in their life - - that everything they have done has been a tremendous experience and has led them to their mighty perch today. 

What a wonderful feeling that must be. 

Where I stand today, which seems like base camp, I look back on certain choices I have made over the past decade and wonder whether or not they weren't filled with mistakes. Again, I am facing a looming graduation from Notre Dame without a job. It happened in 2004 and it is about to happen again. The last time, I was focused on the lacrosse season, so any anxiety I felt at that time was around winning a National Championship (which didn't happen.) Today, my sole anxiety is finding a job - - a job that I like, that pays well, and that lands me in the Chicago area. I have been networking and I actually had 2 interviews over the past 2 weeks, but nothing is set in stone yet. Even my alleged guaranteed job offer from my internship this summer has more or less vanished, as there are no open positions due to the economy. I keep telling myself (as everyone else does) that things will fall into place, but I can't help but think ... what if I did this ... what if I had done that ... wouldn't I be stress-free now?

Here are some of those what ifs ... or potential regrets:

I went to get my undergraduate degree from Notre Dame and was originally in the business school. I had a hunch that this is where my talent might be. However, I found the large economics class I took 2nd semester of Freshman year, inadequate, so switched into the school of Art and Letters and became a verbose, idealist liberal arts student focusing on Art History. Potential Regret #1 - Not putting up with 400-person business school lectures, seeking the 8-person seminar, and being an artsy, fartsy student who spent too much time making ceramic bowls. 

When everyone in the business school was getting dressed in their business professional attire to peddle themselves at career fairs, and while the Arts and Letters students were figuring out which non-profit, version of teach for the underprivileged, or peace making effort to join, I was working with a career counselor to discern my personality type. I met with the same woman about 5 times and each session produced the same result, which I kind of already knew - - that I am scatter brained and indecisive. Potential Regret #2 - Trying to figure out the best fit for me at the time, when I should have just dived into the recruiting mess and found a job as a cookie-cutter consultant. 

When we lost to Northwestern in the NCAA tournament in 2004, I walked off the field crying. I don't really think it was because we lost, though it looked great and dramatic on camera. Instead, it was because I didn't know what to do next. I didn't have any more goals on or off the field for which to strive. I went back to Pittsburgh after graduation, lived with my parents, and tried to figure out what would be next. Because I always wanted to work at and own my own restaurant, I learned the ways of fine-dining restaurant management and managed a big contemporary American themed restaurant for over 2 years. Potential Regret #3 - Never work in a restaurant! Bad for your health, stability, social life, and motivation. Also, will lead you to daily incidences of sexual harassment. 

Because I knew I needed to redirect and further my education, I applied, got in, and went to business school. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to get out of it, but I soon learned that most people had a definitive plan. They wanted to solve the energy crisis, make a mint as the next super star Hedge Fund manager, run a non-profit in Africa, be a consultant at McKinsey, or get married. I thought marketing, but didn't know a thing about marketing. Instead of focusing on the career search as soon as I set foot in the door, I thought, wow, I am one of 10 girls in the program, and I haven't had the opportunity to party at dive bars in years! So ... I put on ridiculous outfits everyday and sipped cocktails every night. I was distracted by the social scene, and tried to distance myself from the dorky student I was in undergrad. Potential Regret #4 - Should have really concentrated in Stats, Economics and other technical classes from day 1! And shouldn't have wasted all my savings on going out, buying new clothes, and going on costly excursions in the first semester of school. 

I really shouldn't complain about B-school though. The first year turned out to be great, as did the 2nd year. I have learned SO much and gained a lot of confidence in problem solving and team leadership. However, I continued to put the job search off. I managed to get a great internship over the summer, which showed promise of a job offer. However, that job offer vanished when the economy took a turn for the worst. I guess the final potential regret, would have been to get on the job search as soon as I came back after summer, and reach out to various companies. The problem was that I still didn't know exactly what I wanted to do and how to voice it until last module, which was in March or so. I still am sold on a career path, but I have found a great intersection of my skills, interests, and natural talents in a couple of functional areas in the Food Service Industry. We'll see where these latest interviews lead me, but for now, I still have stress on my mind. 

So ... one day when I have achieved the lofty state of all-wise business leader, and speak to the young business minds at Notre Dame, I would love to say that I have gone through life without a regret. I think in the grand scheme of things, that everything that I have done will add up to something amazing - - that all my experiences will contribute to my sense of self and make me a better business leader. It is hard at times though, to see how everything fits together. However, working on my resume, cover letter, and interview spiel has let me make sense of some of the discontinuities. 

At this point, I can clearly say to myself, if I didn't make the choices I did, if i didn't have the experiences as artist, athlete, server, restaurant manager, and hat-sporting social butterfly, I wouldn't have had such a great conversation at CJs the first night of MBA orientation, which has lead to the most amazing relationship with the most amazing boyfriend. If I hadn't gone through the learning curve of business jargon and "skills," I wouldn't be as excited about continuing my education and learning more on the job. And if I hadn't listened to my gut interests and motivations, I would have most likely been a very unhappy consultant in Pittsburgh, trying to find my future husband in line at Kennywood. 

I wish you the ability to see the benefit in all that you do, and to not get discouraged when things don't look as you pictured them. There is most likely a reason, or a method to the madness. Just keep making the most of every opportunity that comes your way, and eventually the rewarding job or scenario, not as you imagined, but fabulous just the same, will happen for you. 

Lo